Fellers: How did you interpret this joke? My wife and I disagree. I thought it meant that the doctor was telling her that she had 10 then nine seconds to live. My wife says no. It means that the doctor is saying she has ten, then nine seconds left on this appointment. What do you say?
I'm at liberty to say your wife is dead wrong and you are not.
Fellers: How did you interpret this joke? My wife and I disagree. I thought it meant that the doctor was telling her that she had 10 then nine seconds to live. My wife says no. It means that the doctor is saying she has ten, then nine seconds left on this appointment. What do you say?
I hate this type of video. What the heck are they thinking? If they die, the city or building owners cannot be responsible. Which brings up the obvious. Have any of these guys died?
I have been told that several have. I searched for a video of a lady standing next to a cliff edge taking a selfie and she went over the edge backward.
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim answers, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
I saw this on facebook: Wife hollering at her husband in another room, "Did you just feel a pain in your chest like someone was poking a voodoo doll of you?" "Nope" was his reply. She then said, "How about now?"
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
@marcmoish said:
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim answers, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
I hate this type of video. What the heck are they thinking? If they die, the city or building owners cannot be responsible. Which brings up the obvious. Have any of these guys died?
Unfortunately many of these people have died. There was an article on it in a fairly well known news site some years ago. Many of the "performers" were from 3rd world countries or poor neighborhoods. Many were doing this so they'd get lots of "hits" on their YouTube pages, and then get revenue from that.
@Smudge said: @marcmoish said:
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim answers, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
I hate this type of video. What the heck are they thinking? If they die, the city or building owners cannot be responsible. Which brings up the obvious. Have any of these guys died?
Unfortunately many of these people have died. There was an article on it in a fairly well known news site some years ago. Many of the "performers" were from 3rd world countries or poor neighborhoods. Many were doing this so they'd get lots of "hits" on their YouTube pages, and then get revenue from that.
You have to admire them. No risk no reward. And...they have experienced something none of us will on the way down. I've read that drowning is a much more peaceful way to go.
I was in a very bad auto accident last year. I was virtually T-Boned at speed. I just walked away with some bruises. Everything slowed down, stuff was flying around after the airbag exploded and the car slowly rolled about 20 more feet and plowed down a light pole! I'd do it again (in a junker car) if the same result could be guaranteed. An E-ticket ride for sure. Much better than spinning off a track and not as terrifying as a roll-over would be.
These two old chums meet up after many years when one says to the other that he’s getting married for the 4th time. The other asks, “What happened the last 3 times?” The guy says, “They all died.” The other says, “Wow, how did they die?” The guy says, “Well, the 1st one died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 2nd one die?” The guy says, “She also died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 3rd one die?” “She died from falling out a 40-story window,” the guy says, “she wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
Everything! You would be amazed at all the stuff sent to the TPGS's at Christmas. I made sure to treat the front office at the ATS service special all year long so I would be among the first to have my pick of X-Mas stuff!
BTW, I'm no fool. Realizing how easy it would be to kill off a competitors' grading staff, I always let a few of my "special" associates sample my haul FIRST. Who needs a friend when they have me?
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.
The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day G-d calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
G-d is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."
G-d says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?”
-The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
-Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
-No meal is complete without leftovers.
-According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
-A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
-You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
-One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
-After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.
-Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
-Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
-Next year in Jerusalem. And the year after that, how about a nice cruise?
-Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
-Spring forward, fall back, winters in Boca.
-WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
-Always whisper the names of diseases.
-If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
-The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
-Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
-If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
-Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.
Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards:
-Under the same management for over 5763 years.
-Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
-What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
-Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
-Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."
-My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was
guilty.
-Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
-It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in
front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes, or no," she replied.
-An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into
bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...."
-A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it
only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who
have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his
name and forgot to write a letter.
-Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath
and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third
takes a deepbreath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our
children."
-And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"
Comments
From today's Washington Post
Smitten with DBLCs.
I'm at liberty to say your wife is dead wrong and you are not.
Let's just say the female is not always right.
I have been told that several have. I searched for a video of a lady standing next to a cliff edge taking a selfie and she went over the edge backward.
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim answers, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
I saw this on facebook: Wife hollering at her husband in another room, "Did you just feel a pain in your chest like someone was poking a voodoo doll of you?" "Nope" was his reply. She then said, "How about now?"
Louis Armstrong
Did this once, had a blast and don't even remember who was playing that day!
My Captain, my Captian
Seems cool to me, and somtimes down wright boring.
Checking my P's & Q's. as requested.
Got Milk !
Which one was the coin collector?
Unfortunately many of these people have died. There was an article on it in a fairly well known news site some years ago. Many of the "performers" were from 3rd world countries or poor neighborhoods. Many were doing this so they'd get lots of "hits" on their YouTube pages, and then get revenue from that.
U.S. Type Set
The one that wet his pants most likely. 😳
You have to admire them. No risk no reward. And...they have experienced something none of us will on the way down. I've read that drowning is a much more peaceful way to go.
I was in a very bad auto accident last year. I was virtually T-Boned at speed. I just walked away with some bruises. Everything slowed down, stuff was flying around after the airbag exploded and the car slowly rolled about 20 more feet and plowed down a light pole! I'd do it again (in a junker car) if the same result could be guaranteed. An E-ticket ride for sure. Much better than spinning off a track and not as terrifying as a roll-over would be.
Oh . . . . . .Ron B . . .
I just can't stop laughing . . . . . .
That has RUINED my Easter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunner
Posted by Eddiespin on another chatroom:
These two old chums meet up after many years when one says to the other that he’s getting married for the 4th time. The other asks, “What happened the last 3 times?” The guy says, “They all died.” The other says, “Wow, how did they die?” The guy says, “Well, the 1st one died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 2nd one die?” The guy says, “She also died from eating poisoned mushrooms.” “Oh my,” says the other, “how did the 3rd one die?” “She died from falling out a 40-story window,” the guy says, “she wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
Insider2, what do you like to eat?
RMR: 'Wer, wenn ich schriee, hörte mich denn aus der Engel Ordnungen?'
CJ: 'No one!' [Ain't no angels in the coin biz]
Everything! You would be amazed at all the stuff sent to the TPGS's at Christmas. I made sure to treat the front office at the ATS service special all year long so I would be among the first to have my pick of X-Mas stuff!
BTW, I'm no fool. Realizing how easy it would be to kill off a competitors' grading staff, I always let a few of my "special" associates sample my haul FIRST.
Who needs a friend when they have me? 
An ad in my email today.
Unforgettable Experiences Await On An Extraordinary Journey With (well known cruise line).
No thank you!
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
l
Never mind coins, the older I get, the more "ologists" I collect.
U.S. Type Set
Just once?
Wasn't that the name of the restaurant on threes company that Jack worked at? Been so long since I've watched that sit com.
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Regal Beagle? I believe thats where Jack worked at, been a long time since I seen the sitcom too.
Laughter is the best medicine. Our president should sign it into law.
Our congress would have to pass it first.
That was the bar the group went to,
I knew i had heard it on that show!
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
U.S. Type Set
For some reason I keep watching this over and over.
Her stopping to close the lid on the box saved her from something terrible. Incredibly lucky!
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
No. One identified as a Jellyfish.
That guy lost his money and probably some fingernails. It was her extremely lucky day.
Attention: Not all sports have been cancelled!
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
My daughter sent me this, knowing that B^^$ Sprouts are the most destistible food to me in the world.
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.
The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day G-d calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
G-d is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer?
That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."
G-d says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Things I didn’t Learn In Hebrew School:
-The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
-Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
-No meal is complete without leftovers.
-According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
-A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
-You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
-One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
-After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Loehmann's.
-Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
-Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
-Next year in Jerusalem. And the year after that, how about a nice cruise?
-Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
-Spring forward, fall back, winters in Boca.
-WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
-Always whisper the names of diseases.
-If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
-The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
-Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
-If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
-Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida.
Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards:
-Under the same management for over 5763 years.
-Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
-What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
-Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.
-Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University: "The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."
-My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. They sent her home. She insisted SHE was
guilty.
-Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
-It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in
front. "What are my choices?," Moshe asked. "Yes, or no," she replied.
-An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into
bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living...."
-A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it
only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who
have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his
name and forgot to write a letter.
-Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath
and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy." The third
takes a deepbreath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our
children."
-And one final favorite: A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything all right?"