#LetsGoSwitzerlandThe Man Who Does Not Read Has No Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read. The biggest obstacle to progress is a habit of “buying what we want and begging for what we need.”You get the Freedom you fight for and get the Oppression you deserve.
The rain was pouring down.
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a smart aleck, cannot resist asking,
"How many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth," says the old man.
St. Peter was sitting at his desk, about 1,000 feet from the Pearly Gates, when he sees a guy appear near the gate.
So St. Peter gets up, and jogs over to the Pearly Gates to let him in and start processing him.
As soon as St. Peter gets within 5 feet of the Gates, the guy vanishes.
So St. Peter goes back to his desk. He sits back down, and then sees the guy back at the Gate.
He runs back to the Gate, when the guy vanishes again.
This happens 2 more times, and finally St. Peter yells at the guy, "Keep this up, and I'll ban you from Heaven!"
The guy calls back, "Tell that to these guys with the defibrillators!"
When a man asked his wife if he was the only one she had ever
been with she replied, "Yes. All the others were nines and tens."
>
A good one (sentence ) hidden in there
I would keep in mind that this is parody or humor, but would be taken as very rude by any woman. There are no good rating systems on what a "10" man or woman would be; the best are those who make good use of their talents and are kindly.
Golf joke....
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher.
The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
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Wax and chrome cleaner.
fuzzy dice
A couple of rolls of Duc-Tape and a very large container of Bondo.
Blinker fluid
I WAS SITTING IN THE
WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA,
WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK
HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY
SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET
CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED
ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY
LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY
CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED
HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .
'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED
HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN THE UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT,
GREY HAIRED,
DECREPIT,
JERK ASKED...
"WHAT SUBJECT DID YOU TEACH?"
Any of y'all having difficulty uploading photos to the site tonight?
I figured if any were getting through, it would be here . . .
Z
Busy chasing Carr's . . . . . woof!
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Re: Advanced Auto Parts
The car is a free giveaway, as the sign in the back window implies.
Now that's marketing !
WHAT ? "I call them as I see them".
That's ghreat @Drizzt
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I graduated from High School in 1965.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
The rain was pouring down.
There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub, was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Fishing," replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."
In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a smart aleck, cannot resist asking,
"How many have you caught today?"
"You're the eighth," says the old man.
St. Peter was sitting at his desk, about 1,000 feet from the Pearly Gates, when he sees a guy appear near the gate.
So St. Peter gets up, and jogs over to the Pearly Gates to let him in and start processing him.
As soon as St. Peter gets within 5 feet of the Gates, the guy vanishes.
So St. Peter goes back to his desk. He sits back down, and then sees the guy back at the Gate.
He runs back to the Gate, when the guy vanishes again.
This happens 2 more times, and finally St. Peter yells at the guy, "Keep this up, and I'll ban you from Heaven!"
The guy calls back, "Tell that to these guys with the defibrillators!"
Ahhh! The old model 460 Air Conditioner. Remember them well.
I would keep in mind that this is parody or humor, but would be taken as very rude by any woman. There are no good rating systems on what a "10" man or woman would be; the best are those who make good use of their talents and are kindly.
From the local senior men's club:
Jest in Time
Very short stories
I was outside working in the yard when my wife came out to tell
me a funny thing she heard... that I had told her an hour ago.
The other day my wife opened her own jar of pickles, so I am now
considered a nonessential worker.
My wife told me there was a spider in the bathtub. I told her,
"That's good. Self-care is important."
Then there was this lo-o-ong
silence. Finally I told her, "I'll catch it and take it outside."
I was sitting across from my wife at the dinner table when she
started flirting. Then I realized she was just licking some salsa
from her fingers.
Golf joke....
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Cheers, RickO
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.
Cheers, RickO
Do you remember this concoction?
How to be happy...
- Jim
Cheaper than rare coins.
Those kids look like they were drugged for the photo shoot. That's some product line-up listed across the bottom.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
And "power steering by Armstrong".
With and without makeup:
And who could forget the ever popular "Spaghetti on a Stick" Those were the days. No Organics for us.
Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher.
The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."
Coinsof1984@martinb6830 on twitter
Coinsof1984@martinb6830 on twitter
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Heard this at work last night. "He's so stupid it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Who?
Good thing it doesn't say not to play in the pipe.
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A fella by the name of Adam.
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
I thought it was maybe the one Horton heard.
Who??
Yea him.
He's on first> @Smudge said:
Yo ,
I'm trying to watch Jesus on the mound.
Accidentally ran over the neighbors cat today. I was afraid to tell him face to face, so I just left a note saying, "Curiosity was here".
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pizza is like sex. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Don't see thesse ads much anymore!
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date