A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, “'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “Dude, I'm Steve, a retired airline pilot from Houston.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
“Just a minute,” exclaims the good father. “That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”
“Up here we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “When you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”
Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
This will be understood by those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1966: Long hair
2021: Longing for hair
1966: KEG
2021: EKG
1966: Acid rock
2021: Acid reflux
1966: Moving to California because it's cool
2021: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2021: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1966: Hoping for a BMW
2021: Hoping for a BM
1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2021: Receiving a new hip joint
1966: Rolling Stones
2021: Kidney Stones
1966: Screw the system
2021: Upgrade the system
1966: Disco
2021: Costco
1966: Passing the drivers' test
2021: Passing the vision test
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.
It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.
Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped.
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"
Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure.
He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?"
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Comments
Crazy stuff!!
I find this humorous, hope you do also.
Louis Armstrong
@Rollerman That is funny, just today I was telling my SS YN to hit to right field because that kid was definitely watching the dandelions grow
My YN in deep thought after making it to the championship.
Water skiing in the bay ?
Never got out of the bay .
I told him your gonna need a bigger vessel. What?
Your up next, mamm. Oh its you !
Twiggy ?
Don't catch fire like the other one.
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, “'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “Dude, I'm Steve, a retired airline pilot from Houston.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
“Just a minute,” exclaims the good father. “That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?”
“Up here we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “When you preached, people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”
A doctor asked an old lady who was hard of hearing, how long have you been bedridden? She answers well, about 20 years, not since my husband died.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
U.S. Type Set
WHY IS THIS TV ON ?
Cause it wants to be. 😮
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?
Cheers, RickO
Pete
@ricko Did you guys party in Deep Ellum that night?
This will be understood by those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1966: Long hair
2021: Longing for hair
1966: KEG
2021: EKG
1966: Acid rock
2021: Acid reflux
1966: Moving to California because it's cool
2021: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2021: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1966: Hoping for a BMW
2021: Hoping for a BM
1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2021: Receiving a new hip joint
1966: Rolling Stones
2021: Kidney Stones
1966: Screw the system
2021: Upgrade the system
1966: Disco
2021: Costco
1966: Passing the drivers' test
2021: Passing the vision test
1966: Whatever
2021: Depends
Cheers, RickO
Don't ask.
100% Positive BST transactions
@ricko, that one is great!
Good choice in shoes. New Balance comes in extra wide-6E.
This goes way back to about 4th grade...
Do you know what's inside a fire hydrant? H20
Do you know what's on the outside of a fire hydrant? K9P
Louis Armstrong
Mom, always said 6 ft back . And eat your vegetables, their good for your eye sight.
Now I'll just roll this parchment and ship it.
From : US
To : Whom it my concern.
That was a royal pain in the emoji.
The difference between boogers and vegetables is kids won't eat their vegetables.
USAF (Ret) The purpose of Bourbon is to make you feel like you should feel WITHOUT Bourbon. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
What did the us coins not like about the middle school dance?
The punch line.
U.S. Type Set
an everyday battle
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
I am about at this stage in life
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb, Ricko
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.
It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.
Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped.
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"
Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure.
He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?"
Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
Cheers, RickO
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Cheers, RickO