I just got back from the jail to pick up a friend.
She got in her car after drinking and got about 4 miles from her house and realized she was too drunk to drive.
She called 911 to ask if the police could come and escort her back home because she couldn't find her way back.
They came and arrested her for DUI and impounded her car.
The police love it when you make their job easy and call 911 on yourself.
Thank you to the officers that keep our streets safe!
A few years back, I guy I worked with spent all night at a sports bar, driving home sideswiped some construction equipment at a road construction project. Got home, had another drink and decided to call the police to complain. They told him to come down and fill out an accident report. He did and got arrested.
At a movie theater, which armrest is yours?
If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
Why is there a 'd' in 'fridge' but not in 'refrigerator'?
Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
Is a gross of gross grouse a hundred and forty-four foul fowl?
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Why is there a 'd' in 'fridge' but not in 'refrigerator'?
Don't have any of the other answers, but might for this one. Early refrigerators were mostly the "Frigidaire" brand. People just shorten it by saying they were going to get something out of the "Fridge".
"Ain't None of Them play like him (Bix Beiderbecke) Yet." Louis Armstrong
A boy is invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend’s parent’s house so that they can meet him.
They’ve been together a while but haven’t had sex yet.
His girlfriend tells him that after he meets her parents they can “get intimate”. So in preparation, he decides to get some condoms at the local drugstore.
As this will be his first time, he doesn’t know anything about condoms and so he asks the pharmacist what he should buy.
The pharmacist explains all about the differences between the brands and after a long chat the boy decides on a large box of “ribbed for her pleasure”.
The time comes for the Thanksgiving dinner and the young couple are seated at the dinner table with the girl’s parents.
The girl is surprised to see the boy has his head bowed down apparently deep in prayer.
She whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”
He whispers back, “I didn’t know your father was a pharmacist.”
Comments
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
True story here.
I just got back from the jail to pick up a friend.
She got in her car after drinking and got about 4 miles from her house and realized she was too drunk to drive.
She called 911 to ask if the police could come and escort her back home because she couldn't find her way back.
They came and arrested her for DUI and impounded her car.
The police love it when you make their job easy and call 911 on yourself.
Thank you to the officers that keep our streets safe!
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The weather is a mite windy today
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A few years back, I guy I worked with spent all night at a sports bar, driving home sideswiped some construction equipment at a road construction project. Got home, had another drink and decided to call the police to complain. They told him to come down and fill out an accident report. He did and got arrested.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
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Um, 44 ?
Chris
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
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USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A shocking revelation on how to turn a swimming pool into a hot tub
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And that's how you make dead guy soup.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
You should be banned for posting this.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Unresolved Confusions
At a movie theater, which armrest is yours?
If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
Why is there a 'd' in 'fridge' but not in 'refrigerator'?
Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating
an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
When the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
How do they get deer to cross roads only at those yellow signs?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Is a gross of gross grouse a hundred and forty-four foul fowl?
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Don't have any of the other answers, but might for this one. Early refrigerators were mostly the "Frigidaire" brand. People just shorten it by saying they were going to get something out of the "Fridge".
Louis Armstrong
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
What, no beer?
The Mysterious Egyptian Magic Coin
Coins in Movies
Coins on Television
A boy is invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend’s parent’s house so that they can meet him.
They’ve been together a while but haven’t had sex yet.
His girlfriend tells him that after he meets her parents they can “get intimate”. So in preparation, he decides to get some condoms at the local drugstore.
As this will be his first time, he doesn’t know anything about condoms and so he asks the pharmacist what he should buy.
The pharmacist explains all about the differences between the brands and after a long chat the boy decides on a large box of “ribbed for her pleasure”.
The time comes for the Thanksgiving dinner and the young couple are seated at the dinner table with the girl’s parents.
The girl is surprised to see the boy has his head bowed down apparently deep in prayer.
She whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”
He whispers back, “I didn’t know your father was a pharmacist.”
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
If you want to save money this year on Christmas presents, talk politics at the Thanksgiving table.
Thats French for "can not spell".
(or "education failed me".)
What, no frickin' ziti?? (AJ Soprano)
a'ooooohhhh!!
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members