A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for,"
said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you
food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the
sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would
bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by
the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
@ricko said:
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for,"
said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you
food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the
sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would
bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by
the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
That is the funniest joke I may have ever heard.Thank you Ricko.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived.
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.
But lawyers don’t lie.
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do Not lie.
So, he had an idea.
He sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children.
He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the real estate agent.
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, "How many children do you have?"
He answered, "12 children."
The agent asked, "Where are the others?"
The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their Mother."
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
His doctor walked in to his hospital room and said, "I have bad news and I have good news."
The patient replied, "O.K. Doc, give me the bad news first."
"I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate your feet."
The patient replied, "Wow Doc! That is bad news...so what's the good news?"
Doc: "The guy across the hall wants to buy your slippers."
<I know it's sick, just the only one to come to mind at the moment>
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…” He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy. “You won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man replied, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done!”
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
Comments
Seasonal....
Cheers, RickO
From the local senior men's club:
I NEVER use turn signals when driving! I feel it's nobody's business
where I'm going. So there!
I've seen people my age climbing mountains. But for me, just
getting one leg into my underwear without losing my balance is a
major accomplishment.
When you get to a certain age, the phrase "Friends with Benefits"
means having someone who can drive at night.
I fell down the stairs the other day. Trying not to get upset and,
instead, be positive, I thought, "That's the fastest I've moved in
years!"
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
My wife wanted a pet cat, and I wanted a pet penguin, so I got
her a miniature penguin cat .....
Cheers, RickO
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for,"
said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow.. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you
food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the
sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would
bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by
the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
That's just inflation. It was marked down to $4.55, but then they added the 25% inflation to the new low price.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Sad but true.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
**My wife informed me this morning that she had some good news
and some bad news ..... **
My wife is curious about alot of things - this is just one of them ....
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
My wife's blond moment last elctions ....
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
7> @logger7 said:
That's me!!!
That is the funniest joke I may have ever heard.Thank you Ricko.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived.
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.
But lawyers don’t lie.
He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do Not lie.
So, he had an idea.
He sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children.
He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the real estate agent.
He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, "How many children do you have?"
He answered, "12 children."
The agent asked, "Where are the others?"
The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their Mother."
And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.
Looking For My Wife - I Cannot find Her. She Was Last
Seen Posting On This Thread
WOW! This ghost costume really works....and I was never there... .
Hugh ? It's Liberty street, correct ?
I think I'm with Lady Ga Diva.
Canadians in July be like
My Wife's Words Of Wisdom
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Pete
His doctor walked in to his hospital room and said, "I have bad news and I have good news."
The patient replied, "O.K. Doc, give me the bad news first."
"I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate your feet."
The patient replied, "Wow Doc! That is bad news...so what's the good news?"
Doc: "The guy across the hall wants to buy your slippers."
<I know it's sick, just the only one to come to mind at the moment>
Louis Armstrong
My Wife Is Happy At Last
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Party time. The Morgan’s and Peace Dollars are coming!
🎶 shout shout, let it all out 🎶
My Wife Got The Best Of Me Again - She Is Wander Around This Thread Somewhere....
Thank you.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…” He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
“Come here quick,” said the boy. “You won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”
The man replied, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!” Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done!”
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
My Wife Took Advantage Of Me Again ....
Another Of My Wife's Blond Moments ....