Blond is sitting on the bar sipping a drink. Bartender strikes a conversation with her about family and life in general.
she says: I have been wondering for some time now if my brother is ok in his mind.
He often talks about his 4 sisters. But, how come he has 4 sisters and I have only 3 ?
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
@1630Boston said:
A man enters a bank and asks for a loan of $2,000 for a trip to Europe. The loan officer asks for collateral, so the man points to his Rolls Royce parked outside. The bank takes the keys to the car and parks it in its underground parking lot. The man returns from his vacation and repays the $2,000, plus a minimal amount of interest (less than $20). The loan officer says, “Sir, while you were away we found that you’re a millionaire. Why did you need to borrow such a small sum of money?” The man replies, “I didn’t. Where else in New York City can I park my Rolls Royce for two weeks for less than $20?”
That's not even just a good joke. That's just good life advice. When you can do business in such a way that externalities perceived as liabilities become realized as assets, that is how smart people make lots of money. Especially if you can get other people to go along with it.
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it.
So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips.
She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed instantly. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
@YQQ said:
Blond is sitting on the bar sipping a drink. Bartender strikes a conversation with her about family and life in general.
she says: I have been wondering for some time now if my brother is ok in his mind.
He often talks about his 4 sisters. But, how come he has 4 sisters and I have only 3 ?
I once made my sister cry when I convinced her that she couldn't be my real sister because she had a brother and a sister while I had two sisters.
Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't love to look at a pretty bust.
Found this poor guy eating a dead deer on side of road. He has no collar and he's a little snippy. Barely got him in my car.
Please share this so we can find his owners!
Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 40th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. A very handsome Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But Madam, I didn't sleep with you"
Well I was here and you could have!
Thank you guys! I really thought I was watching and missed it. I tried not to repeat anything. I know you all were funning with me! 🙂 guess I need to go back, no telling what else I may have missed. 😋
Mrs. Goldberg hasn’t been feeling well, so she goes to the doctor. He listens to her extensive list of concerns, performs the examination, and returns with three bottles of pills.
“When you wake up, please take 3 green pills with a big glass of water. Then take 4 blue pills with a big glass of water before lunch, and then 2 more blue pills with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take 5 red pills with another big glass of water.”
“That’s a lot of pills! Doctor, be honest with me. What exactly is my diagnosis?”
@bearcave said:
Thank you guys! I really thought I was watching and missed it. I tried not to repeat anything. I know you all were funning with me! 🙂 guess I need to go back, no telling what else I may have missed. 😋
marcmoish has a thing about people repeating his posts. This is like the fifth time he's called someone out on this meaningless act.
@bearcave said:
Thank you guys! I really thought I was watching and missed it. I tried not to repeat anything. I know you all were funning with me! 🙂 guess I need to go back, no telling what else I may have missed. 😋
marcmoish has a thing about people repeating his posts.
Funny thing is he has copied a number of mine.
Everyone accidentally copies someone else's.
Only marcmoish gets his undies in a bunch.
I don't copy anyone else's. My humor is too twisted.
@bearcave said:
Thank you guys! I really thought I was watching and missed it. I tried not to repeat anything. I know you all were funning with me! 🙂 guess I need to go back, no telling what else I may have missed. 😋
marcmoish has a thing about people repeating his posts. This is like the fifth time he's called someone out on this meaningless act.
Funny thing is he has copied a number of mine.
Everyone accidentally copies someone else's.
Only marcmoish gets his undies in a bunch.
No way, its not mine anyhow, seriously, go back and check.
Gosh hammer1 just relax i was seriously funning with bearcave.
And truth be told its just unfair to talk about my undies on a public forum.
This thread is so long, it's not worth the time to check to make sure that you're posting something original. If I think the post is funny, I give it a lol. If I remember seeing the joke in a previous post, I skip the lol. No big deal.
I'm not sure why anybody would care if your post is reposted. Once it gets buried, very few people are going to see it, so its not like their stealing your lols (lol)
Here's a pic of my cat trying to attribute some German notgeld an she's upset because she realized the book isn't in English.
Comments
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
The way you can tell who loves you more, your dog or your wife:
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it up, and see who's happier to see you.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Hmmmm..... Thanks for the tip!
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Cheers, RickO
Don't pi$$ off old people:
The older we get, the less "Life in Prison" is a deterrent.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Time for a meeting.
Actual trial transcript:
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Pete
Actual Trial Transcripts:
Q. Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact.
A. Immediately prior to impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg.
This one was during an exchange with a child witness:
Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral, OK?
A. Oral.
Q. How old are you, Gary?
A. Oral.
Q. James stood back and shot Tommy Lee?
A. Yes.
Q. And then Tommy Lee pulled out his gun and shot James in the fracas?
A. (After a hesitation) No, sir. Just above it.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
Blond is sitting on the bar sipping a drink. Bartender strikes a conversation with her about family and life in general.
she says: I have been wondering for some time now if my brother is ok in his mind.
He often talks about his 4 sisters. But, how come he has 4 sisters and I have only 3 ?
Pete
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
That's not even just a good joke. That's just good life advice. When you can do business in such a way that externalities perceived as liabilities become realized as assets, that is how smart people make lots of money. Especially if you can get other people to go along with it.
Pete
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Dave
Snorting Quack.
Pete
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it.
So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips.
She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed instantly. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?” she asks.
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Don't piss off old people, the older we get "Life in Prison" is Less of a detterent!
I once made my sister cry when I convinced her that she couldn't be my real sister because she had a brother and a sister while I had two sisters.
Found this poor guy eating a dead deer on side of road. He has no collar and he's a little snippy. Barely got him in my car.
Please share this so we can find his owners!
Not many people are named Lance these days.
But in the Middle Ages people were named Lance a lot.
you pissing off the guy that posted this just a mere few days ago..watch your back BC
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
Besides, I ripped the joke off from a T-shirt ad, anyway.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
I didn't see it on here, and I thought I watched pretty close. LOL sorry! I thought it was funny!
Bearcave's the thread's biggest fan. I'll bet he's given out a thousand LOLs so far.
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
That's a fact!
I just had a feeble attempt at humor, no way was I criticizing @bearcave, my funny fell flat.
Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 40th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. A very handsome Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But Madam, I didn't sleep with you"
Well I was here and you could have!
Thank you guys! I really thought I was watching and missed it. I tried not to repeat anything. I know you all were funning with me! 🙂 guess I need to go back, no telling what else I may have missed. 😋
Seems fitting. My inbox is waiting...
Mrs. Goldberg hasn’t been feeling well, so she goes to the doctor. He listens to her extensive list of concerns, performs the examination, and returns with three bottles of pills.
“When you wake up, please take 3 green pills with a big glass of water. Then take 4 blue pills with a big glass of water before lunch, and then 2 more blue pills with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take 5 red pills with another big glass of water.”
“That’s a lot of pills! Doctor, be honest with me. What exactly is my diagnosis?”
“You don’t drink enough water.”
marcmoish has a thing about people repeating his posts. This is like the fifth time he's called someone out on this meaningless act.
Funny thing is he has copied a number of mine.
Everyone accidentally copies someone else's.
Only marcmoish gets his undies in a bunch.
I don't copy anyone else's. My humor is too twisted.
This, of course, is a classic of all time:
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
No way, its not mine anyhow, seriously, go back and check.
Gosh hammer1 just relax i was seriously funning with bearcave.
And truth be told its just unfair to talk about my undies on a public forum.
Regarding repeated posts: Who cares.
This thread is so long, it's not worth the time to check to make sure that you're posting something original. If I think the post is funny, I give it a lol. If I remember seeing the joke in a previous post, I skip the lol. No big deal.
I'm not sure why anybody would care if your post is reposted. Once it gets buried, very few people are going to see it, so its not like their stealing your lols (lol)
Here's a pic of my cat trying to attribute some German notgeld an she's upset because she realized the book isn't in English.
Lafayette Grading Set
Alien tomato from our garden
Lafayette Grading Set