The forum needs a little humor.

The summer of 2020 bikini

How To Install A Home Security System.....

Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
Leave a note on your door that reads:
'Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Rocky, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
'Cooter'

Murder at Costco

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.
The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eye s and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Costco'

https://youtu.be/Qe9VOac_rTQ

A man being tried for murder happens to know one of the jurors. Before jury deliberation, the man finds a way to contact his friend and emphatically demands that he vote for life in prison with the possibility of parole. The friend agrees.
The jury deliberates for a week and returns a verdict of guilty with life imprisonment. The convicted man phones his friend and asks why it took so long for the verdict.
His friend says, 'It took me a long time to convince the other jurors for life imprisonment.'
'Why is that?'
'Because they wanted to acquit you!'