A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
“Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing.”
“There’s a simple test you can run to see how bad the problem is: Start out 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the man’s wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the living room. In a normal tone, he asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?”
No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room and repeats, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no response. Next, he moves into the dining room. “Honey, what’s for supper?” No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again, there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for supper?”
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.“
Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha! He really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”
Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice in one day.
The Dark has to have a nightlight in Chuck Norris's room.
Chuck Norris can run around the block so fast he can kick himself in the butt.
Q: How much would a Chuck Norris "W" Quarter be worth? Just wondering.
@ricko said:
~ When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
~ I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
~ When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
~ It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
~ Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
~ That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
Cheers, RickO
Agree with most, but when I ask for directions PLEASE use words like "east" Things like "turn at the white house with green shutters" absolutely drive me nuts--especially after dark.
Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't love to look at a pretty bust.
@emeraldATV said:
If a water utility service merges with a sewer utility service, what is the end product?
Who knows, butt, I'm out of there, if that's my only choice.
Comments
U.S. Type Set
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Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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News headlines:
Girls Scouts accuse Boy Scouts of poaching members
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
Tis the Season?
Pete
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Off target?
Smitten with DBLCs.
SEEING HOW SOME PEOPLE WEAR THEIR MASKS, I NOW
I UNDERSTAND HOW CONTRACEPTIVES FAIL.
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
“Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing.”
“There’s a simple test you can run to see how bad the problem is: Start out 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the man’s wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the living room. In a normal tone, he asks, “Honey, what’s for supper?”
No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room and repeats, “Honey, what’s for supper?” Still no response. Next, he moves into the dining room. “Honey, what’s for supper?” No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. “Honey, what’s for supper?” Again, there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for supper?”
“For the fifth time, Harry, CHICKEN!”
Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, “So, you were at school today, right?”
Son: “Yeah.”
Detector: “Beep.“
Son: “OK, OK, I was at the movies.”
Detector: “Beep.”
Son: “Alright, I went for a beer with my friends.”
Father: “What?! At your age, I wouldn’t touch alcohol!“
Detector: “Beep.”
Mother laughs: “Ha! He really is your son!”
Detector: “Beep.”
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
Happy, humble, honored and proud recipient of the “You Suck” award 10/22/2014
here
Dave
That class room is GOLDEN...
Thanks, I needed that ... Some great laughs in, here.
Burp !
Actually, that's "right"....
Conjoined twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar
stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined
at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft
please."
The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellas?"
"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year,
rent a car, and drive for miles and miles, don't we, Jim?"
Jim nods. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the
history, the culture, and especially the beer"
"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and
Molson's beer, that's for us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English
people, they're so arrogant and rude."
"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.
John replies: "Gives Jim a chance to drive."
U.S. Type Set
Masculinity
Don't shoot 'til you see the whites of their eyes...
Is that supposed to be a yolk?
~ When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
~ I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
~ When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
~ It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
~ Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
~ That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice in one day.
The Dark has to have a nightlight in Chuck Norris's room.
Chuck Norris can run around the block so fast he can kick himself in the butt.
Q: How much would a Chuck Norris "W" Quarter be worth? Just wondering.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Agree with most, but when I ask for directions PLEASE use words like "east" Things like "turn at the white house with green shutters" absolutely drive me nuts--especially after dark.
....
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
When she's seen it for the thousandth time...
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
And running through her head is, "How the hell do I get out of here?"
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
If a water utility service merges with a sewer utility service, what is the end product?
Who knows, butt, I'm out of there, if that's my only choice.
I'd be outta there too @emeraldATV
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
Remember, at 12:01 on Jan 1, for the first time ever, hindsight will be 2020.
did you spell but, butt for any specific reason?
AFAF
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
Ones a little heavier and ones a little lighter.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date