This is a sad story of depression as we near the holidays.
Marcel was sick and tired of the world, of COVID-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, the election, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. (Sound familiar?)
Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and hit the car’s ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car.
A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
The actual quote from the Bible is "The love of money is the root of all evil."
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
A guy hears a knock at his door
“Who is it?” the guy yells.
“It’s the cops, we just want to talk.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Two of us!”
“Then talk among yourselves.”
@marcmoish said:
A guy hears a knock at his door
“Who is it?” the guy yells.
“It’s the cops, we just want to talk.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Two of us!”
“Then talk among yourselves.”
"Sir, we're the Grammar Police, it's amongst, and you're under arrest!"
@marcmoish said:
A guy hears a knock at his door
“Who is it?” the guy yells.
“It’s the cops, we just want to talk.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Two of us!”
“Then talk among yourselves.”
"Sir, we're the Grammar Police, it's amongst, and you're under arrest!"
If you're going to be the grammar policy, do it right. If there are only two it should be "talk between yourselves." Amongst would be for 3 or more. Nothing worse than bad grammar police.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
When butchers sold live poultry, a woman entered the shop looking for a turkey.
The butcher reached under the counter and pulled out the only turkey he had left, plopping the confused creature up on the counter.
When the customer indicated that the offered bird wasn’t big enough, the proprietor put it back under the counter, fluffed up its feathers and straightened them out, and returned it to the counter saying, “How about this one?”
“That one looks great” the customer replied, “In fact, I’ll take them both!”
A man approaches a very attractive women at the bar and after some small talk, he asked her if she would sleep with him for 1 million dollars? Without hesitation she said yes... Then he said, well would you sleep with me for 500 hundred dollars? Insulted the women says, well just what do you think I am? The man said, well I think we've already established what you are, now we're just negotiating the price.
Comments
Pete
Pete
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it
I had amnesia once---or twice
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off
Is it me --or do Buffalo Wings taste like chicken?
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
Golf humor.... Cheers, RickO
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
This is a sad story of depression as we near the holidays.
Marcel was sick and tired of the world, of COVID-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, the election, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines. (Sound familiar?)
Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and hit the car’s ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car.
A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
Back in the 1980’s, Mitzi Feingold, an aging lady with a Yiddish accent, called her travel agent.
“I want go to India and see de guru.”
“Mitzi, not India! It’s crowded, hot, and too difficult for a lady alone.”
“I want go to India and see de guru.”
“What will you eat? The food is too spicy. You can’t drink the water. You’ll get typhoid, malaria… Why torture yourself?”
“I want go to India and see de guru.”
The agent shakes his head, and makes the arrangements.
Mitzi arrives in India. Undeterred by the crowds, she makes her way to the ashram.
She joins an enormous line of people waiting to see the guru. His assistant tells her that it will take at least three days to reach the guru.
“Dat’s OK.”
Eventually she reaches the the golden door. The aide tells her firmly, “You can only say three words.”
“Dat’s OK.”
She is ushered into the inner sanctum. The wise guru is seated, bestowing spiritual blessings on the
“Dat’s OK.”
She is ushered into the inner sanctum. The wise guru is seated, bestowing spiritual blessings on the eager visitors ahead of Mitzi.
Just before she reaches him, the aide reminds her, “Remember, only three words.”
She reaches the guru, looks him straight in the eye, and says: “Hershel, come home.”
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
This?
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
The actual quote from the Bible is "The love of money is the root of all evil."
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
I know Perryhall wore these:
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A guy hears a knock at his door
“Who is it?” the guy yells.
“It’s the cops, we just want to talk.”
“How many of you are there?”
“Two of us!”
“Then talk among yourselves.”
"Sir, we're the Grammar Police, it's amongst, and you're under arrest!"
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
If you're going to be the grammar policy, do it right. If there are only two it should be "talk between yourselves." Amongst would be for 3 or more. Nothing worse than bad grammar police.
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Double that and put people leaving me money in their will.
Where's Keith Richards or is he off the chart?
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
Come on. We all know Keith Richards has been dead for years already.
Lafayette Grading Set
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
When butchers sold live poultry, a woman entered the shop looking for a turkey.
The butcher reached under the counter and pulled out the only turkey he had left, plopping the confused creature up on the counter.
When the customer indicated that the offered bird wasn’t big enough, the proprietor put it back under the counter, fluffed up its feathers and straightened them out, and returned it to the counter saying, “How about this one?”
“That one looks great” the customer replied, “In fact, I’ll take them both!”
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A man approaches a very attractive women at the bar and after some small talk, he asked her if she would sleep with him for 1 million dollars? Without hesitation she said yes... Then he said, well would you sleep with me for 500 hundred dollars? Insulted the women says, well just what do you think I am? The man said, well I think we've already established what you are, now we're just negotiating the price.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 8:00 pm is the new midnight.
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
My son called me last night and as we were lamenting about this kind of shi__y year, he stopped and exclaimed,
"But Dad, we can not let 2020 end!"
Taken aback, I said "What?!"
"We just can't let it end Dad", he continued.
"If we do, we have to admit that 2021."
“We are only their care-takers,” he posed, “if we take good care of them, then centuries from now they may still be here … ”
Todd - BHNC #242
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO