After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August".
I wonder about this too.
Yesterday I was at a chain hardware store getting taken care of by the manager.
One of the employees asked the mgr something and he patiently said "Not right now. That needs to be done at 6:30."
The employee just stood there and looked lost.
The manager said "Was there something else you needed ?"
"Well, my phone is broken."
"I'm sorry but I am with a customer right now."
"But I don't know what time it is."
Mgr points to huge clock on wall.
"I can't read those things. And I told you my phone is broken."
Mgr and I exchange quick befuddled look.
Employee continues on : "I don't know. What hand is the TV hand?"
Mgr tells employee who is still looking at the clock with eyebrows furrowed and in deep thought : "The bigger one. The little one is the radio hand."
Then the employee finally walked off, still confused.
The manager was shaking his head and apologized for the constant interruptions by his employee.
I said that it was OK but he was wrong. Everyone should know that the little hand is the TV hand.
I still can't wrap my head around the "TV hand" remark.
WTF???????
I wonder about this too.
Yesterday I was at a chain hardware store getting taken care of by the manager.
One of the employees asked the mgr something and he patiently said "Not right now. That needs to be done at 6:30."
The employee just stood there and looked lost.
The manager said "Was there something else you needed ?"
"Well, my phone is broken."
"I'm sorry but I am with a customer right now."
"But I don't know what time it is."
Mgr points to huge clock on wall.
"I can't read those things. And I told you my phone is broken."
Mgr and I exchange quick befuddled look.
Employee continues on : "I don't know. What hand is the TV hand?"
Mgr tells employee who is still looking at the clock with eyebrows furrowed and in deep thought : "The bigger one. The little one is the radio hand."
Then the employee finally walked off, still confused.
The manager was shaking his head and apologized for the constant interruptions by his employee.
I said that it was OK but he was wrong. Everyone should know that the little hand is the TV hand.
I still can't wrap my head around the "TV hand" remark.
WTF???????
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP…clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP…
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
…and… of…course, …the coffin stops!
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"You crafty little bugger," replied the Fairy.
@SkyMan you better watch out. The informal moderator @WAYNEAS will tell you to take your post down because it's to "political". He did it to me for the same level of "pollical humor". My cartoon indicated **all **politicians had no brains.
Yet he has no problem posting jokes about little kids being eaten by a witch. Here's WAYNEAS post:
The correct word here is hypocrisy, and that's why I have him on ignore.
@Oldhoopster said:
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
I guess you don't like comedians.
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
@Oldhoopster said:
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
I guess you don't like comedians.
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Lawyer jokes, however...
Funny is funny regardless of political leanings. There’s enough stupidity being done behind closed doors and in public from all sides to make one laugh. Will Rogers was funny. He just used the government as a source for material.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
50/50 Law: Any time you have a 50/50 chance of being right, you will be wrong 70 percent of the time.
If married this goes up to 90 percent.
Just because I'm old doesn't mean I don't love to look at a pretty bust.
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death… We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
PCGS Rule #3 PCGS Forum Rules and Guidelines - Updated 4/19/2021
This is a community, as such, slightly off-topic threads are expected, however, topics such as politics **or other "taboo" subjects are not permitted. **Should the thread be deemed inflammatory, negative or violate any rules it will be deleted or closed at the moderator's discretion, without warning.
Hope you can understand why I asked and not told you to delete your post.
The humor forum is a great one.
If you feel that I erred in my request, please repost it.
Wayne
Comments
He got the job.
He got the job.
Amal and Juan were identical twins.
Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
This Is One Of My Wife's Fun Facts ....
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August".
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
U.S. Type Set
I wonder about this too.
Yesterday I was at a chain hardware store getting taken care of by the manager.
One of the employees asked the mgr something and he patiently said "Not right now. That needs to be done at 6:30."
The employee just stood there and looked lost.
The manager said "Was there something else you needed ?"
"Well, my phone is broken."
"I'm sorry but I am with a customer right now."
"But I don't know what time it is."
Mgr points to huge clock on wall.
"I can't read those things. And I told you my phone is broken."
Mgr and I exchange quick befuddled look.
Employee continues on : "I don't know. What hand is the TV hand?"
Mgr tells employee who is still looking at the clock with eyebrows furrowed and in deep thought : "The bigger one. The little one is the radio hand."
Then the employee finally walked off, still confused.
The manager was shaking his head and apologized for the constant interruptions by his employee.
I said that it was OK but he was wrong. Everyone should know that the little hand is the TV hand.
I still can't wrap my head around the "TV hand" remark.
WTF???????
Uhhhh, what is a TV hand? You mean the hour hand right?
I am guessing that is what he meant. But who knows????
This happened yesterday and I'm still chuckling/shaking my head about it.....
Sounds like someone needs a new employee.
My Wife Hung A New Sign Up In The Bathroom
Where is my glow die? I can't see a thang Chuckie.
Lets see ? BOOOOOOHHHAAAAGRRRRRRUUUGGH. Go away son ya bother me. LLLOLLL
Got Light ?
Miller, you think of everything.
Look it's that haunted tunnel ride. Hold your breath so the bats can't feel ya.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Sad but true. Hear about it in the news far too much.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP… BUMP… BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… BUMP… BUMP….
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP…clappity-BUMP… clappity-BUMP…
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything…
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin …
…and… of…course, …the coffin stops!
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"I wish to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the Fairy, "That is the only wish that I'm not allowed to grant.”
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!"
"You crafty little bugger," replied the Fairy.
U.S. Type Set
peacockcoins
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
@SkyMan you better watch out. The informal moderator @WAYNEAS will tell you to take your post down because it's to "political". He did it to me for the same level of "pollical humor". My cartoon indicated **all **politicians had no brains.
Yet he has no problem posting jokes about little kids being eaten by a witch. Here's WAYNEAS post:
The correct word here is hypocrisy, and that's why I have him on ignore.
I use a simple rule for political stuff.
If it makes fun of both sides, it's ok
If it only makes fun of one side, it's not
If you have to think about whether it's one sided or "stretch" the interpretation to make it bipartisan , then maybe you shouldn't post it
Just my thoughts on the subject
Concur.
The 2 jokes made fun of both sides.
The definition of irony:
peacockcoins
I guess you don't like comedians.
I Decided To Offer Limo Service To Make A Few Extra Bucks.
This Is My 1st Cheap Limo - A VW Stretch Limo
Au contraire
I love political humor, especially when it's making fun of the other side. But I only share it with family and friends that share my political ideology. A rough guess is the half the members here don't share my ideology, so why tick them off? While you should be able to laugh at your self, I think its best to stay neutral in today's climate
Lawyer jokes, however...
A FEW BASIC TRUTHS
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will
have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, or grocery checkout lines, the one you were in will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone
you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre: The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it
Funny is funny regardless of political leanings. There’s enough stupidity being done behind closed doors and in public from all sides to make one laugh. Will Rogers was funny. He just used the government as a source for material.
50/50 Law: Any time you have a 50/50 chance of being right, you will be wrong 70 percent of the time.
If married this goes up to 90 percent.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap -tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death… We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
My Wife Has Decided To Go Back To Daily Excercise
Cheers, RickO
That's just wrong RickO, Wrong!
My Wife Finally declared Her Party Affiliation
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
One Of My Wife's Fun Facts .....
PCGS Rule #3 PCGS Forum Rules and Guidelines - Updated 4/19/2021
This is a community, as such, slightly off-topic threads are expected, however, topics such as politics **or other "taboo" subjects are not permitted. **Should the thread be deemed inflammatory, negative or violate any rules it will be deleted or closed at the moderator's discretion, without warning.
Hope you can understand why I asked and not told you to delete your post.
The humor forum is a great one.
If you feel that I erred in my request, please repost it.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...