The Grinch lives over there.
Whoville is over there.
The Unbomitable snowdude lives with that dentist Dr Wilson, next to Snoopy's shed behind the pumpkin patch.
Annnd, its cloudy, so the looney eclips is a total rainout. This is lucy reporting, and now back too you at the station.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
When i was in the 5th grade my school was voting for patrol boy officers (crossing guards) and my friend in the 6th grade said I was a shoo-in for Lieutenant. I really felt sorry for my opponent losing REALLY BAD that I figured I would give him my vote, seeing as how I was going to win by a landslide (My buddy in the 6th grade was the 1st election pollster).
The votes were counted and I lost by 1 vote. NO, my name is not Al Gore and I was the real founder of "EVERY VOTE COUNTS".
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Sounds like too much screwing around - Try this: - Kiss wife goodbye when she goes to her mother's house and say "I wish I could come with you but my hip is hurting so bad today" - watch her pull out of the driveway and head off down the road then start laughing and dancing with the dog as now we are "Home Alone" to peace and quiet all afternoon long!!!!!! Watching football and eating junkfood all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
If elves have 8 fingers, how many toes do they have ?
That's a gimme..
Elves don't have fingers, they have tools powered by humility.
So,, what did your P.O. say.
LOL
I really don't care to peep. that just fell in my lap when I read that.
look very close Boston yule scream.
There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
When I served on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, we had a crewmate that just never seemed to get to the ship's store when it was open. So he decided to get in line before the ship's store store opened. Then murphy's law hit him. He just had to go #2, but couldn't hold it. So he decided to blouse his pants ( he tucked his pants legs into his socks) and continued to stay in line until the store opened. Shortly after he did his job in his pant legs and socks, the ship's store opened and he was the only customer that entered. It was later said that he was able to purchase everything he needed because the ship's store clerk donned his gas mask. He was probably the 1st real Captain Underpants known to mankind.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Comments
Deleted
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
No elf's toes needed.
The Grinch lives over there.
Whoville is over there.
The Unbomitable snowdude lives with that dentist Dr Wilson, next to Snoopy's shed behind the pumpkin patch.
Annnd, its cloudy, so the looney eclips is a total rainout. This is lucy reporting, and now back too you at the station.
Snoopy? The baron sent you a turkey wind chime.
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If elves have 8 fingers, how many toes do they have ?
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SPECIAL DELIVERY..............
I see a bunch of panda bears gathered under the tree?
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
When i was in the 5th grade my school was voting for patrol boy officers (crossing guards) and my friend in the 6th grade said I was a shoo-in for Lieutenant. I really felt sorry for my opponent losing REALLY BAD that I figured I would give him my vote, seeing as how I was going to win by a landslide (My buddy in the 6th grade was the 1st election pollster).
The votes were counted and I lost by 1 vote. NO, my name is not Al Gore and I was the real founder of "EVERY VOTE COUNTS".
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Because everything sounds like a home invasion when you're in the shower.
peacockcoins
My Wife's Cooking Tip For Cooking A Holiday Turkey
Sounds like too much screwing around - Try this: - Kiss wife goodbye when she goes to her mother's house and say "I wish I could come with you but my hip is hurting so bad today" - watch her pull out of the driveway and head off down the road then start laughing and dancing with the dog as now we are "Home Alone" to peace and quiet all afternoon long!!!!!! Watching football and eating junkfood all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
The Galloping Gourmet and someone named Brandy was good TV and I learned how to cook also.
Was Superman introduced to us when twisties enabled us to bend steel with our bare hands ?
That's a gimme..
Elves don't have fingers, they have tools powered by humility.
So,, what did your P.O. say.
LOL
I really don't care to peep. that just fell in my lap when I read that.
look very close Boston yule scream.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
Cheers, RickO
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cheers, RickO
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
When I served on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, we had a crewmate that just never seemed to get to the ship's store when it was open. So he decided to get in line before the ship's store store opened. Then murphy's law hit him. He just had to go #2, but couldn't hold it. So he decided to blouse his pants ( he tucked his pants legs into his socks) and continued to stay in line until the store opened. Shortly after he did his job in his pant legs and socks, the ship's store opened and he was the only customer that entered. It was later said that he was able to purchase everything he needed because the ship's store clerk donned his gas mask. He was probably the 1st real Captain Underpants known to mankind.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
I made a bet with my dog who can invite the most friends over for dinner - he won! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.