A couple were it court for their divorce hearing. After it was over the husband said to his ex-wife " The only good years we had were the tires on our car ".
There was a man driving down the road when he ran out of petrol. He went to the nearest house to ask for some fuel. As soon as he opened the door it started to pour so the guy asked to stay overnight. The owner said, "OK, but if you see a monster in the garage, whatever you do don't touch it."
So the man went up to the guest room but was too curious. He went down to the garage and saw the huge ugly monster. He decided to see what it would do if he threw a rock at it or made faces. He did both these but nothing happened.
So the man went and touched the monster. Up the monster jumped and chased the man all over the country. When the man got to a cliff he thought he was going to die, so he rolled up in a tiny ball.
Then the monster came over and touched the man and said, "You're it!"
My husband made me angry today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.
There is nothing special about tomorrow.
But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as the panic takes over.
The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous red haired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained some of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
I went fishing last weekend but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait!
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back; he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
For my last birthday I left hints for the wife by leaving coin magazines scattered about the house. Imagine my surprise when I unwrapped a magazine rack.
Comments
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A couple were it court for their divorce hearing. After it was over the husband said to his ex-wife " The only good years we had were the tires on our car ".
My Doctor told me I had "Reptile Dysfunction" - hopefully has pills for that.......
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Pete
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There was a man driving down the road when he ran out of petrol. He went to the nearest house to ask for some fuel. As soon as he opened the door it started to pour so the guy asked to stay overnight. The owner said, "OK, but if you see a monster in the garage, whatever you do don't touch it."
So the man went up to the guest room but was too curious. He went down to the garage and saw the huge ugly monster. He decided to see what it would do if he threw a rock at it or made faces. He did both these but nothing happened.
So the man went and touched the monster. Up the monster jumped and chased the man all over the country. When the man got to a cliff he thought he was going to die, so he rolled up in a tiny ball.
Then the monster came over and touched the man and said, "You're it!"
Cheers, RickO
My husband made me angry today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.
There is nothing special about tomorrow.
But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as the panic takes over.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous red haired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained some of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
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Do you own stock in a Duct Tape Co.?
I wish I did @amwldcoin
.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
I'd be more worried if it said "CARP"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Cheers, RickO
I went fishing last weekend but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait!
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back; he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
For my last birthday I left hints for the wife by leaving coin magazines scattered about the house. Imagine my surprise when I unwrapped a magazine rack.
Exit bunker, enter Matrix. LOL
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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does the girl @ 2:27 say meow?
(i really just can't get enough of these)
shot on iphone linda h comp
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Don't mess with Mother Goose.........
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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