The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass.”
“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
“Yes?” said the Instructor.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?”
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the @$$hole is usually in charge.
Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called sexual intercourse.”
“Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends.
A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!”
Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....
"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day.Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL".
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble
with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry,
what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My
sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy
a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She
agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9..'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, '
I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him
some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that
I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a
question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps
into?'
Harry:
'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a
woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last
seven questions wrong...'
@ricko said:
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day.Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL".
Cheers, RickO
Here's the rest of the story:
The armless man was replaced by his also armless twin brother who desperately wanted the job. Unfortunately, he suffered the same fate as his twin brother.
When asked to identify the victim, the Bishop said, "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
The lawyer was cross-examining a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he began, “that you were given $5,000 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question.
The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction, the same no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I'm sorry your honor. I thought he was talking to you.
Comments
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass.”
“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
“Yes?” said the Instructor.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?”
Cheers, RickO
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
peacockcoins
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Lol killer Jesus killing romans with dead fish 😂😂😂
IDTS
Lafayette Grading Set
Bigfoot that's why.
I hate this mask.
Its some other guy, Abe ! Not you.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wall of HONOR transaction list:WonderCoin, CoinFlip, Masscrew, Travintiques, lordmarcovan, Jinx86, Gerard, ElKevvo
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... the @$$hole is usually in charge.
Cheers, RickO
Having been playing outside with his friends, a small boy came into the house and asked: “Grandma, what is it called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”
His grandma was surprised to hear such a forthright question from a six-year-old but decided to answer as honestly as she could. “Well,” she said hesitantly, “it’s called sexual intercourse.”
“Oh, okay,” said the boy and he ran outside to carry on playing with his friends.
A few minutes later, he came back in and said angrily: “Grandma, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom would like a word with you!”
Cheers, RickO
Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time....
"Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?"
A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."
Cheers, RickO
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skill, he had decided to call it a day.Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,
"BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL".
Cheers, RickO
I posted this in another thread but it will work here too.
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble
with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry,
what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My
sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms.. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy
a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She
agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9..'
Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, '
I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him
some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that
I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a
question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps
into?'
Harry:
'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes
out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he
could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a
woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that
means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry:
'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last
seven questions wrong...'
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Here's the rest of the story:
The armless man was replaced by his also armless twin brother who desperately wanted the job. Unfortunately, he suffered the same fate as his twin brother.
When asked to identify the victim, the Bishop said, "I don't know his name, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
Louis Armstrong
Someday way in the future and in land far away a 1943 Walking Liberty Half Dollar is gonna auction for $120,000
There probably won't even be a United States of America by then,
"To Be Esteemed Be Useful" - 1792 Birch Cent --- "I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin
The lawyer was cross-examining a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he began, “that you were given $5,000 to throw this case?”
The witness did not answer. Instead, he just stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question.
The attorney repeated himself, again getting the same reaction, the same no response.
Finally, the judge spoke to the witness, “Please answer the question.”
“Oh,” said the startled witness, “I'm sorry your honor. I thought he was talking to you.
Remember this type of collecting ?
It's back, and easer to pack.
Hey, you forgot one.
Pete
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Dave
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Dave
Coinsof1984@martinb6830 on twitter
Wow! Did you hit the lottery, get a big inheritance or something!
Bruce
Always some kind of roadblock at our fishing hole.
Snagged again.
"I just want to play with my dog". Tired of fishing.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
@1630Boston, I sure would like to see the after photo.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...