Like @DRUNNER I too hope that this thread survives. There is some great, and generally pretty clean humor in here. @ricko probably takes the cake for the most, but there are a lot of great contributors.
I often copy and paste a joke or two, or a cartoon snapshot into my email and send it to my phone so I have a good funny ready if the opportunity arises.
I hope the moderators will recognize the benefit of this thread and not throw the bathwater out with the baby.
“We are only their care-takers,” he posed, “if we take good care of them, then centuries from now they may still be here … ”
A wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, 'Who the hell was that?'
'Oh,' replies the husband, 'she's my mistress.'
'Well, that's the last straw,' says the wife. 'I've had enough, I want a divorce!'
'I can understand that,' replies her husband, 'but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.'
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
'Who's that woman with George?' asks the wife.
'That's his mistress,' says her husband.
............. “Ours is prettier,' she replies.
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him...
@jkrk said:
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him...
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
I had a few engineers that worked for me that fit this perfectly. Cheers, RickO
Billy-Bob walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight?"
Billy-Bob says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Billy-Bob comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Billy-Bob looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"
A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on a tricycle starts riding around him.
“Wanna race?” asks the kid.
“No thanks,” laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past him. “Wow!” the guy says and floors it. He catches up and the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle, wheels smoking. The kid pants, “Thanks for stopping mister. My suspenders got caught in your door.”
Request to those posting Inappropriate material in this thread, when this thread closes please do not post in "Random picture thread for Friday", so we can at least have one non numismatic thread to enjoy.
I am sure Heather knows how to handle this - I don't believe it will close.
This has helped many since Covid began - even if in a small way, it is worth the publicity even. Our hosts were smart in keeping it open here.
I had two different collectors mention to me separately they drop in here for everything from straight " soup to nuts numismatics and knowledge to a solid joke thread that started a few months ago".
It is a fact this forum is very much respected by many.
It is easier to remove a post or a poster that doesn't care about anyone else than just remove or close a popular thread.
There are folks who post to the forum
And demonstrate a lack of decorum
Their humor gets panned
They risk getting banned
In the meantime I choose to ignore 'em
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!
oih82w8 = Oh I Hate To Wait _defectus patientia_aka...Dr. Defecto - Curator of RMO's
@oih82w8 said:
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!
Where's the eyeroll emoji when you need it!
“We are only their care-takers,” he posed, “if we take good care of them, then centuries from now they may still be here … ”
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss. "The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
Cheers, RickO
@ricko "with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step."
When I was about 5 years old I was in a "timeout" on the back porch at my grandparents place, I don't remember what I did to be on the porch in the first place. Grandpa came out to check on me and I decided to cut loose with a cuss word. Before I could blink or know what happened I had his boot up my backside, he kicked me right off the porch. Then while I was trying to grasp what had just happened here came the boot again! He had a back yard that was about an acre with fruit trees & chickens. He kicked me all around the back yard....I got the full tour.... he must have planted his boot about 20 times and each time my little feet would come up off the ground. Needless to say I never called grandpa a name again and it was a great lesson on respecting your elders.
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands.
“What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.
“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
Hope you guys don't mind a visitor from the card side
Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds flat, AND IT BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house.
She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet,
gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
"You %$^&*%. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Comments
Like @DRUNNER I too hope that this thread survives. There is some great, and generally pretty clean humor in here. @ricko probably takes the cake for the most, but there are a lot of great contributors.
I often copy and paste a joke or two, or a cartoon snapshot into my email and send it to my phone so I have a good funny ready if the opportunity arises.
I hope the moderators will recognize the benefit of this thread and not throw the bathwater out with the baby.
“We are only their care-takers,” he posed, “if we take good care of them, then centuries from now they may still be here … ”
Todd - BHNC #242
I agree with you pursuitofliberty. But....when people start getting mad over jokes.....we have a problem. Relax, boys.
A wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, 'Who the hell was that?'
'Oh,' replies the husband, 'she's my mistress.'
'Well, that's the last straw,' says the wife. 'I've had enough, I want a divorce!'
'I can understand that,' replies her husband, 'but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.'
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
'Who's that woman with George?' asks the wife.
'That's his mistress,' says her husband.
............. “Ours is prettier,' she replies.
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman’s uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him...
I’ll take her. JK.
Happy Labor Day all.
Pete
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" they asked.
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
I had a few engineers that worked for me that fit this perfectly. Cheers, RickO
Billy-Bob walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight?"
Billy-Bob says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Billy-Bob comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Billy-Bob looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
^^^^^^ Now that picture is gross... "Almost" as bad as looking at a toned coin.
@drwstr123
Doesn't look like she had Skittles for desert.
Thank you for removing that disgusting picture!
Yup, this thread’s nearing it’s inevitable conclusion.
Sad.
A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on a tricycle starts riding around him.
“Wanna race?” asks the kid.
“No thanks,” laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past him. “Wow!” the guy says and floors it. He catches up and the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle, wheels smoking. The kid pants, “Thanks for stopping mister. My suspenders got caught in your door.”
Request to those posting Inappropriate material in this thread, when this thread closes please do not post in "Random picture thread for Friday", so we can at least have one non numismatic thread to enjoy.
I am sure Heather knows how to handle this - I don't believe it will close.
This has helped many since Covid began - even if in a small way, it is worth the publicity even. Our hosts were smart in keeping it open here.
I had two different collectors mention to me separately they drop in here for everything from straight " soup to nuts numismatics and knowledge to a solid joke thread that started a few months ago".
It is a fact this forum is very much respected by many.
It is easier to remove a post or a poster that doesn't care about anyone else than just remove or close a popular thread.
There are folks who post to the forum
And demonstrate a lack of decorum
Their humor gets panned
They risk getting banned
In the meantime I choose to ignore 'em
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!
BST transactions: dbldie55, jayPem, 78saen, UltraHighRelief, nibanny, liefgold, FallGuy, lkeigwin, mbogoman, Sandman70gt, keets, joeykoins, ianrussell (@GC), EagleEye, ThePennyLady, GRANDAM, Ilikecolor, Gluggo, okiedude, Voyageur, LJenkins11, fastfreddie, ms70, pursuitofliberty, ZoidMeister,Coin Finder, GotTheBug, edwardjulio, Coinnmore...
Where's the eyeroll emoji when you need it!
“We are only their care-takers,” he posed, “if we take good care of them, then centuries from now they may still be here … ”
Todd - BHNC #242
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss. "The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
Cheers, RickO
@ricko "with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step."
When I was about 5 years old I was in a "timeout" on the back porch at my grandparents place, I don't remember what I did to be on the porch in the first place. Grandpa came out to check on me and I decided to cut loose with a cuss word. Before I could blink or know what happened I had his boot up my backside, he kicked me right off the porch. Then while I was trying to grasp what had just happened here came the boot again! He had a back yard that was about an acre with fruit trees & chickens. He kicked me all around the back yard....I got the full tour.... he must have planted his boot about 20 times and each time my little feet would come up off the ground. Needless to say I never called grandpa a name again and it was a great lesson on respecting your elders.
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands.
“What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.
“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
Pete
His tattoo says "Add, Substract, and Die" LOL
A man and his wife was in a terrible accident where the wife's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So he offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his butt!
He and his wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and even requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the wife's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, the wife was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said......
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," the husband replied,.......
"I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Cheers, RickO
I nominate RickO for the Forum Comedian Prize.
RMR: 'Wer, wenn ich schriee, hörte mich denn aus der Engel Ordnungen?'
CJ: 'No one!' [Ain't no angels in the coin biz]
Hope you guys don't mind a visitor from the card side
Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds flat, AND IT BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house.
She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Mark is not yet able to have visitors....
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.
"What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.
"Yup", replied the drunk.
"How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it.
"Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet,
gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.
The three stood looking at one another for a moment.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
"You %$^&*%. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"
@LarkinCollector
Those are pretty good. Glad you decided to post them.
Thanks! I've got an email folder full of them from my uncle, but it takes a while to find the one's appropriate for posting
Yes, yes.... we all have funny ones that we can't openly post. Gotta keep this thread going.
Here's a horrible dad joke.....
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Three soldiers were taken to the White House where the president was going to present them with medals.
In the waiting room, an officer briefed the three soldiers on the procedure.
"Sergeant, you will go into the office, salute the president, and then kiss his hand"
"Corporal, you will go into the office, salute the president, and then kiss his foot"
The private went AWOL.
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
oh nuts, this dud again?
where is that eye roll emoji again....
Here you go 🙄
The first time I saw this classic sign was at a campground in Pine Island, FL;
Another variation:
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
That's like the no eye deer joke.
I love this ad