I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned sixty-five).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs? '
I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said...
then why do you even give a crap.
A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again.
After dinner the man informed the waiter that these were better than the pair he had the previous afternoon but the portion was much smaller.
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."
Jest in Time
Fun facts about the origins of common phrases!
A shot of whiskey - In the old West, a .45 caliber cartridge for a
six-gun cost 12 cents, and so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand
was low on cash, he could give the bartender a cartridge in
exchange for a drink. This became known as "a shot of whiskey".
Cobweb - The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".
Sleep tight - Early beds were a wooden frame with ropes tied
across and a straw mattress placed on top. Over time the ropes
stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then
tighten the ropes to get a better night's sleep.
Ship state rooms - When traveling by steamboat was considered
the height of comfort, Passenger cabins were not numbered but
named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called
"staterooms".
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
You Have These Symptoms, You May Have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Recently, a women was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my flower tubs.
As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
I go to get the car keys from the porch and then notice mail on the porch table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think, I can run down to the post-box when I take out the rubbish I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in the computer desk, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of soda I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The soda is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the window ledge catches my eye--they need water.
I put the soda on the window ledge and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my computer desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the window ledge, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but some spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The tubs aren't watered;
The car isn't washed;
The bills aren't paid;
There is a warm can of soda sitting on the window ledge;
The flowers don't have enough water;
There is still only 1 check in my check book;
I can't find the remote;
I can't find my glasses;
I have absolutely NO idea what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to work out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all the darn day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
@emeraldATV said:
I took 2 days off and my boss ask me to leave a number where I can be reached, just in case.
And this came to mind 1-800-dialaprayer.
OK so I've been wanting to say this for some time.
I like you, you seem like a nice guy.
You surely get an A for effort!
But I really want to give you an LOL too, like here n there, but for the life of me, I just don't can't.
I promise I try .
Perhaps I'd suggest to you, as a friend, take more than 2 days off as you mentioned above, and keep an open line with
1800-dialaprayer.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed the trip. She left her glasses on the
table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before
they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses,
the old geezer yelled out to her,
"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card".
Walker Proof Digital Album Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
edited to add: RIP giant enemy spider video. i'm so sorry i didn't download you like i have countless other useless videos. you were my favorite and i just let you get away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comments
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned sixty-five).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs? '
I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said...
then why do you even give a crap.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
This happened to my dash cam... the stupid thief
BST: KindaNewish (3/21/21), WQuarterFreddie (3/30/21), Meltdown (4/6/21), DBSTrader2 (5/5/21) AKA- unclemonkey on Blow Out
Actors and their stunt doubles
Pete
Lets see the front.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
I would buy it's against forum rules!
I had a colonoscopy last week. My wife told the doctor: "Once you're up there, get the bug out!"
My wife told the doctor the same thing!! 🤡
I took 2 days off and my boss ask me to leave a number where I can be reached, just in case.
And this came to mind 1-800-dialaprayer.
40 seconds worth, you decide if it's funny.
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again.
After dinner the man informed the waiter that these were better than the pair he had the previous afternoon but the portion was much smaller.
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."
Cheers, RickO
Jest in Time
Fun facts about the origins of common phrases!
A shot of whiskey - In the old West, a .45 caliber cartridge for a
six-gun cost 12 cents, and so did a glass of whiskey. If a cowhand
was low on cash, he could give the bartender a cartridge in
exchange for a drink. This became known as "a shot of whiskey".
Cobweb - The Old English word for "spider" was "cob".
Sleep tight - Early beds were a wooden frame with ropes tied
across and a straw mattress placed on top. Over time the ropes
stretched, causing the bed to sag. The owner would then
tighten the ropes to get a better night's sleep.
Ship state rooms - When traveling by steamboat was considered
the height of comfort, Passenger cabins were not numbered but
named after states. To this day cabins on ships are called
"staterooms".
My covid collage experience
They do... in Utah.
I think that this just might apply to us.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Or Florida!
One of the Monkeys got out of his Barrel and now he's climbing my Jenga !
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,
"Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
You Have These Symptoms, You May Have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
Recently, a women was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my flower tubs.
As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
I go to get the car keys from the porch and then notice mail on the porch table.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table and notice that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think, I can run down to the post-box when I take out the rubbish I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in the computer desk, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of soda I'd been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The soda is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the window ledge catches my eye--they need water.
I put the soda on the window ledge and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my computer desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the window ledge, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but some spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
Then, when I try to work out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all the darn day, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
I bet in the old days they slept better than us.
When I first read the small print, I thought it said Killfully combined. lol
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
OK so I've been wanting to say this for some time.
I like you, you seem like a nice guy.
You surely get an A for effort!
But I really want to give you an LOL too, like here n there, but for the life of me, I just don't can't.
I promise I try .
Perhaps I'd suggest to you, as a friend, take more than 2 days off as you mentioned above, and keep an open line with
1800-dialaprayer.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed the trip. She left her glasses on the
table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before
they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses,
the old geezer yelled out to her,
"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card".
I guess I am a robot.
I need a robot to answer the question. lol
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
peacockcoins
https://share.icloud.com/photos/0CqCznQdsECJ6ETtQDeG4N4Qg
Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
"You cant handle the tooth"
Me too!!! ☺️
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
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.
.
ok.
.
.
.
brace yourselves.
once you watch this, there is no coming back...
.
.
.
you
.
.
.
.
.
were
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.
.
.
.
warned
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edited to add: RIP giant enemy spider video. i'm so sorry i didn't download you like i have countless other useless videos. you were my favorite and i just let you get away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!