A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance, paperwork, volatile patients, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”
"My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, 'What’s wrong?' She screamed, 'These contractions are going to kill me!' 'I am sorry, honey,' I replied. 'What is wrong?'
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Beating around the bush
Jumping to conclusions
Climbing up the wall
Passing the buck
Throwing your weight around
Dragging your heels
Pushing your luck
Hitting the nail on the head
"I think the girl at the airline's check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Window or aisle?' I laughed in her face and replied, 'Window or you’ll what?'”
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@1630Boston said:
"I think the girl at the airline's check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Window or aisle?' I laughed in her face and replied, 'Window or you’ll what?'”
😂😂😂😂 Had to read it several times. Yes sir getting old is tough but I still have a sense of humor and that’s funny 👍🏼
"The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said, 'Happy...,' and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said, '...40-second birthday.' I was so proud."
.
"I told my daughter, 'Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.' She said, 'What's that got to do with anything?' I said, 'That means it's pasture bedtime.'"
.
"My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...she got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again."
.
A guy comes home early from a business trip. As the taxi pulls up in front of his house, he notices a strange car in his driveway.
Suspecting his wife is having an affair he asks the cabbie, “How’d you like to make a quick hundred bucks?” The cabbie says, “Sure; what do I have to do?” The guy says, “Just follow me and be my witness.”
The husband and the cabbie burst into the bedroom catching the man’s wife in bed with a stranger. The husband pulls out a gun and holds it to the stranger’s head. “My God!” cries the wife, “Please don’t shoot him, it’s all my fault!” She goes on, “I lied to you; I’m not a high paid executive. I lost my job two years ago; I’m flat broke. I was depressed, and I met this man and we began an affair. But before you do anything rash, I must tell you, the season Patriots tickets? Well, HE paid for them. And the yacht, the yacht club dues, and the country club dues? He paid for all of that, too! He even paid for your executive box seats at the Fenway Park along with last year’s Superbowl tickets!
Shaken but still holding the gun to the stranger’s head, the husband turns to the cabbie and asks, “For the love of God, what should I do?”
The cabbie says, “I’d pull the blankets up over his ass so he doesn’t catch his death of cold.”
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
"I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it to roll up a joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again."
.
Comments
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance, paperwork, volatile patients, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
He’s dreaming of the fish tank😂
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Pete
"My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, 'What’s wrong?' She screamed, 'These contractions are going to kill me!' 'I am sorry, honey,' I replied. 'What is wrong?'
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
"Cop: 'I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.' Man: 'Wait! I can explain everything!'"
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought, Wow, this is ledge ‘n’ dairy."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Also notice the watermark "EATLIVER.COM"
Young Numismatist • My Toned Coins
Life is roadblocks. Don't let nothing stop you, 'cause we ain't stopping. - DJ Khaled
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Two guys are in a health club, one is putting on a bra.
"Since when do you wear a bra?"
"Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of my car!"
"Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire."
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Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I'm sorry but that's terrible!
Smitten with DBLCs.
FWIW, here is a photo I took that fits with the theme. Location - Tiananmen Square, China.
Then you will love this one
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"I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Low impact exercises for all ages...
Beating around the bush
Jumping to conclusions
Climbing up the wall
Passing the buck
Throwing your weight around
Dragging your heels
Pushing your luck
Hitting the nail on the head
"For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me the most secretive guy in the office. I can't tell you how much this award means to me."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is. I replied back, 'Sure, my door is always open.'"
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Headed to town
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
"I think the girl at the airline's check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, 'Window or aisle?' I laughed in her face and replied, 'Window or you’ll what?'”
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
😂😂😂😂 Had to read it several times. Yes sir getting old is tough but I still have a sense of humor and that’s funny 👍🏼
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Well................
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Ohhmmmmm! Just couldn't resist. Old hoopster, you present a good one.
"The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said, 'Happy...,' and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said, '...40-second birthday.' I was so proud."
.
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A limbo champion walked into a bar.
He got disqualified.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Ra Ra Ree, kick um in the knee,
Ra Ra Rass, kick um in the...pass?
And the Hurts just keeps on going
and going, and going
"I told my daughter, 'Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.' She said, 'What's that got to do with anything?' I said, 'That means it's pasture bedtime.'"
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
"My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...she got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A guy comes home early from a business trip. As the taxi pulls up in front of his house, he notices a strange car in his driveway.
Suspecting his wife is having an affair he asks the cabbie, “How’d you like to make a quick hundred bucks?” The cabbie says, “Sure; what do I have to do?” The guy says, “Just follow me and be my witness.”
The husband and the cabbie burst into the bedroom catching the man’s wife in bed with a stranger. The husband pulls out a gun and holds it to the stranger’s head. “My God!” cries the wife, “Please don’t shoot him, it’s all my fault!” She goes on, “I lied to you; I’m not a high paid executive. I lost my job two years ago; I’m flat broke. I was depressed, and I met this man and we began an affair. But before you do anything rash, I must tell you, the season Patriots tickets? Well, HE paid for them. And the yacht, the yacht club dues, and the country club dues? He paid for all of that, too! He even paid for your executive box seats at the Fenway Park along with last year’s Superbowl tickets!
Shaken but still holding the gun to the stranger’s head, the husband turns to the cabbie and asks, “For the love of God, what should I do?”
The cabbie says, “I’d pull the blankets up over his ass so he doesn’t catch his death of cold.”
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
"I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it to roll up a joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date