A guy goes to his lawyer and says, though he regrets it, he needs to divorce his wife.
The lawyer points out that "she's a fine women, wife and mother to their two kids, so what;s the problem?"
"Well, she's always taking in animals, we've got cats and dogs and rabbits in the house and now even a pony in our bedroom!"
The lawyer thought a minute before he asked, "She's really a fine women, can't you just open a window and try to grin and bear it."
The disgruntled hubby replies, "Open a window?" What, and leave all my pigeons out?"
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same"
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price....
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really
tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you
finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome. "Yes, I know boss and I am sorry and am working on it. "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. “Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.“ Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
“I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you
showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said
with a grin,"They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"
A couple of weeks ago, I played a round of golf with a new member who played right handed shot an even par 72.
We had fun during the round, so I asked him if he wanted to play next week.
He said: "Sure, but I might be fifteen minutes late."
The following week he shows up right on time, and sets up on the first tee this time playing left-handed – and again he shoots a 72.
I asked him if he wanted to play again next week.
He replied: "Sure but I might be fifteen minutes late ."
I then asked him - "How come sometimes you play right-handed and other times you play left-handed."
He said: "When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed and if she is on her right side, then I play right-handed."
I then ask; "So, what if she is lying flat on her back?"
"Well, that's when I'll be a fifteen minutes late!" he replied.
Actually, I'd be wishing for more ammo instead of guns at this point.... Getting hard to find and when you do find it, it's priced out of sight....Almost as hard to find as toilet paper was a few months ago....
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.
“Hello,” said the agent, “I’m looking for a man called Murphy.”
“Well you’re in luck,” said the farmer. “As it happens, there’s a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. In fact, my name is Murphy.”
“Aha,” thought the agent, “here’s my man.” So he whispered the secret code: “The sun is shining … the grass is growing … the cows are ready for milking.”
“Oh,” said the farmer, “you’re looking for Murphy the spy. He’s in the village over the other direction.”
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”
Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Morty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
There have been so many, it almost seems like I've seen this one before, so I apologize if this is a repeat.
A sailing ship was traveling through pirate infested waters. Suddenly a ship with the pirate flag waving attacked on the starboard side of the ship. The captain hollered to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The battle rages for some time, but the pirates were sent away defeated.
The first mate asked the captain, "Why did you ask for a red shirt sir?"
The captain replied, "If I'm wounded, the blood won't show as much and my men will fight harder if they think their leader isn't wounded."
The next morning the look out from the crows nest high above the ship hollered, "Pirates on the starboard side, pirates on the port side, we're surrounded!"
The Captain shouted to the first mate, "Bring me my brown pants!"
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
..........and the courts have refused to hear the case based on some procedural technicality.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. Linda has told me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. She's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then, I made the most difficult call of all to my Wife "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard. "Are you kidding me "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
"I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.' Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad,' says the man.. 'Same for me,' says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'
'Well, love' says the trucker, a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!' That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'Then what's with the emu?!?'
The trucker pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big rump and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
Comments
this could be a real good joke. BUT unfortunately, it is NOT:
https://forums.collectors.com/discussion/1048150/will-the-us-ever-follow-canada-to-where-pcgs-cannot-go#latest
Pete
A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad...
...for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency.
Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for?
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I wish I had one of those when I was in Kyrgyzstan. Wind chill in the winter to -39.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A guy goes to his lawyer and says, though he regrets it, he needs to divorce his wife.
The lawyer points out that "she's a fine women, wife and mother to their two kids, so what;s the problem?"
"Well, she's always taking in animals, we've got cats and dogs and rabbits in the house and now even a pony in our bedroom!"
The lawyer thought a minute before he asked, "She's really a fine women, can't you just open a window and try to grin and bear it."
The disgruntled hubby replies, "Open a window?" What, and leave all my pigeons out?"
Louis Armstrong
You know you’re getting old when you start repeating the same joke. But you still have a captive audience so...
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona . They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same"
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida . They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price....
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Who knew that a place called "Karen's Kollectibles" would have such great numismatic rarities?
https://www.ebay.com/itm/1971-S-1-Eisenhower-Silver-Dollar-Proof-PCGS-incased/154239199743?hash=item23e95f69ff:g:lcgAAOSwTB1f09eU
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really
tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you
finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome. "Yes, I know boss and I am sorry and am working on it. "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. “Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.“ Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
“I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you
showed up in the morning late so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said
with a grin,"They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"
Cheers, RickO
I don't know if you guys have heard or not but dermatologists have finally found the leading cause of dry skin.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Towels
A couple of weeks ago, I played a round of golf with a new member who played right handed shot an even par 72.
We had fun during the round, so I asked him if he wanted to play next week.
He said: "Sure, but I might be fifteen minutes late."
The following week he shows up right on time, and sets up on the first tee this time playing left-handed – and again he shoots a 72.
I asked him if he wanted to play again next week.
He replied: "Sure but I might be fifteen minutes late ."
I then asked him - "How come sometimes you play right-handed and other times you play left-handed."
He said: "When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed and if she is on her right side, then I play right-handed."
I then ask; "So, what if she is lying flat on her back?"
"Well, that's when I'll be a fifteen minutes late!" he replied.
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Actually, I'd be wishing for more ammo instead of guns at this point.... Getting hard to find and when you do find it, it's priced out of sight....Almost as hard to find as toilet paper was a few months ago....
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a farmer.
“Hello,” said the agent, “I’m looking for a man called Murphy.”
“Well you’re in luck,” said the farmer. “As it happens, there’s a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. In fact, my name is Murphy.”
“Aha,” thought the agent, “here’s my man.” So he whispered the secret code: “The sun is shining … the grass is growing … the cows are ready for milking.”
“Oh,” said the farmer, “you’re looking for Murphy the spy. He’s in the village over the other direction.”
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?”
Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Morty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
TRIUMPH motorcycle to sissy scooter, sad indeed.
Pete
There have been so many, it almost seems like I've seen this one before, so I apologize if this is a repeat.
A sailing ship was traveling through pirate infested waters. Suddenly a ship with the pirate flag waving attacked on the starboard side of the ship. The captain hollered to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The battle rages for some time, but the pirates were sent away defeated.
The first mate asked the captain, "Why did you ask for a red shirt sir?"
The captain replied, "If I'm wounded, the blood won't show as much and my men will fight harder if they think their leader isn't wounded."
The next morning the look out from the crows nest high above the ship hollered, "Pirates on the starboard side, pirates on the port side, we're surrounded!"
The Captain shouted to the first mate, "Bring me my brown pants!"
Louis Armstrong
Someone figured out that cigarettes are bad for you?
Smitten with DBLCs.
Funny but true!
I am rapidly approaching 4).
😆
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Football news:
Navy loses to Army 0-15.
Navy sues.
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
..........and the courts have refused to hear the case based on some procedural technicality.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. Linda has told me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. She's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized she was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then, I made the most difficult call of all to my Wife "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard. "Are you kidding me "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
"I will; just as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Welcome to the golden years...
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
An Aussie trucker walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The trucker says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.' Again the trucker reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad,' says the man.. 'Same for me,' says the emu. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'
'Well, love' says the trucker, a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!' That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'Then what's with the emu?!?'
The trucker pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big rump and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
Louis Armstrong