The forum needs a little humor.

Wayne

Last night I went into a shop here in St. Croix, thinking about having my ear pierced.
I walked up to the counter and said, "I'd like to get my ear pierced to celebrate spending time here. How much will that cost?"
The shopkeeper replied, "It'll be $20, plus the cost of the earring you get. If that works for you, you can go pick out the earring while I set up to pierce your ear."
I wandered off to look through the options when another guy walked in. He was dressed in shabby clothes, had a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, multiple piercings, and a sword slung at his waist. He walked up to the counter and growls, "Yar, I think it be time to get another set of holes in me ears. How much be it for both?"
The proprietor responded, "That'll be $2."
The pirate walked away to go find just the right pair of earrings to match up with his existing jewelry.
Hearing this, I came back up to the counter and said, "Hey, what's the deal? You're charging me $20 for one ear, but that other guy gets both ears for just $2?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, that's because he's a buccaneer..."

An Octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told everyone scheduled to play was already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap.
The 80 year old said, "I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
They both played well. Coming into the par three 18th they were even. The pro had a nice drive to mid-fairway and would be able to get on the green with the next stroke and then putt for a par with the following play.
The old man hit a long drive, and the ball landed in one of the two sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap on his second stroke, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled right into the hole!
The Assistant Pro was stunned. "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps."
"I do," replied the octogenarian. "Give me a hand."

Cheers, RickO

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance. The son thought about this and went along happy.

The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong.

With a look of shock on his face the young man says, "OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!"

Cheers, RickO

Wayne

Wayne

I lost my wife’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

Cheers, RickO

@ricko said:
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water."

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said,

"Wedding cake."

Cheers, RickO

It also destroys a woman’s sex drive.

So this was
supposed to be about humor. When did pictures of dogs make us laugh? Maybe this counts

Cheers, RickO

Wayne