A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and lack of a bath!”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I'll be damned,” then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
“I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
From the US Internal Revenue Service 2021 Form 1040-V:
No checks of $100 million or more accepted. The IRS can’t accept a single check (including a cashier’s check) for amounts of $100,000,000 ($100 million) or more. If you are sending $100 million or more by check, you will need to spread the payments over two or more checks, with each check made out for an amount less than $100 million.
A salesman at a furniture store told me he has a couch that can
seat five people without any problems. Then it occurred to me... I
don't even know five people without any problems.
I don't see well enough to shop online, so I just drive to the store
instead.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A lady asked me to
check her balance... so I pushed her.
A woman's anger is like an engine check light: There's no way to
know why it came on. All you can do is ignore it, and hope it just
goes away.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low. I used to have some
immunity built up, but there's obviously a new strain out there.
Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think
"That can't be accurate."
I put my bathroom scale in the corner the other day, and that's
where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
Signage:
In a safari park: Elephants, Please stay in your car
At a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know
it, there is daycare on the 1st floor
In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for
free, but the bull charges
In a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get
lessons
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything! (Please knock hard
on the door. The bell doesn't work.)
@WillieBoyd2 said:
From the US Internal Revenue Service 2021 Form 1040-V:
No checks of $100 million or more accepted. The IRS can’t accept a single check (including a cashier’s check) for amounts of $100,000,000 ($100 million) or more. If you are sending $100 million or more by check, you will need to spread the payments over two or more checks, with each check made out for an amount less than $100 million.
Thanks for posting that, I was just about to mail my return with one check
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
I hate aluminum knocks. Stick 2 wood.
I'll show them ugly...CANNON BALL !
Splash....Riley look.
It's our National Treasure.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”
The priest replies, “My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes, and lack of a bath!”
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I'll be damned,” then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
“I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
The drunk answered, “I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”
From the US Internal Revenue Service 2021 Form 1040-V:
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A salesman at a furniture store told me he has a couch that can
seat five people without any problems. Then it occurred to me... I
don't even know five people without any problems.
I don't see well enough to shop online, so I just drive to the store
instead.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A lady asked me to
check her balance... so I pushed her.
A woman's anger is like an engine check light: There's no way to
know why it came on. All you can do is ignore it, and hope it just
goes away.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low. I used to have some
immunity built up, but there's obviously a new strain out there.
Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think
"That can't be accurate."
I put my bathroom scale in the corner the other day, and that's
where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
Signage:
In a safari park: Elephants, Please stay in your car
At a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know
it, there is daycare on the 1st floor
In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for
free, but the bull charges
In a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get
lessons
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything! (Please knock hard
on the door. The bell doesn't work.)
Thanks for posting that, I was just about to mail my return with one check
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
If you remember this, you've collected social security for a long time.
if you like squirrels and obstacle courses, you just hit paydirt!!! (in case there is actually anyone here left that HASN"T seen 1.0 or 2.0)
now THIS is my idea of Nudies
watch at your own risk...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
here is an amazing type of anteater that i thought i had never seen before but it is somehow seems simultaneously familiar.
if you laugh so hard you blow snot bubbles, i take no credit...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members