One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Four retired guys were playing their weekly game of golf.
One of them remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said......
“Let’s do it! We’ll make it a Priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first man says.......
“Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a big diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
The second guy said......
“My wife is at home planning our cruise that I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
The third guy says......
“Well my wife is at home admiring her new car , reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas!
It’s a great morning for either sex or golf”
And she said.................
“Take a sweater”
In a nuclear explosion that wipes out the world of most people, the only thing that will be left are cockroaches and (insert your favorite person or persons).
@bearcave said:
In a nuclear explosion that wipes out the world of most people, the only thing that will be left are cockroaches and (insert your favorite person or persons).
Only thing left will be cockroaches and spammers selling car warranties
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. But when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Boston Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.
A short while later I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?" I asked.
“See," he continued, "By tying this string to the tip of your ‘you know what,’ we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
Curious, I asked “After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
Comments
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Cheers, RickO
peacockcoins
Husband looks at his wife in surprise, "Wow darling, you look all different and nice today! Is that a new hairdo?"
The wife hisses from behind him, "I’m over here, Arnold!"
Automatic weapons, huh.
No. Those are semi-automatic pistols.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Half of you.
Or maybe none of him?
Luke ? It's just a turkey drop, no drama please.
It worked...GPS anyone ?
Were gonna need a bigger kettle.
Nice Lance 🙀
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Never saw the humor in these posts. Tiresome
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Stop re-posting them and block him like I did. I only see his garbage when it get's re-posted by someone else.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Four retired guys were playing their weekly game of golf.
One of them remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument, go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said......
“Let’s do it! We’ll make it a Priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning.”
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first man says.......
“Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a big diamond ring that she can’t take her eyes off it.”
The second guy said......
“My wife is at home planning our cruise that I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures.”
The third guy says......
“Well my wife is at home admiring her new car , reading the manual.”
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they all had lost their minds.
“I can’t believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I woke up, slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas!
It’s a great morning for either sex or golf”
And she said.................
“Take a sweater”
Cheers, RickO
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
have the OP blocked so I don't have to see guess I have to block you too since you want to repost his #@#%.
Thanks there NUT
Cheers, RickO
JAWS... is all can think of (PG)
In case coinnut and habaraca missed it.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Thanks PerryHall! I have blocked him.
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
In a nuclear explosion that wipes out the world of most people, the only thing that will be left are cockroaches and (insert your favorite person or persons).
Only thing left will be cockroaches and spammers selling car warranties
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
yeppers some folks are just that hateful......
time to block another #@!#$
peacockcoins
Cheers, RickO
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
peacockcoins
Funny - reminded me of this one............
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Star Wars marathon on tv today...
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
peacockcoins
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. But when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Boston Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.
A short while later I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom."
"How so?" I asked.
“See," he continued, "By tying this string to the tip of your ‘you know what,’ we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
Curious, I asked “After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
I know, hence the comment. Whoever made the sign doesn’t know the difference.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.