BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP…clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP…
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
…and… of…course, …the coffin stops!
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"You crafty little bugger," replied the Fairy.
@SkyMan you better watch out. The informal moderator @WAYNEAS will tell you to take your post down because it's to "political". He did it to me for the same level of "pollical humor". My cartoon indicated **all **politicians had no brains.
Yet he has no problem posting jokes about little kids being eaten by a witch. Here's WAYNEAS post:
The correct word here is hypocrisy, and that's why I have him on ignore.
@Oldhoopster said:
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
I guess you don't like comedians.
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
@Oldhoopster said:
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
I guess you don't like comedians.
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Lawyer jokes, however...
Funny is funny regardless of political leanings. There’s enough stupidity being done behind closed doors and in public from all sides to make one laugh. Will Rogers was funny. He just used the government as a source for material.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
50/50 Law: Any time you have a 50/50 chance of being right, you will be wrong 70 percent of the time.
If married this goes up to 90 percent.
Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't love to look at a pretty bust.
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death… We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
PCGS Rule #3 PCGS Forum Rules and Guidelines - Updated 4/19/2021
This is a community, as such, slightly off-topic threads are expected, however, topics such as politics **or other "taboo" subjects are not permitted. **Should the thread be deemed inflammatory, negative or violate any rules it will be deleted or closed at the moderator's discretion, without warning.
Hope you can understand why I asked and not told you to delete your post.
The humor forum is a great one.
If you feel that I erred in my request, please repost it.
Wayne
A retired guy was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said.....
"You used to hold my hand when we were dating."
Wearily the old man reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said....
"Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, the old guy reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said....
"Then you used to bite my neck"
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
The guy replied.....
"To get my teeth!"
Comments
Where is my glow die? I can't see a thang Chuckie.
Lets see ? BOOOOOOHHHAAAAGRRRRRRUUUGGH. Go away son ya bother me. LLLOLLL
Got Light ?
Miller, you think of everything.
Look it's that haunted tunnel ride. Hold your breath so the bats can't feel ya.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Sad but true. Hear about it in the news far too much.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP…clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP…
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
…and… of…course, …the coffin stops!
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"I wish to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"You crafty little bugger," replied the Fairy.
U.S. Type Set
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
@SkyMan you better watch out. The informal moderator @WAYNEAS will tell you to take your post down because it's to "political". He did it to me for the same level of "pollical humor". My cartoon indicated **all **politicians had no brains.
Yet he has no problem posting jokes about little kids being eaten by a witch. Here's WAYNEAS post:
The correct word here is hypocrisy, and that's why I have him on ignore.
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
Concur.
The 2 jokes made fun of both sides.
The definition of irony:
I guess you don't like comedians.
I Decided To Offer Limo Service To Make A Few Extra Bucks.
This Is My 1st Cheap Limo - A VW Stretch Limo
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Lawyer jokes, however...
A FEW BASIC TRUTHS
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
Funny is funny regardless of political leanings. There’s enough stupidity being done behind closed doors and in public from all sides to make one laugh. Will Rogers was funny. He just used the government as a source for material.
50/50 Law: Any time you have a 50/50 chance of being right, you will be wrong 70 percent of the time.
If married this goes up to 90 percent.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death… We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
My Wife Has Decided To Go Back To Daily Excercise
Cheers, RickO
That's just wrong RickO, Wrong!
My Wife Finally declared Her Party Affiliation
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
One Of My Wife's Fun Facts .....
PCGS Rule #3 PCGS Forum Rules and Guidelines - Updated 4/19/2021
This is a community, as such, slightly off-topic threads are expected, however, topics such as politics **or other "taboo" subjects are not permitted. **Should the thread be deemed inflammatory, negative or violate any rules it will be deleted or closed at the moderator's discretion, without warning.
Hope you can understand why I asked and not told you to delete your post.
The humor forum is a great one.
If you feel that I erred in my request, please repost it.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
I. D. ?
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Ooookkkk ...
Rainbow needs a kick start ? "It will never work" !
Some Of My Wife's Useless Information
And a side of ribs, Barney...
Drive In fast food.
What ?
A retired guy was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said.....
"You used to hold my hand when we were dating."
Wearily the old man reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said....
"Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, the old guy reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said....
"Then you used to bite my neck"
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
The guy replied.....
"To get my teeth!"
Cheers, RickO
My Wife Told Me To Hang Up New Lighting In The Spare Room - So I Did
USMC, you just don't get it do you?