"I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!'"
.
A father passing by his son's bedroom noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love,
Your son, Josh.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.
"Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you're in your prime."
.
A man walks into a store with his eight-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see." replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday,TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
@1630Boston said:
"I'd never let my children watch the orchestra. There's too much sax and violins."
.
Oh, facrissake...where's the "GROAN" selection when you need it?
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
I have been getting a bunch of spoofed number calls. None of the call blocking paraphernalia works. I have an air horn, but I'm reluctant to use it because they could respond in kind.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
...a stick.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
I have been getting a bunch of spoofed number calls. None of the call blocking paraphernalia works. I have an air horn, but I'm reluctant to use it because they could respond in kind.
I have a Digitone Call blocker connected to my answering machine.
It blocks about 90% of the spam calls.
It also allows any of my family and friends calls to come thru.
I never answer the phone anymore until after my recorded message plays ending with
"leave a message after the beep". If it is a caller that is a scam, they do not leave a message.
If they do leave a message, I can accept the call, block it or just delete it.
Wayne
For those who tire of jokes after a sentence or two.
Two husbands are talking. One says: "My best friend, Jimmy, ran away with my wife." The second asks: "Is he still your best friend?" "Not since he brought her back.
.
good grief man. i clicked the masked emoji in my sig for the first time in a while and literally land on your post of a little kid getting ready to poke a dog in it's glory hole!
i have no idea what to make of it but im done with this thread for the day and i just got here.
.
good grief man. i clicked the masked emoji in my sig for the first time in a while and literally land on your post of a little kid getting ready to poke a dog in it's glory hole!
i have no idea what to make of it but im done with this thread for the day and i just got here.
Two Texans find themselves in hell and Satan goes to see how they are. They seem too comfortable so Satan goes and turns up the furnaces to heat things up. Satan checks on the Texans and they are out having a BBQ, drinking beer and having a great time. Satan quickly runs back and turns the heat off and soon hell freezes over. Satan goes to check on the Texans and they’re happier than ever. Satan asks how can you be so happy? The Texans speak up and say the Cowboys just won the superbowl!
"May the silver waves that bear you heavenward be filled with love’s whisperings"
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
@amwldcoin said:
Maybe you are just having flashbacks of the things you did at that age?????
.
i did have a red brindle terrier as a child/kid for many years into my teens. i recall running around in crescent city, ca a bit as a youth with him in the woods with a little stream (coulda been a drainage ditch, too young to recall) with a LARGE woods to run around in while in my scooby doo underwear!
.
good grief man. i clicked the masked emoji in my sig for the first time in a while and literally land on your post of a little kid getting ready to poke a dog in it's glory hole!
i have no idea what to make of it but im done with this thread for the day and i just got here.
LOL! It's just a doorbell -
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Comments
I cant' LOL- OMG , I'm next!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
And some things even rats won't eat.
Quite please.
Dramamine is what you need Di Vince. Look in the red book.
"I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!'"
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A father passing by his son's bedroom noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love,
Your son, Josh.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.
"Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you're in your prime."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A man walks into a store with his eight-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see." replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday,TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........"
"I'd never let my children watch the orchestra. There's too much sax and violins."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Oh, facrissake...where's the "GROAN" selection when you need it?
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Took me a little bit to get it.
Groan needed again...
Smitten with DBLCs.
@Aotearoa (Groan needed again...)
I'm sorry - but why not pile on?????????
It had to happen sooner or later -
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Holy crossing Batman !
"eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches."
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
I have been getting a bunch of spoofed number calls. None of the call blocking paraphernalia works. I have an air horn, but I'm reluctant to use it because they could respond in kind.
Just answer your phone “ so & so police dept. this is sgt so &so how may I help you. Remind them that all calls are recorded 😂
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Unfortunately most of these junk calls are from machines.
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
What do you call a fly without wings?
...a walk.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
...a stick.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Cheers, RickO
I just received the lastest equipment from a great deal on line! Are you saying I’m not 21st century > @WillieBoyd2 said:
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
I have a Digitone Call blocker connected to my answering machine.
It blocks about 90% of the spam calls.
It also allows any of my family and friends calls to come thru.
I never answer the phone anymore until after my recorded message plays ending with
"leave a message after the beep". If it is a caller that is a scam, they do not leave a message.
If they do leave a message, I can accept the call, block it or just delete it.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
This it? Very reasonable price
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
For those who tire of jokes after a sentence or two.
Two husbands are talking. One says: "My best friend, Jimmy, ran away with my wife." The second asks: "Is he still your best friend?" "Not since he brought her back.
Can't trust those cats.
I think the human was pushed. lol
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
.
good grief man. i clicked the masked emoji in my sig for the first time in a while and literally land on your post of a little kid getting ready to poke a dog in it's glory hole!
i have no idea what to make of it but im done with this thread for the day and i just got here.
Maybe you are just having flashbacks of the things you did at that age?????
Two Texans find themselves in hell and Satan goes to see how they are. They seem too comfortable so Satan goes and turns up the furnaces to heat things up. Satan checks on the Texans and they are out having a BBQ, drinking beer and having a great time. Satan quickly runs back and turns the heat off and soon hell freezes over. Satan goes to check on the Texans and they’re happier than ever. Satan asks how can you be so happy? The Texans speak up and say the Cowboys just won the superbowl!
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
.
i did have a red brindle terrier as a child/kid for many years into my teens. i recall running around in crescent city, ca a bit as a youth with him in the woods with a little stream (coulda been a drainage ditch, too young to recall) with a LARGE woods to run around in while in my scooby doo underwear!
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
From the book Bad cat N.O’Bryne
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Lafayette Grading Set
don't push the button.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Our granddog playing possum
Lafayette Grading Set
LOL! It's just a doorbell -
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Victor...what did you do ?
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Question: why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?
Answer: she/he had trouble with their pupils.
"I have a Russian friend who’s a sound engineer. And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...