A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
A gorilla walks into a bar and, to the amazement of the bartender, orders a martini. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he is further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.
The bartender takes the $20 bill, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla $1 change. The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
"We don't get too many apes in here," he says.
The gorilla replies, "At $19 a drink, I'm not surprised."
How about...Can we still quote a Bill Cosby routine or is this my final hours my final hours on the board?
WIFE to husband......."Now, you get up and cook some breakfast. " So I got up. Needless to say, I was angry. And I went downstairs without putting on my robe. Standing there in my pajamas, and I'm talking to myself. I said, "Get these, go down and cook breakfast, but it's six o'clock in the morning," and I slam the pans down. Blam! On the stove. I slam them down and go to the refrigerator and look around and I get to the damn bacon and the sausage, cooking breakfast, six AM in the morning, and I grab the- you have to be careful with eggs. "God! I have to cook breakfast! Boom!!" I turn around. The first one down was the four-year-old. The child looked lovely. Cute little face, clean. Hair in little braids, little things, you know. "Good morn', Daddy." And I said, "What do you want for breakfast!?" The four-year-old has the ability to see through and find the wrong thing. The child saw through my body what was behind me. She saw the chocolate cake. She said, "Can I have the chocolate cake?" And I said, "Chocolate cake, where?" She said, "Chocolate cake behind you." And I looked... and there was chocolate cake! The child wanted chocolate cake for breakfast! How ridiculous! And I said... and someone in my brain looked under chocolate cake and saw the ingredients: eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake! And milk! Oh goody! And wheat! That's nutrition! "What do you want?" "Can I have some chocolate cake?" "Chocolate cake coming up." Sliced it for her and served it. "Now, you need something to drink with the chocolate cake, something breakfast... So I give the child a glass of grapefruit juice and chocolate cake --- nutrition. Eggs, milk, and wheat in the chocolate cake. And... I didn't have to cook. And the other four came downstairs. And when they came downstairs... Those of you who have children, you've seen them come downstairs for school. [imitating sluggish children] And they got to the kitchen. [imitating sluggish children] They saw the four-year-old eating chocolate cake. And they said, "Dad! Where did she get the chocolate cake?" And they went to the child and said, "How did you get chocolate cake?" She said, "Dad give me chocolate cake!" And they looked at me and said, "Father... could we have chocolate cake?" And their father said, "Chocolate cake coming up!!" Four slices ---and grapefruit juice! And five children sat at breakfast and they were eating chocolate cake and singing songs to me: "Dad is great! Give us the chocolate cake!" And we had a ball until... she came down.
Broder walks into a bar with a dog on a leash. “Bartender,” he says, “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks, and a whiskey sour for my dog.”
“I’m sorry sir, but we don’t allow dogs in here.”
“Just a minute,” the dog says. “I’m not used to being treated this way. Maybe you never seen a talking dog.”
“Don’t give me no talking dog,” the bartender tells Broder. “You’re not the first ventriloquist we’ve had in here.”
“Wait, you’ve got it all wrong,” says Broder. “I’ll go across the street to get a newspaper, and I’ll leave the dog here. Then you’ll see.”
When Broder is gone, the dog says, “Hey pal, what happened to my whiskey sour?”
The bartender is astonished. “Sure, right away, it’s on the house. Say, would you do me a favor? Here’s ten bucks. My wife works in the restaurant next door. Would you mind going in and ordering a coffee to go? This will make her day and you can keep the change.”
“Fine,” says the dog, who takes the money and leaves.
A moment later, Broder returns to the bar. “Hey, where’s Oliver?”
“He can talk,” says the bartender. “I gave him ten bucks to surprise my wife. Here, I’ll go with you.”
As they leave the bar, they see Oliver in an alley, having his way with an attractive French poodle.
“Oliver, I can’t believe it,” says Broder. “You’ve never done this before.”
“Hey,” says the dog. “I’ve never had money before.”
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Personally, I don't mind growing older, but my body is taking it
badly.
Unfortunately, there is no lifeguard at the gene pool.
Before falling asleep I promised myself that if I wake up early, I'll
go running. I might also wake up and learn I've won the lottery.
The odds are about the same.
The other day I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach.
Now I'm the proud owner of Aisle 4.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!
honestly, after some of the bird videos i've watched, this is quite possible, especially if the bird learns it gets what it wants after certain phrases. (this reminds me of a vid somewhat related because of learned behaviours that i'll share in the next post.
reminds me of a video compilation i watched of news reports of toddlers ordering some crazy expensive stuff via their parents cc/bank accounts. some serious inconvenience ensued!
Comments
That is what we have been asking for a while now.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
ouch!
I think it was the boss's car.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?” She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
Cheers, RickO
Have you seen Woodstock ?
Woody, where's Woodstock ?
Hae, Hae, Hae, Not my turn to watch him. hae, hae, hae.
I was wind surfing
Reminds me of my mom always telling me to wear clean underwear in case of an accident.
Only accidents i ever had were in my clean underwear!
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
You would think JM Bullion should know the difference between gold and silver.....
Collector
75 Positive BST transactions buying and selling with 45 members and counting!
instagram.com/klnumismatics
A gorilla walks into a bar and, to the amazement of the bartender, orders a martini. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he is further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill.
The bartender takes the $20 bill, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla $1 change. The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence.
"We don't get too many apes in here," he says.
The gorilla replies, "At $19 a drink, I'm not surprised."
Thought you were going here...
I'm thinking of a title for this post?
How about...Can we still quote a Bill Cosby routine or is this my final hours my final hours on the board?
WIFE to husband......."Now, you get up and cook some breakfast. " So I got up. Needless to say, I was angry. And I went downstairs without putting on my robe. Standing there in my pajamas, and I'm talking to myself. I said, "Get these, go down and cook breakfast, but it's six o'clock in the morning," and I slam the pans down. Blam! On the stove. I slam them down and go to the refrigerator and look around and I get to the damn bacon and the sausage, cooking breakfast, six AM in the morning, and I grab the- you have to be careful with eggs. "God! I have to cook breakfast! Boom!!" I turn around. The first one down was the four-year-old. The child looked lovely. Cute little face, clean. Hair in little braids, little things, you know. "Good morn', Daddy." And I said, "What do you want for breakfast!?" The four-year-old has the ability to see through and find the wrong thing. The child saw through my body what was behind me. She saw the chocolate cake. She said, "Can I have the chocolate cake?" And I said, "Chocolate cake, where?" She said, "Chocolate cake behind you." And I looked... and there was chocolate cake! The child wanted chocolate cake for breakfast! How ridiculous! And I said... and someone in my brain looked under chocolate cake and saw the ingredients: eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake! And milk! Oh goody! And wheat! That's nutrition! "What do you want?" "Can I have some chocolate cake?" "Chocolate cake coming up." Sliced it for her and served it. "Now, you need something to drink with the chocolate cake, something breakfast... So I give the child a glass of grapefruit juice and chocolate cake --- nutrition. Eggs, milk, and wheat in the chocolate cake. And... I didn't have to cook. And the other four came downstairs. And when they came downstairs... Those of you who have children, you've seen them come downstairs for school. [imitating sluggish children] And they got to the kitchen. [imitating sluggish children] They saw the four-year-old eating chocolate cake. And they said, "Dad! Where did she get the chocolate cake?" And they went to the child and said, "How did you get chocolate cake?" She said, "Dad give me chocolate cake!" And they looked at me and said, "Father... could we have chocolate cake?" And their father said, "Chocolate cake coming up!!" Four slices ---and grapefruit juice! And five children sat at breakfast and they were eating chocolate cake and singing songs to me: "Dad is great! Give us the chocolate cake!" And we had a ball until... she came down.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Broder walks into a bar with a dog on a leash. “Bartender,” he says, “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks, and a whiskey sour for my dog.”
“I’m sorry sir, but we don’t allow dogs in here.”
“Just a minute,” the dog says. “I’m not used to being treated this way. Maybe you never seen a talking dog.”
“Don’t give me no talking dog,” the bartender tells Broder. “You’re not the first ventriloquist we’ve had in here.”
“Wait, you’ve got it all wrong,” says Broder. “I’ll go across the street to get a newspaper, and I’ll leave the dog here. Then you’ll see.”
When Broder is gone, the dog says, “Hey pal, what happened to my whiskey sour?”
The bartender is astonished. “Sure, right away, it’s on the house. Say, would you do me a favor? Here’s ten bucks. My wife works in the restaurant next door. Would you mind going in and ordering a coffee to go? This will make her day and you can keep the change.”
“Fine,” says the dog, who takes the money and leaves.
A moment later, Broder returns to the bar. “Hey, where’s Oliver?”
“He can talk,” says the bartender. “I gave him ten bucks to surprise my wife. Here, I’ll go with you.”
As they leave the bar, they see Oliver in an alley, having his way with an attractive French poodle.
“Oliver, I can’t believe it,” says Broder. “You’ve never done this before.”
“Hey,” says the dog. “I’ve never had money before.”
peacockcoins
Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."
The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"
Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."
Cheers, RickO
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
Cheers, RickO
An Italian artist managed to sell his latest work of art called "I Am" for more than $18,000.
It's just tough to see how much work he put into it, because the sculpture is an empty space. There is literally nothing in the room. https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/invisible-piece-of-art-sells-for-more-than-18000/ar-AAKI2VF
Please start bidding on the post below. It is titled "Money".
$
bah. of cahss someone from bahston would post that. :P
Found this photo going through my Flash drive. A shout out to Huntsville Ala.
As straight as the crow flies.
Go tide. (The Bears)
Personally, I don't mind growing older, but my body is taking it
badly.
Unfortunately, there is no lifeguard at the gene pool.
Before falling asleep I promised myself that if I wake up early, I'll
go running. I might also wake up and learn I've won the lottery.
The odds are about the same.
The other day I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach.
Now I'm the proud owner of Aisle 4.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback!!!!
.
removed for spell check
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
honestly, after some of the bird videos i've watched, this is quite possible, especially if the bird learns it gets what it wants after certain phrases. (this reminds me of a vid somewhat related because of learned behaviours that i'll share in the next post.
reminds me of a video compilation i watched of news reports of toddlers ordering some crazy expensive stuff via their parents cc/bank accounts. some serious inconvenience ensued!
Pete
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date