No worries. This thread has been a godsend in putting a little light on a world that has otherwise turned upside down. My thanks to the mods for letting us post here and all the contributers who have brightened up many a chaotic day for countless folks here. Keep up the great posts and keep it clean. We will get through this, like we always do.

Pete

Guy comes in to work Monday with two black eyes. Coworker says, "Geez, what happened to you?" Guy says, "Well, at church yesterday we all stood up to sing a hymn, and I noticed that the gal in front of me had the back of her dress stuck up into her a** crack. I figured that was pretty uncomfortable and she probably felt self-conscious about reaching around and pulling it out, so I discretely reached up and pulled it out for her. Then she turned around and socked me in the eye!" Coworker says, "But what about your other black eye?" Guy says, "Well, I figured she must have preferred to have her dress stuck in her a** crack, so I tucked it back in."

Kirk222 has been trying to shut down this thread for some time. If you report his post to the moderators, he will have succeeded. I like this thread and would hate to see it closed.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.

“That’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?” she asks.

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

My Dear Computeruser Friend:

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've
been having some problems lately. I've been running the same
version of Drinking Buddies 1.0 forever as my primary
application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have
always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies won't
crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is
turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to
turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works
okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my
Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought
I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months
of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have
enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would
require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I
purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave
me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
for while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program.
It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0
was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature
I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way,
which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still
some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in
some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram.
Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and
feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best
connections with your hardware, you usually have to use
gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is
totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend
to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident
version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0
expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he
did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he
describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space,
so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he
decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with
FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw
which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard
if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife
1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself.
Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient
resources.

I sure hope the Publisher straightens out this mess before the creation
of any new versions.

Your Pal,