The forum needs a little humor.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

In honor of it being 4/20, here's a video that, if you haven't seen it, is worth all four minutes of it.
If you've seen it, it is worth a repeat: **"best story" **David Letterman ever heard.
(Come on, you sit in front of your computer 12 hours a day; you have 4 minutes to spare for a laugh.)

(http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFabfnfhIaY)

At FUN this year, I had this conversation. Honest!

Room Service: Morny. Rune-sore-bees.
Me: Oh, sorry. I thought I dialed Room Service.
RS: Rye, rune-sore-bees. Morny. Djewish to odor sunteen?
Me: Uh... yes. I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July then?
Me: What?
RS: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch...?
Me: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled please.
RS: Ow July thee baycome? Crease?
Me: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Okay. An Santos?
Me: What?
RS: Santos. July Santos?
Me: Ugh. I don't know...I don't think so.
RS: No. Judo one toes?
Me: Look, I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes" means. I'm sorry.
RS: Toes! Toes! Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow cenglish mopping we bother?
Me: An English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
Me: No. Just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
Me: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
RS: Copy?
Me: I feel terrible about this but...
RS: Copy. Copy, tea, mill...
Me: Coffee! Yes, coffee please. And that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass rune torino fee, strangle aches, crease baycome, tossy cenglish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy. Rye?
Me: Whatever you say.
RS: Okay. Tendjewberrymud.
Me: You're welcome.

            **The Van Gogh Family Tree**

His obnoxious brother........................................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt...................................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes.................................Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store....Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia..........................U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white..........Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois.......................................Chica Gogh
His magician uncle.............................................Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin............................................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother.........Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach.................Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle........................................Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt..................................Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle.............................................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst.................................E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin.........................................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking...................Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew...................................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco....................................Go Gogh
His niece who travels the country in a van............Winnie Bay Gogh

I always suspected this................

Pete

Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
Selma, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
Morty yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
Selma turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
Morty yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
Selma gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from New York. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I've ever met."
Selma turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
Morty yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!"

LOST IN THE TRANSLATION

1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?"
   prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to
   their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

2. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was
   read as "Suffer from diarrhea".

3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
   American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".

4. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only
   to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use
   for the manure stick".

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
   packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they
   learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of
   what's inside, since many people can't read.

6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
   notorious porno magazine.

7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
   market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el
   Papa),the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

8. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi
   brings your ancestors back from the grave", in Chinese.

9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning
   "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on
   the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic
   equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth".

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were
    supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you".
    Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate)
    meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make
    you pregnant".

11. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
    chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a
    chicken affectionate".

O. K. thanks. I guess my brain was in skim mode and just converted the "th" to "st". The laughs on me!

A....I hope you didn't get your currency wet.