An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.
"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"
A minister was pulled over for speeding. As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to him, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. ”The cop handed the minister the ticket and said, “Go thou and sin no more.”
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen,' said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?'
'Certainly,' said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy...'
.
perhaps that explains why the bubble wrap shippers take forever getting me my wrap 90% of the time and also why i'd shorted a lot too!
(seriously, take a look at feedback for a lot of the big sellers of it!!!)
A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are arrested during the French Revolution for the crime of being rich and are sent to the guillotine.
The executioner brings the doctor up the steps first.
“How do you wish to die Monsieur?”
“I wish to die with honor” replies the doctor. This means that he goes into the guillotine head first with no blindfold, so he can face the blade that will end his life. So in, face up, he goes.
The executioner pulls the cord, the blades falls… and stops halfway down. The executioner being a superstitious man exclaims, “Monsieur, God must want you to live. We cannot execute you. You are free to go.”
Next comes the lawyer. “How do you wish to die Monsieur?”
“I wish to die with honor” replies the lawyer. So in he goes, no blindfold, face up.
The executioner pulls the cord, the blades falls… and again stops halfway down.
“Monsieur, God must want you to live. We cannot execute you. You are free to go,” says the executioner.
Next comes the engineer. “How do you wish to die Monsieur?” The engineer, being no fool, replies, “I too wish to die with honor.” And so, in he goes, no blindfold, face up.
The executioner reaches for the cord, unsure what will happen next, when the engineer says, “Wait! I see the problem.”
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 %.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said: "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
A old man was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone.
"Herbert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herbert, "It's hundreds of them!"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A minister was pulled over for speeding. As the cop was about to write the ticket, the minister said to him, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. ”The cop handed the minister the ticket and said, “Go thou and sin no more.”
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the Blonde CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
'Listen,' said the CEO, 'this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?'
'Certainly,' said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
'Excellent, excellent!' said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. 'I just need one copy...'
Cheers, RickO
Isn't this reversed? I'd think the barber would cut around where the phone is leaving that area long.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
which is why girl's stories are always better
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
So many tracks and nothing on them.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Looks almost like the The mushroom pizza that we got from our local pizza shop🙈
Lafayette Grading Set
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Cheers, RickO
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
that chance."
Someone must have lost the key
.
perhaps that explains why the bubble wrap shippers take forever getting me my wrap 90% of the time and also why i'd shorted a lot too!
(seriously, take a look at feedback for a lot of the big sellers of it!!!)
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer are arrested during the French Revolution for the crime of being rich and are sent to the guillotine.
The executioner brings the doctor up the steps first.
“How do you wish to die Monsieur?”
“I wish to die with honor” replies the doctor. This means that he goes into the guillotine head first with no blindfold, so he can face the blade that will end his life. So in, face up, he goes.
The executioner pulls the cord, the blades falls… and stops halfway down. The executioner being a superstitious man exclaims, “Monsieur, God must want you to live. We cannot execute you. You are free to go.”
Next comes the lawyer. “How do you wish to die Monsieur?”
“I wish to die with honor” replies the lawyer. So in he goes, no blindfold, face up.
The executioner pulls the cord, the blades falls… and again stops halfway down.
“Monsieur, God must want you to live. We cannot execute you. You are free to go,” says the executioner.
Next comes the engineer. “How do you wish to die Monsieur?” The engineer, being no fool, replies, “I too wish to die with honor.” And so, in he goes, no blindfold, face up.
The executioner reaches for the cord, unsure what will happen next, when the engineer says, “Wait! I see the problem.”
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members