An 82-year-old woman was living by herself in one of the New York boroughs. One night, she heard someone start hammering on the front door.
Her bedroom was at the top of the stairs; she looked down and saw a man kick open her door. What do you do? You're 82 years old; this man's about to steal everything you have. She just started crying out, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." The man froze then got down on the floor, spread his arms and stayed there until she called the police, and the police came and arrested him.
Now get this, the verse just says to repent and believe in Jesus. This guy was laying on the ground because the 82-year-old woman kept saying, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." Here's what's great: The cops started laughing, and they asked the guy, "This is an 82-year-old woman. Why did you wait for us to come?"
He told them, "Listen, if you knew a lady had an ax and two 38s, you would have waited too."
It is with the saddest heart, here in the holidays, that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died two days ago of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 56.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough, and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart (born in 1964).
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie", wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car - NOW!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing! He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Comments
An 82-year-old woman was living by herself in one of the New York boroughs. One night, she heard someone start hammering on the front door.
Her bedroom was at the top of the stairs; she looked down and saw a man kick open her door. What do you do? You're 82 years old; this man's about to steal everything you have. She just started crying out, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." The man froze then got down on the floor, spread his arms and stayed there until she called the police, and the police came and arrested him.
Now get this, the verse just says to repent and believe in Jesus. This guy was laying on the ground because the 82-year-old woman kept saying, "Acts 2:38, Acts 2:38." Here's what's great: The cops started laughing, and they asked the guy, "This is an 82-year-old woman. Why did you wait for us to come?"
He told them, "Listen, if you knew a lady had an ax and two 38s, you would have waited too."
Anyone ever get a fortune like this?
I feel like I got robbed!
Spam in a fortune cookie!
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
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Redneck Rainbeers
.
.
Should have been made with
Santa's selfe shaving at the beach this summer. HO, HO, HO
Yes sir, that really tells the tail.
I gotta bow...I mean go.
Ahhhh, I want pancakes ?
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
It is with the saddest heart, here in the holidays, that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died two days ago of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 56.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough, and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart (born in 1964).
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie", wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
My Wife's Note To Santa
Christmas Around The World With My Wife Mary - 1st Stop Italy
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Cheers, RickO
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car - NOW!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing! He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
But I kinda relate - My wife has been telling me for 2 years she's gonna hem my pants and never does - I have to wear them eventually............
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cheers, RickO