Senior citizens are the nation’s leading carriers of AIDS!
Hearing aids
Band aids
Roll aids
Walking aids
Medical aids
Government aids
Most of all, monetary aid to their kids
Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER: What kind of bike is she riding?
Husband: She took my bike
OFFICER: What kind of bike was it?
Husband: A 2020, manufactured September 16th, pearl white custom built hardcore titanium sklar hardtail .with 64.5° HeadTube angle, and a reach of 490... Shimano XTR m9100 drive train,12 speed ,10 -51 cassette, hope tech 3 E4 brakes with hope floating rotors, fox transfer factory dropper post with wolf-tooth lever, race Face atlas stem and the race Face atlas 35 riser bar w/800mm, DMR death grip, ergon SM enduro saddle, Crankbrothers synthesis E11 carbon 27.5 wheel set with maxxis DHF 2.6 tire in front and maxxis recon 2.6 in the rear. Industry 9 Hydra classic CL hubs, and race Face Chester pedals. A rockshox lyric RC2 150mm fork.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, it is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
An actor was down on his luck. He hadn't found a part in months and was getting quite depressed about it, even entertained the idea of jumping off his 6th floor balcony when the phone rang. It was his agent and they had a short speaking part that paid well, but he had to be at the theater in 30 minutes.
His only line was, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?"
So he took a quick shower and shave all the while repeating his line, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?"
As he drove to the theater, he again practiced his line over and over.
As he was dressing for the part and getting his makeup, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?
He was shown where to stand, the curtain pulled back so he was clearly visable to the audience and then there was a terrific loud KABOOM!
"Geez, what the hell was that?" screamed the actor.
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, 'I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, 'I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy.
And Cat . . .didn't give a flip one way or the other.
Women who carry a little extra weight live considerably longer than men who mention it to them.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
I loved the smell. It meant I got a lot of bad guys.
Ahhh, cap guns. What kids are missing these days.
T
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Can't post his picture on FB for fear of being terrorized by PETA.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
At Fort Drum I walk into the head to take a leak. At the urinal next to me happens to be an Army Captain. He finishes what he's doing and goes to the sink. I finish and head straight for the door. Captain yells at me " Hey Marine in the Army they teach us to wash our hands after going to the bathroom!!" My reply? " Sir in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands!!"
Comments
And you think you're having a bad day?
Make sure you've got the right loads!
FTFT
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
My kind of math
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Shooting down drones from your backyard
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Drone Shot Down/Shooter Arrested
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
AIDS Warning!!
Senior citizens are the nation’s leading carriers of AIDS!
Hearing aids
Band aids
Roll aids
Walking aids
Medical aids
Government aids
Most of all, monetary aid to their kids
love it, might have to go with the 3" over the 2 & 3/4 lol
Kennedys are my quest...
Snot nosed, or hanging boogie?
U.S. Type Set
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
POLICE REPORT for Missing Wife.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went mountain biking yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 25 and 35. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER: What kind of bike is she riding?
Husband: She took my bike
OFFICER: What kind of bike was it?
Husband: A 2020, manufactured September 16th, pearl white custom built hardcore titanium sklar hardtail .with 64.5° HeadTube angle, and a reach of 490... Shimano XTR m9100 drive train,12 speed ,10 -51 cassette, hope tech 3 E4 brakes with hope floating rotors, fox transfer factory dropper post with wolf-tooth lever, race Face atlas stem and the race Face atlas 35 riser bar w/800mm, DMR death grip, ergon SM enduro saddle, Crankbrothers synthesis E11 carbon 27.5 wheel set with maxxis DHF 2.6 tire in front and maxxis recon 2.6 in the rear. Industry 9 Hydra classic CL hubs, and race Face Chester pedals. A rockshox lyric RC2 150mm fork.
At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER: Take it easy sir, we’ll find your bike!
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
any thoughts @ricko ?
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Looks like the 1911 has stood the test of time.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Right on!
See 2nd tip, be a little more gay and a little more interesting...seriously?
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, it is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
>
Kennedys are my quest...
An actor was down on his luck. He hadn't found a part in months and was getting quite depressed about it, even entertained the idea of jumping off his 6th floor balcony when the phone rang. It was his agent and they had a short speaking part that paid well, but he had to be at the theater in 30 minutes.
His only line was, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?"
So he took a quick shower and shave all the while repeating his line, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?"
As he drove to the theater, he again practiced his line over and over.
As he was dressing for the part and getting his makeup, "Hark! Is that the sound of a cannon I hear?
He was shown where to stand, the curtain pulled back so he was clearly visable to the audience and then there was a terrific loud KABOOM!
"Geez, what the hell was that?" screamed the actor.
Louis Armstrong
Can't tell, It's a black and white photo.
Thumper ?
"You look a bit cheeky today"
.
"Beavis!"
Just Checking ...carry on, carry over, Harry Carrie...
Looks more Hari Kari
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, 'I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, 'I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased..
And Dog was happy.
And Cat . . .didn't give a flip one way or the other.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
U.S. Type Set
I loved the smell. It meant I got a lot of bad guys.
Women who carry a little extra weight live considerably longer than men who mention it to them.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Ahhh, cap guns. What kids are missing these days.
T
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Can't post his picture on FB for fear of being terrorized by PETA.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
And your toys were made in Japan, not China.
I sure remember cap pistols. I'm sure in many areas they've been banned.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
WHAT!!....Doesn't PETA mean People Eating Tasty Animals?
@Bruce7789
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I know what I'm getting my father in law for Christmas now.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Yankee Ingenuity at its finest
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
At Fort Drum I walk into the head to take a leak. At the urinal next to me happens to be an Army Captain. He finishes what he's doing and goes to the sink. I finish and head straight for the door. Captain yells at me " Hey Marine in the Army they teach us to wash our hands after going to the bathroom!!" My reply? " Sir in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands!!"
Then I had to explain to him what Army actually stood for.
Ain't
Ready to be a
Marine
Yet