A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
"I welcome you into the family!" said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation."
The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don't like factories, and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?"
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no one could beat him.
The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no one could beat him.
The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.
However, little did Bob know that the plant manager was going to be a tough customer to please.
With a broad smile and a reassuring tone, Bob handed the plant manager a beautiful box of cigars as a gift, but the man barely gave it a sideways glance before he said,
"No cigars for me, thank you. I smoked one once, and it was horrible."
Bob is nothing if not prepared, so he offered to take the plant manager out for a few beers, but again the suggestion missed the mark.
"No alcohol for me, thank you. I drank it once, and it was horrible."
Not ready to give up just yet, Bob got a bright idea as he looked out the window and saw people playing golf.
"That's quite alright," he told the plant manager.
"How about you come and play a round of golf at my club as my personal guest?"
However, for the third time, Bob's luck struck out, as the plant manager replied,
"No golf for me, thank you. I played the sport once, and it was horrible.
" The plant manager had barely finished his sentence when a young man joined them at the table.
"Let me introduce my son, Jason,"the plant manager said.
Surprised, Bob gave the young man a quick once over before he replied,
@ricko said:
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no one could beat him.
The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
A man is on business trip to the Philippines gets there the night before the meeting. Feeling a little lonely in a foreign country he finds an ad for "companionship" for the night. So the young lady meets the business man in his hotel room and things start to get intense when the the young lady starts yelling "MALING BUTAS!", "MALING BUTAS!".
The next day the business man meets with 3 Filipino businessmen at a golf course to play before their meeting. About the 5th hole, a par 3, the businessman gets on the tee box and hits the best shot of his life. 2 bounces and a 5 foot roll and the businessman just got a hole in one. Knowing very little Philippines and wanting to impress, the businessman remembers what the young lady screamed the night before and he screams "MALING BUTAS!", "MALING BUTAS!" The 3 Filipino businessmen look at him and ask "what do you mean wrong hole?"
#LetsGoSwitzerlandThe Man Who Does Not Read Has No Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read. The biggest obstacle to progress is a habit of “buying what we want and begging for what we need.”You get the Freedom you fight for and get the Oppression you deserve.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
(This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!)
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
oih82w8 = Oh I Hate To Wait _defectus patientia_aka...Dr. Defecto - Curator of RMO's
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?” “SHIRLEY!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!” “And is this your first child?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”
Comments
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Give a man a fish and he will eat fish for the day, but teach him to fish and he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day!
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.
"I welcome you into the family!" said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation."
The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don't like factories, and won't work in an office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the son-in-law. "Buy me out."
Why can't the DMV make road signs we can understand?
Pete
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no one could beat him.
The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Cheers, RickO
The local bar was so sure that its owner was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1,000 bet that no one could beat him.
The challenge was that the owner would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the owner said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done, he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the owner handed over the prize and asked, "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Cheers, RickO
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.
However, little did Bob know that the plant manager was going to be a tough customer to please.
With a broad smile and a reassuring tone, Bob handed the plant manager a beautiful box of cigars as a gift, but the man barely gave it a sideways glance before he said,
"No cigars for me, thank you. I smoked one once, and it was horrible."
Bob is nothing if not prepared, so he offered to take the plant manager out for a few beers, but again the suggestion missed the mark.
"No alcohol for me, thank you. I drank it once, and it was horrible."
Not ready to give up just yet, Bob got a bright idea as he looked out the window and saw people playing golf.
"That's quite alright," he told the plant manager.
"How about you come and play a round of golf at my club as my personal guest?"
However, for the third time, Bob's luck struck out, as the plant manager replied,
"No golf for me, thank you. I played the sport once, and it was horrible.
" The plant manager had barely finished his sentence when a young man joined them at the table.
"Let me introduce my son, Jason,"the plant manager said.
Surprised, Bob gave the young man a quick once over before he replied,
"Let me guess, he is an only child?"
Cheers, RickO
It was better the first time.
Smitten with DBLCs.
Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom this morning.
There was a note on his bed which read, “I can’t take the critism anymore.”
She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she remarked:
“That’s NOT how you spell criticism my dear!”
And later that day the husband happily started his jail sentence for murder.
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I know now why they call them seagulls, if they flew over the bay they would be called baygulls!
BEGALS
What, the flock?
.
.
.
If a cow doesn't produce milk on a dairy farm.........................It's hamburger.
I speak from experience.
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Keep it coin related. What’s it weigh?
Pete
This one will go poof shortly - it is able to stand on its own merit for a few moments only.
.
OK so here's what we do. This one is was so damn funny, but has a shall we say; an obvious political twist.
Hint: it involves a hairdo setup in one of the 50 States.
So if you missed it while I had it up for 21 seconds, and must see it - just PM me.
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Possibly we can have a separate section for political jokes.
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
A man is on business trip to the Philippines gets there the night before the meeting. Feeling a little lonely in a foreign country he finds an ad for "companionship" for the night. So the young lady meets the business man in his hotel room and things start to get intense when the the young lady starts yelling "MALING BUTAS!", "MALING BUTAS!".
The next day the business man meets with 3 Filipino businessmen at a golf course to play before their meeting. About the 5th hole, a par 3, the businessman gets on the tee box and hits the best shot of his life. 2 bounces and a 5 foot roll and the businessman just got a hole in one. Knowing very little Philippines and wanting to impress, the businessman remembers what the young lady screamed the night before and he screams "MALING BUTAS!", "MALING BUTAS!" The 3 Filipino businessmen look at him and ask "what do you mean wrong hole?"
Careful now..
Liberty: Parent of Science & Industry
I predict this thread will get shut down soon.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Please don't predict that.
We all behaving better than I ever imagined .
@WillieBoyd2 - you got it right?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
(This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!)
Do you mean because I posted this picture on page 3?
https://forums.collectors.com/discussion/1034463/the-forum-needs-a-little-humor/p3
I've got WHAT?
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
BST transactions: dbldie55, jayPem, 78saen, UltraHighRelief, nibanny, liefgold, FallGuy, lkeigwin, mbogoman, Sandman70gt, keets, joeykoins, ianrussell (@GC), EagleEye, ThePennyLady, GRANDAM, Ilikecolor, Gluggo, okiedude, Voyageur, LJenkins11, fastfreddie, ms70, pursuitofliberty, ZoidMeister,Coin Finder, GotTheBug, edwardjulio, Coinnmore...
....
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Or a heifer.
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Or a calf......................Or a bull
This ones name is "Buster"
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At first I laughed, but then I paused and thought, wait a minute, you tried milking a bull?
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
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That would be rare, all right.
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There was a husband and wife, she asked him "Do you want supper?" Husband said "What are my choices?" Wife said, "Yes or No."
Pete
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?” “SHIRLEY!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!” “And is this your first child?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”
Cheers, RickO
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