@Dave99B said:
I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop for not wearing a seatbelt. First time in 10+ years. I was only driving one block, but he didn't care..."Sir, I'm writing you a ticket. Stay in your vehicle. Do not move.". He walks back to his bike and is writing away when he gets an emergency radio call. He sprints back to my truck and throws my license and proof of insurance at me and roars off.
Thank you God!
Dave
Maybe you should have asked why he wasn't wearing one.... Or maybe not.
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around- WalMart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,and I guess I wasn't
paying attention to where was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, doesn't matter,
let's look for yours."
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The first blonde answers, 'That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!'
The policeman says, 'Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile.' Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes them picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!'
The policeman angrily responds, 'What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?' He quickly adds'...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.'
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,'Hmmmm.. the suspect wears contact lenses.'
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well, that's an interesting answer ... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.'
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. 'Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?'
'That's easy,' the blonde replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.'
Must have been when they were visiting the U.S. one time?
Or the heads could have been photo shopped.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
There was a husband and wife, they had 6 kids and so he started calling her "Mother of 6" instead of her first name. She thought this was cute the first time but he kept it up saying "Mother of 6 get me a beer, or Mother of 6 what's for dinner". He called her that all the time instead of her first name and she was getting tired of it. So, one night at a BIG party the husband said, "Mother of 6, let's go" She replied "I am right behind you "Father of 4".
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Comments
Steering wheel is on the wrong side.
Maybe you should have asked why he wasn't wearing one.... Or maybe not.
Two guys, one old, one young,
are pushing their carts around- WalMart
when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
"Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,and I guess I wasn't
paying attention to where was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 years old, tall,
with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, doesn't matter,
let's look for yours."
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The first blonde answers, 'That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!'
The policeman says, 'Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile.' Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes them picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!'
The policeman angrily responds, 'What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?' He quickly adds'...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.'
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,'Hmmmm.. the suspect wears contact lenses.'
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well, that's an interesting answer ... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.'
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. 'Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?'
'That's easy,' the blonde replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.'
You ain't big buddy. Hold my beer.
Cheers, RickO
Pete
Edit the post. Type ctrl-A to highlight the entire post. Type a period to overwrite the entire post. Save.
Must have been when they were visiting the U.S. one time?
- Jim
Or the heads could have been photo shopped.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
Or the steering wheel could have been photo shopped.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wife just confirmed this one was really bad, delete, ouch!
Pete
Confucius say;
Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
There was a husband and wife, they had 6 kids and so he started calling her "Mother of 6" instead of her first name. She thought this was cute the first time but he kept it up saying "Mother of 6 get me a beer, or Mother of 6 what's for dinner". He called her that all the time instead of her first name and she was getting tired of it. So, one night at a BIG party the husband said, "Mother of 6, let's go" She replied "I am right behind you "Father of 4".
"I'm gonna ask my Mom if that offer to 'slap me into next year' is still on the table."
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Earl and Johnny go out on a hunting trip together.
The nights are already cold so they don’t mind sharing the tent for one.
At around 1 am, Earl wakes up suddenly: “Johnny, what you think you’re doing?!”
Johnny: “My hands are cold, I was just warming 'em between these two pillows.”
Earl: "THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!"
Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.
On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"
Cheers, RickO
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Cheers, RickO
Coin Vault Blooper Reel
https://youtu.be/hj4sa3l34X0
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
What's the 'deal' with quarters?
https://youtu.be/Zx6qFYjk9co
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date