The forum needs a little humor.

hammer1

ironmanl63

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said,
"I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you
into Heaven, I have to ask you something.

You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of
car you get will depend on your answer." The first guy walked up and
St. Peter asked him, "How long were you married?" He answered,
"24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", St. Peter asked. The
guy said, "Yeah, 7 times ... but you said I was forgiven." St. Peter said,
"Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive."

The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter.
He answered, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once,
but that was our first year and we really worked it out." St. Peter said,
"I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Lincoln."

The third guy walked up and said, "St. Peter, I know what you're going
to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!
I treated my wife like a queen!" St. Peter said, "That's what I like to hear.
Here's a Jaguar!"

A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy
with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what
was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!"

Unknown

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1630Boston

AlanSki

ricko

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

Cheers, RickO

ricko

They once created a street called Chuck Norris but had to change it.
No one crosses Chuck Norris and lives!

Cheers, RickO

marcmoish

An old lady always travels the same route on a bus.
Over time, she became friendly with the driver and she’d always bring him a nice little bag of peanuts.
The bus driver was enjoying the nuts at first, but after a few days he said to the lady, “Come on, Mrs. Liberty, it’s really nice of you, I’m loving the peanuts, but please stop bringing me so much, have some for yourself.”

“Ah, no bother young man,” laughs the old lady, “I don’t have my teeth anymore, I couldn’t eat them even if I wanted to. But I’m crazy mad for the yummy chocolate they always come coated with!”

SanctionII

The pope and a lawyer died on the same day and arrived at the pearly gates together.

While waiting in line they talked and told each other who they were and what they did on earth. Eventually they checked in with Saint Peter, entered heaven and parted ways.

Time passed and one day the pope and the lawyer saw each other and spoke again. The pope was invited to the lawyer's house for lunch. The pope arrived and saw that the lawyer's house was the biggest, newest house in heaven situated on a hilltop overlooking heaven. The pope complimented the lawyer on his house. The lawyer asked the pope about his home. The pope told the lawyer his home is a modest 2 bedroom, 1 bath apartment in an older apartment building.

The next day the pope saw St. Peter and talked with him. The pope asked about how housing in heaven was decided. He told St. Peter that while on earth he was the leader of the Catholic Church and did good deeds to benefit humanity. He said I am in a modest apartment in heaven, while the lawyer is in the best home in heaven. The pope asked why that is.

St. Peter looked at the pope and told him: "The answer is simple. We have lots of popes in heaven, but the lawyer who entered heaven with you is the first one we have ever had."

1630Boston

mannie gray

@emeraldATV said:
This should stick in the minds of all who seek the small date in the 1982 cent series .
Look , four, the opposite style of the no. 2 inside the for.

What??????

1630Boston

1630Boston

@mannie gray said:

What??????

Don't try to figure it out

shortnock

Does anybody get it?

1630Boston

I don't think it is meant to be got

ifthevamzarockin

@shortnock said:
Does anybody get it?

You have to smoke some Tide Pods to understand it.

marcmoish

Norman comes home late at night, drunk as a skunk.

He staggers into the bedroom and wakes his sleeping wife, “Elsie, wake up! You’ll never believe this!”

“What happened?” Elsie replies sleepily.

“I just went to the bathroom and guess what, the light switched itself on, all by itself. And as I was going out, the light went off again, I didn’t have to do anything! Am I getting superpowers or what!”

Elsie groans, “Come on, Norman! You filthy animal, I bet you just went and peed in the fridge again!”

JaLP

I THINK this is what he was talking about.

CoinJunkie

@JaLP said:
I THINK this is what he was talking about.

Hysterical!

ctf_error_coins

No, it's an owl in the very bottom corner of the left "4"

BryceM

A couple months early.... but I’ve always thought it was magnificent:

Oldhoopster

@JaLP said:
I THINK this is what he was talking about.

@jalp
I don't know whether to be impressed by your post, or really worried that you figured out what he was saying.

Along

How do you know if a Snowman is a guy or girl?

Check for snowballs

emeraldATV

A man looking to buy a horse, goes to the local farmers in his area.
Seeing the perfect ride, he asked the owner if he was for sale.
The farmer says yes, but he don't look so good, so I'll sell him cheap.
The buyer was delighted thinking its just a flu.
After taking him home, as he was ridding, and the horse was running into , the fence, a tree, and missed the barn door.
The Man takes the horse back to the farmer and tells the farmer, the horse you sold me is blind.
The farmer says, "I told you he don't look so good".

ifthevamzarockin

bearcave

There was this husband and wife. The wife told the husband when he came home from work that the lawn needed mowing. The husband said "What do I look like the Landscaper"? So the lawn went unmowed. The next day the man came home from work and the wife said" There is a leaking water faucet." The man said "What do I look like, a plumber?" So it went unfixed. The man came home from work the next day and the wife said, " There is a burned out light bulb." The man replied, "What do I look like, electrician?" So the next week the man came home and the lawn was mowed to perfection, the faucet was fixed and the light bulb was changed. the husband was impressed and asked how much money did she spend? The wife replied, "No money" the neighbor done it all for me and to bake him a cake or have sex with him. The husband sighed big and asked the wife, "What kind of cake did you bake him?" The wife answered, "What do I look like, Betty Crocker?"

1630Boston

.

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marcmoish

@1630Boston said:
.

that lonely wicked period cracked me up too.

CoinJunkie

@marcmoish said:

@1630Boston said:
.

that lonely wicked period cracked me up too.

Brevity is the soul of wit. I couldn't stop laughing!

hammer1

Worst part is he dropped the beer.

marcmoish

ricko

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Cheers, RickO

Unknown

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amwldcoin

LOL! I got a speeding ticket the night I got my 1st Drivers License! 85 in a 55 at the end of a deserted expressway that was being built. I think me and the cop were the only 2 cars out there. I was driving an automatic Pinto! The cop asked me how fast I was going and why. I said I wanted to see how fast it would go and I hit 95! He said well I clocked you at 85. The irony of the whole thing was he wrote my birth year wrong and I used it to buy beer for the 2 years before I was of legal age!

@Kirk222 said:

First Driver's License two years ago. He's had three speeding tickets so far!

RonB

Couldn't resist..

1630Boston

ctf_error_coins

Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

RonB

Baley

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

Another item in the long list of things some here are better than others at 😉

CCGGG

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

Having a CHL or LTC permit helps a lot... >90% of the time I'll get a warning once they see the license. And yes, I've been stopped enough to know. Voice of experaince!

ifthevamzarockin

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

You just wink at em' don't ya.

thisnamztaken

ctf_error_coins

I have talked myself out of a ticket over 50% of the time a cop has stopped me.

Be honest, admit to everything, and be friendly.

Have a good (truthful) story (not an excuse) as to why you were driving the way you were.

The better the story, the easier it is.

Baley

@ifthevamzarockin said:

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

You just wink at em' don't ya.

Perhaps the cop feel sorry and take pity on the beater 4x4 that smells like fish. 😂

ifthevamzarockin

@Baley said:

@ifthevamzarockin said:

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
Talking you way out of a speeding ticket is fairly easy.

You just wink at em' don't ya.

Perhaps the cop feel sorry and take pity on the beater 4x4 that smells like fish. 😂

He keeps a dead carp that has been rotting for 3 months in the back.....they just run away.

Aotearoa

@ErrorsOnCoins said:
I have talked myself out of a ticket over 50% of the time a cop has stopped me.

Be honest, admit to everything, and be friendly.

Have a good (truthful) story (not an excuse) as to why you were driving the way you were.

The better the story, the easier it is.

Or, just follow the rules and don't get stopped.

Dave99B

I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop for not wearing a seatbelt. First time in 10+ years. I was only driving one block, but he didn't care..."Sir, I'm writing you a ticket. Stay in your vehicle. Do not move.". He walks back to his bike and is writing away when he gets an emergency radio call. He sprints back to my truck and throws my license and proof of insurance at me and roars off.

Thank you God!

Dave

RonB

mannie gray

@RonB said:

I love it!
Literal LOL!