Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth.
This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew.
The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours.
The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
A little boy with a speech impediment went Trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He knocked on the first door and yelled, "Bick or Beat" The man came to the door and asked, "Did you mean Trick or Treat?", to which the kid responded, "Ya, Bick or Beat."
The guy asked, "So what are you?" The little boy said, "I'm a Birate." "You're a what?" asked the guy. The irritated kid repeated, "I'm a Birate!" to which the guy said, "Oh, you're a Pirate." Frustrated, the little boy exclaimed, "That's what I said, I'm a Birate!"
"If you're a Pirate, then where are your Buccaneers?" asked the man. The little boy, disgusted with the guy yells, "My Bucking Ears are right here, where are your bucking eyes?"
Home Room Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Class started before I got here.
Math Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication exam on
the floor?
Student: You told us to do it without using tables.
Chemistry Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What ARE you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
American History Teacher: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Do you know why Washington's father didn't punish him?
Student: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
English Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher.
@CCGGG said:
And now a little Superbowl humor for you sports fans....
Q: What do you call a room full of grown men crying in their beer while watching Super Bowl LV on a big screen TV?
A: The Patriots
B: The Packers!
Or the Bills
I like it better using the Patriots as an example because they were "STUPID" enough to let Brady go... Just goes to show you, it was Brady all those years and not Belicheat!
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed. The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
Comments
Great photoshop!! 🙂
Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth.
This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought, one man blurts out, “Make the entire ocean into beer!” The genie claps her hands and the entire sea turns into brew.
The other man looks disgustedly at the one who made the wish and says, “Nice going! Now we’re going to have to pee in the boat.”
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours.
The blacksmith instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.”
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he’s the village blacksmith.
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Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Orion's Belt is a big waist of space.
Terrible joke. Only 3 stars!
1976 Steve Martin
Seems like it was yesterday
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Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Dave
A little boy with a speech impediment went Trick-or-treating dressed as a pirate. He knocked on the first door and yelled, "Bick or Beat" The man came to the door and asked, "Did you mean Trick or Treat?", to which the kid responded, "Ya, Bick or Beat."
The guy asked, "So what are you?" The little boy said, "I'm a Birate." "You're a what?" asked the guy. The irritated kid repeated, "I'm a Birate!" to which the guy said, "Oh, you're a Pirate." Frustrated, the little boy exclaimed, "That's what I said, I'm a Birate!"
"If you're a Pirate, then where are your Buccaneers?" asked the man. The little boy, disgusted with the guy yells, "My Bucking Ears are right here, where are your bucking eyes?"
Home Room Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Class started before I got here.
Math Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication exam on
the floor?
Student: You told us to do it without using tables.
Chemistry Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H I J K L M N O
Teacher: What ARE you talking about?
Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O.
American History Teacher: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Do you know why Washington's father didn't punish him?
Student: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
English Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher.
Dave
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Yo Dave-99,
I'm seeing double, right ?
Lol.
Any who,
Can you see the Monster, in the back of the steps ?
Yes
Pete
Took my dog to the wrong Vette.
What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws?
Outlaws are wanted.
See, sometimes dogs actually catch the cars they're chasing.
Seems non candidates/non political at this point is OK to share, so until I get reprimanded (I hope not) here's a winner.
@marcmoish That is just hilarious!!
Dave
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/diego-curbelo-garrido-6ab27566_ugcPost-6758092170206420993-8K6y
It would be fun to start a separate thread for all of the B. Sanders photo shop pictures.
And now a little Superbowl humor for you sports fans....
Q: What do you call a room full of grown men crying in their beer while watching Super Bowl LV on a big screen TV?
A: The Patriots
B: The Packers!
Or the Bills
I like it better using the Patriots as an example because they were "STUPID" enough to let Brady go... Just goes to show you, it was Brady all those years and not Belicheat!
That's me
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Me too
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That is great
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
Where's Bernnie ?
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.
EXIT. Stage Left.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed. The moral of the story?
If you’re going to have a senior moment… make it memorable.
>
when all is said and done, Tom Brady showing off his 7th Super Bowl ring
Kennedys are my quest...