I was walking to the mail box one day with my little chihuahua, which we did every day. They always say you look like your dog, but in our case we were both hard of hearing and kinda blind on one side. I got the mail and we started back to the house when Bubba fell off the driveway and landed in the ditch. I laughed so hard that I lost my balance and ended up next to to Bubba in the ditch. He looked at me and started licking my face. I guess he was just happy to have company.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A Navy Chief decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
The Chief goes to the Chief's club and stays until the club closes at 0100, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets of his Khakis, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was taking off his uniform, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers at the Chief's Club."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied...
"You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied...
"...my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
When I was in the USAF I was stationed in the UK. I had bought a right hand drive 1960 Austin Princess 4 door car shortly after getting there to travel to and from RAF Mendenhall where I was stationed. A few months later the car was running rough but I really did not understand how rough till I took it to a local car mechanic. I left the base and headed for the repair shop when a wild pheasant jumped out of the road side thicket and proceeded to not only run pass me but he cut right in front of me to cross the road. My Austin princess was left in the roosters dust. EMBARRASSING
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
@JWP said:
When I was in the USAF I was stationed in the UK. I had bought a right hand drive 1960 Austin Princess 4 door car shortly after getting there to travel to and from RAF Mendenhall where I was stationed. A few months later the car was running rough but I really did not understand how rough till I took it to a local car mechanic. I left the base and headed for the repair shop when a wild pheasant jumped out of the road side thicket and proceeded to not only run pass me but he cut right in front of me to cross the road. My Austin princess was left in the roosters dust. EMBARRASSING
I think the more pressing question is WHY did the pheasant cross the road?
@JWP said:
When I was in the USAF I was stationed in the UK. I had bought a right hand drive 1960 Austin Princess 4 door car shortly after getting there to travel to and from RAF Mendenhall where I was stationed. A few months later the car was running rough but I really did not understand how rough till I took it to a local car mechanic. I left the base and headed for the repair shop when a wild pheasant jumped out of the road side thicket and proceeded to not only run pass me but he cut right in front of me to cross the road. My Austin princess was left in the roosters dust. EMBARRASSING
I think the more pressing question is WHY did the pheasant cross the road?
After living in the UK for 2 1/2 years, I found out that brits love to upstage the Yanks. This pheasant just could not pass up this opportunity.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
If you have ever had a dog, you know a lot of them are food challenged. My little chihuahua Bubba loved to sit at my chair any time I was eating. We had a little routine that usually cleared out the room when ever their were too many humans around. I would put a hot dog in my mouth and bubba would start eating at the other end. The hot dog was gone in just a few seconds and the humans were no where to be be seen. Sometimes you could hear them excessively coughing/gagging. Bubba also loved soft serve ice cream, so I would get a large cone and take a lick and then bubba would get his lick in too. The two of us made short order of this tasty treat every time. I usually asked if anyone wanted to share the ice cream cone with us, but there was never any takers. Their loss and more for Bubba and me.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness The Pope. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar
holding the Star of David.
After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. This city is the Seat of Catholicism.
People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Bernie, look who's trying to teach the Schwartz brothers about marketing!"
In the late 1970s I was stationed an England well in the Air Force I was passed from a commander to inspect a small unit attached or Squadron that was in Lands End. I took a bus to London and Men call the small airplane from London to where the unit was stationed. I walked across the runway to the airplane to board. Stewardess Matt me before I got on the plane and immediately asked me what my weight was I told her and she told me where to sit started. I then asked her why she needed to know what my weight was. She told me that she needed to know the weight of all the passengers so you seated evenly distribute the weight so that the airplane could get airborne. I had no choice but to take the flight, but when I set my seat I grabbed both armrest and my Knuckles theme to instantaneously turn white. The flight only lasted about 45 minutes and my Knuckles return to the normal color about two hours after we landed. It was my first introduction to a real White Knuckle Airlines.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Comments
I was walking to the mail box one day with my little chihuahua, which we did every day. They always say you look like your dog, but in our case we were both hard of hearing and kinda blind on one side. I got the mail and we started back to the house when Bubba fell off the driveway and landed in the ditch. I laughed so hard that I lost my balance and ended up next to to Bubba in the ditch. He looked at me and started licking my face. I guess he was just happy to have company.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The only thing we must fear,
is fear itself.
Well, there is also stupid. We should
be very, very afraid of stupid.
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
WHEN THE TERMINATOR CHASES YOU
.
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
A Navy Chief decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
The Chief goes to the Chief's club and stays until the club closes at 0100, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets of his Khakis, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was taking off his uniform, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers at the Chief's Club."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied...
"You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"
"Well," she replied...
"...my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
Cheers, RickO
Looks like the 405 in Irvine.
When I was in the USAF I was stationed in the UK. I had bought a right hand drive 1960 Austin Princess 4 door car shortly after getting there to travel to and from RAF Mendenhall where I was stationed. A few months later the car was running rough but I really did not understand how rough till I took it to a local car mechanic. I left the base and headed for the repair shop when a wild pheasant jumped out of the road side thicket and proceeded to not only run pass me but he cut right in front of me to cross the road. My Austin princess was left in the roosters dust. EMBARRASSING
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Not enough cars.
I think the more pressing question is WHY did the pheasant cross the road?
In New Jersey all the cars would be in the left most lane.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
After living in the UK for 2 1/2 years, I found out that brits love to upstage the Yanks. This pheasant just could not pass up this opportunity.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
If you have ever had a dog, you know a lot of them are food challenged. My little chihuahua Bubba loved to sit at my chair any time I was eating. We had a little routine that usually cleared out the room when ever their were too many humans around. I would put a hot dog in my mouth and bubba would start eating at the other end. The hot dog was gone in just a few seconds and the humans were no where to be be seen. Sometimes you could hear them excessively coughing/gagging. Bubba also loved soft serve ice cream, so I would get a large cone and take a lick and then bubba would get his lick in too. The two of us made short order of this tasty treat every time. I usually asked if anyone wanted to share the ice cream cone with us, but there was never any takers. Their loss and more for Bubba and me.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Two beggars were sitting on a street in Rome.
One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding a Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but put money only into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
One day, a procession came past, and it included His Holiness The Pope. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar
holding the Star of David.
After a few minutes, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. This city is the Seat of Catholicism.
People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, "Bernie, look who's trying to teach the Schwartz brothers about marketing!"
In the late 1970s I was stationed an England well in the Air Force I was passed from a commander to inspect a small unit attached or Squadron that was in Lands End. I took a bus to London and Men call the small airplane from London to where the unit was stationed. I walked across the runway to the airplane to board. Stewardess Matt me before I got on the plane and immediately asked me what my weight was I told her and she told me where to sit started. I then asked her why she needed to know what my weight was. She told me that she needed to know the weight of all the passengers so you seated evenly distribute the weight so that the airplane could get airborne. I had no choice but to take the flight, but when I set my seat I grabbed both armrest and my Knuckles theme to instantaneously turn white. The flight only lasted about 45 minutes and my Knuckles return to the normal color about two hours after we landed. It was my first introduction to a real White Knuckle Airlines.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
My dad used a coat hanger. It got my attention.
Best learning tool ever!
I had whatever dad got his hands on!!😯 I don't know of a whipping I didn't deserve.
I remember getting one at school and going home with a note for another.
@TwoSides2aCoin ....
I'm not sure I know how I feel about laughing at the Schwartz Brothers joke either.
Some Of My Wife's Useless Information
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.