A guy was out having a round of golf. He sliced one off the tee and it went into the woods. He searched and found his ball in a small clearing with a really nice lie. He looked toward the green and saw that there was a small tree on the right and a slightly larger one ahead of him on his left but a clean shot to the green between them.
He took out a six iron and hit the ball. The ball hit the tree on the left, it bounced off and hit the tree on the right, then ricocheted straight back, struck him in the forehead and killed him instantly.
When he reached the pearly gates, Saint Peter was waiting there with the guy's paperwork. Saint Peter says, "Well, I see you're a golfer, are you any good?" The guy replied, "Well, I got HERE in two."
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Did I read this one here? I'm trying not to repeat any jokes from March 2021.
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
“Are you hurt?” she asks.
She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no.
Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
@jkrk said:
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no.
Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
A couple was celebrating 50 years together.
Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient. You know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to scrimp and save and send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and all cried out, "You mean we're b&stards?"
"Yep," replied the father, "And cheap ones too."
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven and St. Peter asks them, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher, who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say........."LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"
Coins are Neato!
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone...somewhere...is making a penny." - Steven Wright
Comments
I heard you have some puppies ? With spots.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I love this scene in Spaceballs
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
peacockcoins
A guy was out having a round of golf. He sliced one off the tee and it went into the woods. He searched and found his ball in a small clearing with a really nice lie. He looked toward the green and saw that there was a small tree on the right and a slightly larger one ahead of him on his left but a clean shot to the green between them.
He took out a six iron and hit the ball. The ball hit the tree on the left, it bounced off and hit the tree on the right, then ricocheted straight back, struck him in the forehead and killed him instantly.
When he reached the pearly gates, Saint Peter was waiting there with the guy's paperwork. Saint Peter says, "Well, I see you're a golfer, are you any good?" The guy replied, "Well, I got HERE in two."
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Did I read this one here? I'm trying not to repeat any jokes from March 2021.
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day.
“Are you hurt?” she asks.
She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no.
Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Sir ?
Its raining cats and dogs out there.
Um ...Mr. President.
You also have a duck on your head.
She told me its called a duck tail.
A couple was celebrating 50 years together.
Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient. You know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to scrimp and save and send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and all cried out, "You mean we're b&stards?"
"Yep," replied the father, "And cheap ones too."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Short and to the point!
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven and St. Peter asks them, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher, who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say........."LOOK, HE'S MOVING!"
as the picture loaded, I was at already at the LOL moment by the 50% mark, about above midsection, solid funny!
https://i.redd.it/1mzti25j0zo61.gif
That is great!😆
Coins are Neato!
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone...somewhere...is making a penny." - Steven Wright
Pete
Coin related....sort of..... In a way...Cheers, RickO
ok, this should get you a few laughs.
Before I got into capital markets, I used to sell security alarms door to door.
I was really good at it.
If no one was home, I’d leave a brochure on their kitchen table.
That time of year again......
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
I think they mean 'assorted'
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Here's numbering system in the parking lot where I parked my car... What number do I use to pay for my parking spot (marked as CAR)?