Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.
Upon arrival, they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.
St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks during your first three months here.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, "The ducks?”
"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are thousands of ducks walking around the course, and if one gets hit, he quacks, then the one next to him quacks and soon they're all quacking to beat the band. It really breaks the tranquility, and if you hit one of the ducks, you'll be punished. Otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.”
Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere.
Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacks, the one next to it quacked and soon here was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, "Who hit the duck?” The guy who had done it admitted, "I did.” St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. “Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman.
He cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said; "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even play for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months, he still hadn't hit a duck.
St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months, and had with him a knock-out, gorgeous woman - the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled at the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and said aloud, "I wonder what I did to deserve this?
The woman responds, "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."
A couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “seniors' special” was 2 Eggs, Bacon, Hash Browns and Toast for $2.99...
“Sounds good” the wife said…“but I don't want the eggs..”
“Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte”…the waiter warned her.
“You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?”…the wife asked incredulously.
“YES!”… stated the waiter.
“I'll take the special then”…the wife said..
“Great…how do you want your eggs?“…the waiter asked.
“Raw and in the shell”…the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!…
Yes, was close to a soap suds bucket and a sponge.
I am slowly amassing large quantities of my favorite brand. If it doesn't eat, I will buy it now and store it. lol
Wayne
@emeraldATV said:
If a clown farts ?
Does it smell funny ?
No, but cannibals don't EAT clowns because they taste funny.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Comments
Cheers, RickO
Bonus joke. They call him Mr Schroedinger instead of Dr Schroedinger
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.
Upon arrival, they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.
St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule: Don't hit the ducks during your first three months here.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks, "The ducks?”
"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are thousands of ducks walking around the course, and if one gets hit, he quacks, then the one next to him quacks and soon they're all quacking to beat the band. It really breaks the tranquility, and if you hit one of the ducks, you'll be punished. Otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.”
Upon entering the course, the men noted that there were indeed large numbers of ducks everywhere.
Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit a duck. The duck quacks, the one next to it quacked and soon here was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asks, "Who hit the duck?” The guy who had done it admitted, "I did.” St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said. “Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman.
He cuffed the man's right hand to the homely woman's left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said; "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even play for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months, he still hadn't hit a duck.
St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months, and had with him a knock-out, gorgeous woman - the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled at the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a contented sigh and said aloud, "I wonder what I did to deserve this?
The woman responds, "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck."
You should have that cup as your avatar.
Look at you!!
A couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the “seniors' special” was 2 Eggs, Bacon, Hash Browns and Toast for $2.99...
“Sounds good” the wife said…“but I don't want the eggs..”
“Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte”…the waiter warned her.
“You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?”…the wife asked incredulously.
“YES!”… stated the waiter.
“I'll take the special then”…the wife said..
“Great…how do you want your eggs?“…the waiter asked.
“Raw and in the shell”…the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
WE'VE been around the block more than once!…
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
This is still hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
15,000.00?? 😮
Pretzel factoide. (If I may ?)
A staple for many yeasterners on the go, warm and soft as the salt starts the treadmill reaction.
So that's why they call it, "flipping the bird".
What ?
Pete
Pet owners, particularly those who have rescue pets... will chuckle at this one. Cheers, RickO
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cheers, RickO
Has to have been posted already, me thinks
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
My house. 😮
After we found some!!
wow. i thought i was the only one...
for those of you that went down the rabbit hole with me in the "giant enemy spider" vid,
"And if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to come a little further."
channel for posterity
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Yes, was close to a soap suds bucket and a sponge.
I am slowly amassing large quantities of my favorite brand. If it doesn't eat, I will buy it now and store it. lol
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
If a clown farts ?
Does it smell funny ?
No, but cannibals don't EAT clowns because they taste funny.
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.