A man, tired of busy life in the city, moves to a house at the countryside, middle of nowhere. After living there for few months, his nearest neighbor, a big, hairy guy living few miles away, comes to visit him for the first time.
"There will be a party New Year’s Eve at my place, are you interested?", asks the neighbor.
The guy, already a bit bored of his quiet living, says "Okay, why not."
"There will be some dancing and singing there", informs the neighbor.
"It's okay, I can sing", he answers.
"And know that there will be heavy drinking too."
"That's not a problem either, I haven't had a drink since I moved here."
"There will be fighting too", says the neighbor.
"Uh, okay, I think I can live with that", he replies.
"And after all that's been done, there will be some wild sex."
"Now that's good, I haven't got laid in ages!", he says, getting all excited about it.
"So I can count you in?", asks the neighbor.
"You bet you can", he answers enthusiastically.
"Okay, so it's a deal. Tonight at my place", says the neighbor and turns to go away.
"Wait, one last thing!", he yells after the big, hairy neighbor. "What should I wear?"
"Oh, doesn't matter, just gonna be the two of us."
A friend of mine went to his sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner. His mom was telling his sister she needed something at the store and she needed to get it right now. As his sister left for the store, she told mom to check to the turkey in the oven in 30 minutes, and after she left, the Mom opened the freezer and pulled out a cornish hen. She took the turkey out of the oven and shoved the cornish hen into the turkey. later after the sister got home she pulled out the turkey to carve it for dinner. However when she did she found the cornish hen and all heck broke out. Her mother started yelling "you just cooked a pregnant turkey". His sister starting crying and it took them the rest of the day to convince her that turkey lay eggs.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
100th pint of blood donated 7/19/2022 . Transactions with WilliamF, Relaxn, LukeMarshal, jclovescoins, braddick, JWP, Weather11am, Fairlaneman, Dscoins, lordmarcovan, Collectorcoins, SurfinxHI, JimW. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that who so believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.
I helped a friend rebuild his car engine one summer. I told him i knew nothing about car repairs. He was ok with it, as he knew what he was doing and just needed a gopher to bring him the parts. We finished with the weekend project mid sunday afternoon. He was rather happy with his finished rebuilt engine until I asked him what he wanted to do with the big bucket of nuts/bolts/etc.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
My 1st experience rebuilding a motor was helping a friend with his 1966 289 Mustang. There was only 1 piece we couldn't figure out that was left over. It was a thick waxy, rubbery rope looking thing. Well, we found out what it was when he cranked it and all the oil pumped right out on the ground. It was the rear main seal!
@JWP said:
I helped a friend rebuild his car engine one summer. I told him i knew nothing about car repairs. He was ok with it, as he knew what he was doing and just needed a gopher to bring him the parts. We finished with the weekend project mid sunday afternoon. He was rather happy with his finished rebuilt engine until I asked him what he wanted to do with the big bucket of nuts/bolts/etc.
A MAN IN A FLORIDA SUPERMARKET TRIES TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.
THE VERY YOUNG PRODUCE ASSISTANT TELLS HIM THAT THEY SELL ONLY WHOLE HEADS OF LETTUCE.
THE MAN PERSISTS AND ASKS TO SEE THE MANAGER.
THE BOY SAYS HE'LL ASK HIS MANAGER ABOUT IT.
WALKING INTO THE BACK ROOM, THE BOY SAID TO HIS MANAGER,
'SOME A$$HOLE WANTS TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.'
AS HE FINISHED HIS SENTENCE, HE TURNED TO FIND THE MAN
STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, SO HE ADDED, 'AND THIS GENTLEMAN HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO BUY THE OTHER HALF.'
THE MANAGER APPROVED THE DEAL, AND THE MAN WENT ON HIS WAY.
LATER THE MANAGER SAID TO THE BOY,
'I WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY YOU GOT YOURSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION EARLIER.
WE LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK ON THEIR FEET HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?'
'GREENBAY, WISCONSIN , SIR,' THE BOY REPLIED.
'WELL, WHY DID YOU LEAVE GREENBAY?' THE MANAGER ASKED.
THE BOY SAID, 'SIR, THERE'S NOTHING BUT WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS UP THERE.'
'REALLY?' SAID THE MANAGER. 'MY WIFE IS FROM GREENBAY.'
'NO $HIT?' REPLIED THE BOY. 'WHAT POSITION DID SHE PLAY
Comments
i now interrupt this humorfest with an accumulation of DOG ZOOMIES
.
A man, tired of busy life in the city, moves to a house at the countryside, middle of nowhere. After living there for few months, his nearest neighbor, a big, hairy guy living few miles away, comes to visit him for the first time.
"There will be a party New Year’s Eve at my place, are you interested?", asks the neighbor.
The guy, already a bit bored of his quiet living, says "Okay, why not."
"There will be some dancing and singing there", informs the neighbor.
"It's okay, I can sing", he answers.
"And know that there will be heavy drinking too."
"That's not a problem either, I haven't had a drink since I moved here."
"There will be fighting too", says the neighbor.
"Uh, okay, I think I can live with that", he replies.
"And after all that's been done, there will be some wild sex."
"Now that's good, I haven't got laid in ages!", he says, getting all excited about it.
"So I can count you in?", asks the neighbor.
"You bet you can", he answers enthusiastically.
"Okay, so it's a deal. Tonight at my place", says the neighbor and turns to go away.
"Wait, one last thing!", he yells after the big, hairy neighbor. "What should I wear?"
"Oh, doesn't matter, just gonna be the two of us."
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A friend of mine went to his sister's house for Thanksgiving dinner. His mom was telling his sister she needed something at the store and she needed to get it right now. As his sister left for the store, she told mom to check to the turkey in the oven in 30 minutes, and after she left, the Mom opened the freezer and pulled out a cornish hen. She took the turkey out of the oven and shoved the cornish hen into the turkey. later after the sister got home she pulled out the turkey to carve it for dinner. However when she did she found the cornish hen and all heck broke out. Her mother started yelling "you just cooked a pregnant turkey". His sister starting crying and it took them the rest of the day to convince her that turkey lay eggs.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
I helped a friend rebuild his car engine one summer. I told him i knew nothing about car repairs. He was ok with it, as he knew what he was doing and just needed a gopher to bring him the parts. We finished with the weekend project mid sunday afternoon. He was rather happy with his finished rebuilt engine until I asked him what he wanted to do with the big bucket of nuts/bolts/etc.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
My 1st experience rebuilding a motor was helping a friend with his 1966 289 Mustang. There was only 1 piece we couldn't figure out that was left over. It was a thick waxy, rubbery rope looking thing. Well, we found out what it was when he cranked it and all the oil pumped right out on the ground. It was the rear main seal!
I HOPE SANTA GOT THIS LETTER
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Pacific Northwest Numismatic Association
She just hasn’t mastered the fine art of gold digging.
That's great @carabonnair
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A MAN IN A FLORIDA SUPERMARKET TRIES TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.
THE VERY YOUNG PRODUCE ASSISTANT TELLS HIM THAT THEY SELL ONLY WHOLE HEADS OF LETTUCE.
THE MAN PERSISTS AND ASKS TO SEE THE MANAGER.
THE BOY SAYS HE'LL ASK HIS MANAGER ABOUT IT.
WALKING INTO THE BACK ROOM, THE BOY SAID TO HIS MANAGER,
'SOME A$$HOLE WANTS TO BUY HALF A HEAD OF LETTUCE.'
AS HE FINISHED HIS SENTENCE, HE TURNED TO FIND THE MAN
STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, SO HE ADDED, 'AND THIS GENTLEMAN HAS KINDLY OFFERED TO BUY THE OTHER HALF.'
THE MANAGER APPROVED THE DEAL, AND THE MAN WENT ON HIS WAY.
LATER THE MANAGER SAID TO THE BOY,
'I WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE WAY YOU GOT YOURSELF OUT OF THAT SITUATION EARLIER.
WE LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK ON THEIR FEET HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM, SON?'
'GREENBAY, WISCONSIN , SIR,' THE BOY REPLIED.
'WELL, WHY DID YOU LEAVE GREENBAY?' THE MANAGER ASKED.
THE BOY SAID, 'SIR, THERE'S NOTHING BUT WHORES AND FOOTBALL PLAYERS UP THERE.'
'REALLY?' SAID THE MANAGER. 'MY WIFE IS FROM GREENBAY.'
'NO $HIT?' REPLIED THE BOY. 'WHAT POSITION DID SHE PLAY
.
.
That's a good one
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
peacockcoins
Dave
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...