In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds. So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's, and Krispy Kreme.
And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?"
And Man said: "Yes!"
And Woman said: "I'll have one, too. with sprinkles."
And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!"
And Satan said: " It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And Satan chuckled and created HMOs.
After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.”
“Now ... We have an $800,000 home, a $65,000 car, a nice big bed and a large-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of the bargain."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
Got a new cat. The old cat hangs with me and does coins and scratches. The new cat not to be outdone. Saw this picture and now is practicing. I told him no peacocks
Two women were fighting bitterly in Chicago for the last seat on a bus.
The driver tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.
We need new material guys.
Too many reposts of old posts.
I have had at least 7 of my posts reposted.
The sad part is that the new reposts get more laughs than the original.
I too am guilty of doing at least one repost which I deleted with an apology.
Jay
@jkrk said:
We need new material guys.
Too many reposts of old posts.
I have had at least 7 of my posts reposted.
The sad part is that the new reposts get more laughs than the original.
I too am guilty of doing at least one repost which I deleted with an apology.
Jay
I love re-hearing/reading old jokes that are good....
I am here for the good times not for giving credit to someone that just
copied someone elses old joke anyway........
If you like it and it makes you feel good POST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@jkrk said:
We need new material guys.
Too many reposts of old posts.
I have had at least 7 of my posts reposted.
The sad part is that the new reposts get more laughs than the original.
I too am guilty of doing at least one repost which I deleted with an apology.
Jay
"My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, 'NOT THE KRYPTONITE!' and I said, 'That’s Superman.' He said, 'Thanks, man, I've been practicing."
Comments
Digging for buried victims of The Cereal Killer
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
U.S. Type Set
In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds. So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's, and Krispy Kreme.
And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?"
And Man said: "Yes!"
And Woman said: "I'll have one, too. with sprinkles."
And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!"
And Satan said: " It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And Satan chuckled and created HMOs.
Pete
U.S. Type Set
Cheers, RickO
After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.”
“Now ... We have an $800,000 home, a $65,000 car, a nice big bed and a large-screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of the bargain."
My wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
Cheers, RickO
"The family that sues each other stays together"
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
Sean doesn’t need any enemies.
Now, that's a car! 😁
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cleveland Indians Hitting coach!!!!!!!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Oh Crap - What if God made the damn?????
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Got a new cat. The old cat hangs with me and does coins and scratches. The new cat not to be outdone. Saw this picture and now is practicing. I told him no peacocks
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
@Jzyskowski1
"New" cat is trying to let his "OLD" friends in........................or else he's trying to get out of "Jail"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Try our new broccoli flavored cat nip,. .. .
Your feline will make a beeline.
What - or who - is that on the roof??? Cheers, RickO
Batman
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
They begin the evening news with “Good Evening,” then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Two women were fighting bitterly in Chicago for the last seat on a bus.
The driver tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.
Oh no another emergency
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Another sales pitch for people who collect labels.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
But Wayne what if they run out? How can we allow this to happen. Quick, before they have to call Philly or WP. Why did this happen to us? 😂
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
We need new material guys.
Too many reposts of old posts.
I have had at least 7 of my posts reposted.
The sad part is that the new reposts get more laughs than the original.
I too am guilty of doing at least one repost which I deleted with an apology.
Jay
Just checking if we're all paying attention.
What?
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Cheers, RickO
@jkrk why is it sad, reposts get more laughs?????
I love re-hearing/reading old jokes that are good....
I am here for the good times not for giving credit to someone that just
copied someone elses old joke anyway........
If you like it and it makes you feel good POST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a poster to remain unnamed looking for new material
...edited to remove the dog.
Someone's pooch here on the boards, pooch remains anon, go figure, never mind, carry on folks
Imitation is the sincere form of flattery
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Lafayette Grading Set
Insert close up of corroded coin here - X
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, 'NOT THE KRYPTONITE!' and I said, 'That’s Superman.' He said, 'Thanks, man, I've been practicing."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...