Walker Proof Digital Album Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
My wife woke me up this morning claiming I was cheating on her and with an older woman.
I’m like, no way honey what are you possibly talking about?
Well, while you were sleeping last night you kept talking about an older woman and said she was lustrous, full bodied and nearly flawless.
Well, how do you know she was older?
You kept calling her Ms. Sixty eight.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this on the radio…
I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
That reminds me of an old joke:
Once shortly after World War II, a former British fighter pilot was invited to give a lecture at an English ladies' high tea.
"...and there I was flying over the Channel, when suddenly two Fokkers attacked me out of a cloud bank and..."
At that point all the ladies either screamed or fainted, with some reproaching the lecturer for using such vile language. All a-fluster, the Chairwoman scurried to the front:
"Ladies, ladies! The Captain would never use such language in your presence! 'Fokker' refers to a type of German combat aircraft. Is that not correct, Captain?"
"Yes, indeed, madam. But these fokkers were Messerschmidtts!"
Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.
But there was a problem. An evil wizard had put a curse on the daughter so that everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what: Metal, Wood, Stone. Anything she touched
would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, the curse will be broken and she will be cured."
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition.
Any man who could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away, sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they turned to liquid. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something very hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!
The King was overjoyed!
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
I watched that Carson clip...paraphrasing a bit:
93 year old George Burns says he smokes 15 to 20 cigars a day.
Carson says, "Now George, hasn't your doctor said..."
Without missing a beat, Burns interrupts, "My doctor's dead!" Everyone LOLs
@asheland Your too nice! When I came up with that this morning I thought it was the funniest......
But it went over like a fat joke at an over-sized women's fashion show...
Anyway, reminds of the time years ago I was going into this bank to get a customers check cashed, they were always 10 to 12K and so I was always nervous if they would cash it or not, didn't have an account there yada yada yada.
So, I'm making small talk with the two teller ladies trying to play it cool. And while my teller is counting out the cash I noticed she was pregnant (or at least I thought, LOL). So I was like, when's the baby due?...........................
Defining silence......She stopped counting.....they looked at eachother then looked back at me.......
More silence........
I don't think she ever said anything, if she did I didn't hear it........
Never went back, lol.
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?”
“New Zealand, sir" the boy replied.
“Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, only prostitutes and rugby players live there.”
“Is that right?” replied the manager. “My wife is from New Zealand!”
"Really?” replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
@ifthevamzarockin said:
Dang @1630Boston I posted that one just one page ago.... go back at least 3 or 4 pages to recycle one.
Dang @ifthevamzarockin CHILL OUT this is a Humor Thread, not a whining thread, or who posted first......
No reason to call him out, he posted in great shape and jest - usually the one that calls someone out as you just did needs the biggest chill out, and admonishment. Just enjoy the thread and nip the whining.
@marcmoish said:
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?”
“New Zealand, sir" the boy replied.
“Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, only prostitutes and rugby players live there.”
“Is that right?” replied the manager. “My wife is from New Zealand!”
"Really?” replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
@marcmoish said:
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?”
“New Zealand, sir" the boy replied.
“Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, only prostitutes and rugby players live there.”
“Is that right?” replied the manager. “My wife is from New Zealand!”
"Really?” replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
Comments
Fellas, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pockets you better use them to call a tailor. Stay thirsty my friends......
My wife woke me up this morning claiming I was cheating on her and with an older woman.
I’m like, no way honey what are you possibly talking about?
Well, while you were sleeping last night you kept talking about an older woman and said she was lustrous, full bodied and nearly flawless.
Well, how do you know she was older?
You kept calling her Ms. Sixty eight.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”
Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park…” then the electric power goes out.
Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”
Thanks @YQQ
Nice video
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
U.S. Type Set
More applicable this week for sure
This is why cats murder birds!
peacockcoins
O’Hare Approach Control to a 747: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, Eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this on the radio…
I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”
That reminds me of an old joke:
Once shortly after World War II, a former British fighter pilot was invited to give a lecture at an English ladies' high tea.
"...and there I was flying over the Channel, when suddenly two Fokkers attacked me out of a cloud bank and..."
At that point all the ladies either screamed or fainted, with some reproaching the lecturer for using such vile language. All a-fluster, the Chairwoman scurried to the front:
"Ladies, ladies! The Captain would never use such language in your presence! 'Fokker' refers to a type of German combat aircraft. Is that not correct, Captain?"
"Yes, indeed, madam. But these fokkers were Messerschmidtts!"
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter.
But there was a problem. An evil wizard had put a curse on the daughter so that everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what: Metal, Wood, Stone. Anything she touched
would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King,
"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, the curse will be broken and she will be cured."
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition.
Any man who could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away, sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they turned to liquid. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something very hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!
The King was overjoyed!
Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants?
Answer below, scroll down
M&Ms of course!
Cheers, RickO
I watched that Carson clip...paraphrasing a bit:
93 year old George Burns says he smokes 15 to 20 cigars a day.
Carson says, "Now George, hasn't your doctor said..."
Without missing a beat, Burns interrupts, "My doctor's dead!" Everyone LOLs
How can you tell if the snake that bit you was poisonous?
If you die, he is poisonous.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Finally, proof!
Always knew deep down you love exotic colors, and mischievous tones
@asheland Your too nice! When I came up with that this morning I thought it was the funniest......
But it went over like a fat joke at an over-sized women's fashion show...
Anyway, reminds of the time years ago I was going into this bank to get a customers check cashed, they were always 10 to 12K and so I was always nervous if they would cash it or not, didn't have an account there yada yada yada.
So, I'm making small talk with the two teller ladies trying to play it cool. And while my teller is counting out the cash I noticed she was pregnant (or at least I thought, LOL). So I was like, when's the baby due?...........................
Defining silence......She stopped counting.....they looked at eachother then looked back at me.......
More silence........
I don't think she ever said anything, if she did I didn't hear it........
Never went back, lol.
That is one heck of a puzzle
Lafayette Grading Set
"Red looks good on you"
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Groot
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
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U.S. Type Set
Dang @1630Boston I posted that one just one page ago.... go back at least 3 or 4 pages to recycle one.
Dang @ifthevamzarockin CHILL OUT this is a Humor Thread, not a whining thread, or who posted first......
@habaraca I guess you didn't see the
at the end.
Next time I will use the big one.
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?”
“New Zealand, sir" the boy replied.
“Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, only prostitutes and rugby players live there.”
“Is that right?” replied the manager. “My wife is from New Zealand!”
"Really?” replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
No reason to call him out, he posted in great shape and jest - usually the one that calls someone out as you just did needs the biggest chill out, and admonishment. Just enjoy the thread and nip the whining.
Cheers, RickO
Over the next several days I'll be posting newspaper "headlines" that make you wonder about how many bricks shy of a load the editor is...
U.S. Type Set
I may have to give this little guy up for adoption.
All of a sudden he is attacking and trying to kill my garden gnomes.
do you think it might be under @1630Boston Kia post?
Kennedys are my quest...
@ifthevamzarockin you need call that pup "killer"
>
I choose not to share this with my wife!
Smitten with DBLCs.
Sorry, can’t resist, who did she play for?
Cheers, RickO
Sorry
I give full credit to @ifthevamzarockin for the kia
and full credit to my senility
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I'll take a break from this thread, it's hard to remember what has been posted since there have been 3,600+ posts/comments here.
boston
last one
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@1630Boston
"I give full credit to @ifthevamzarockin for the kia"
Don't give me credit I hijacked it from someone else, I don't know who gets credit.
"I'll take a break from this thread"
Now why would you want to do that? That's no fun!
OK @ifthevamzarockin
take this:
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So has anyone figured out what was in the bag?
@1630Boston
Dang! I'm glad you aren't mad at me, I was about ready to go hide in the doghouse.
None of your f—-ing business.