Today was not a good day. I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven't done in a few decades. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slow, but then we went a little faster before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop. Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned seventy-one).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs.
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a dang!
Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today."
Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great. Dad, I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
“It’s nothing," said the father "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived "Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
Nerves of Steel in THE VILLAGES
Florida woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol!
A Florida woman stops an alligator attack using only a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol. Here's another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed, senior woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. The alligator must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive."
"If I had not had my little Ruger .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The ‘gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was also an extra, big bonus!"
A Florida woman stops an alligator attack using only a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol. Here's another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed, senior woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. The alligator must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive."
"If I had not had my little Ruger .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The ‘gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was also an extra, big bonus!"
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve, and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies.
The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys and were threatening to go on strike.
The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon.
To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. “I can’t believe it! I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn’t even back yet! What am I going to do?”
Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
The angel said, “Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?”
And thus, the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
@CoinJunkie said:
I became addicted to Mad magazine around the age of 9. The movie satires were always great. Two that I remember off the top of my head were:
201 Minutes of Space Idiocy
On a Clear Day You Can See a Funny Girl Singing Hello Dolly Forever
(Maybe you had to be there )
The fold-in back page in each issue were also quite funny.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Voltaire: Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero.
Comments
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I've had smoked salmon that way more than once! 😮
?
And wants us to send money to Georgia.
Pour it on a bagel & cover it with cream cheese, onions, & capers!
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UGH, I'm at the emergency room.
Today was not a good day. I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven't done in a few decades. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slow, but then we went a little faster before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn't stop. Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Here's something to think about.
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned seventy-one).
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued Ribs.
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have lots of sex?'
'No,' I said.
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a dang!
Cheers, RickO
My Christmas tree this year.
Now that’s a Cheep Sandwich 🙈
Lafayette Grading Set
60 years together
Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "Important thing is we're all together today."
Son No. 2 arrived. "You and Mom look great. Dad, I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
“It’s nothing," said the father "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter arrived "Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they had finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.
Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and said, "WHAT? You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep," said the father, "Cheap ones, too."
Cheers, RickO
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Pete
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This is every 1-star Yelp review.
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Lafayette Grading Set
Nerves of Steel in THE VILLAGES Florida woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol! A Florida woman stops an alligator attack using only a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol. Here's another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed, senior woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. The alligator must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive." "If I had not had my little Ruger .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The ‘gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible, and his life insurance was also an extra, big bonus!"Was the gator story from the history channel 🙈
Lafayette Grading Set
(Indents removed for readability)
Thanks coinjunkie
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve, and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies.
The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys and were threatening to go on strike.
The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon.
To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
Santa was furious. “I can’t believe it! I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn’t even back yet! What am I going to do?”
Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
The angel said, “Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?”
And thus, the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
Sorry for posting this but I just saw it on eBay ...
Close your eyes before scrolling down
.
.
.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
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Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Flying saucer lands on Monticello:
Guy climbing Monticello steps:
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"MERRY CHRISTMAS"
my friend...La, La
Thanks for the warning @ErrorsOnCoins
gonna take me a while to forget that!
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I became addicted to Mad magazine around the age of 9. The movie satires were always great. Two that I remember off the top of my head were:
201 Minutes of Space Idiocy
On a Clear Day You Can See a Funny Girl Singing Hello Dolly Forever
(Maybe you had to be there
)
I liked Mad as a kid and later enjoyed National Lampoon, the least pc mag ever.
The fold-in back page in each issue were also quite funny.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Voltaire: Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero.
One of the books had college girls in it and I recognized one that I had went out with!
I suspect the letters sent to Penthouse were 99.9999+% pure (well.........., not so pure) fiction.