Two blondes are on opposite sides of a river. One hollers to the other, "HEY! HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?"
The other replies, "You ARE on the other side."
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
What’s another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why isn’t there mouseflavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly that loses its wings be called a “walk”?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If You Don’t Remember These Road Signs, You’re Too Young
TRAINS DON’T WANDER... SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH ... DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD
ALL OVER THE MAP.... BY MISTAKE.... TO GAIN A MINUTE
‘CAUSE NOBODY SITS... SHE THOUGHT IT WAS... YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
IN THE ENGINEER’S LAP... HER HUSBAND JAKE... YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
DROVE TOO LONG.. BROTHER SPEEDER... SPEED WAS HIGH
DRIVER SNOOZING... LET’S REHEARSE... WEATHER WAS NOT
WHAT HAPPENED... ALL TOGETHER .... TIRES WERE THIN
NEXT IS NOT AMUSING .... GOOD MORNING, NURSE... X MARKS THE SPOT
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE... AROUND THE CURVE... A GUY WHO DRIVES
OF PAUL FOR BEER... LICKETY-SPLIT... A CAR WIDE OPEN
LED TO A WARMER... BEAUTIFUL CAR... IS NOT THINKIN’
HEMISPHERE... WASN’T IT? ... HE’S JUST HOPIN’
AT INTERSECTIONS... CAR IN DITCH... PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
LOOK EACH WAY... DRIVER IN TREE.... TAKE IT SLOW
A HARP SOUNDS NICE... THE MOON WAS FULL... LET OUR LITTLE
BUT IT’S HARD TO PLAY... AND SO WAS HE... SHAVERS GROW
And of course, the fifth sign for all of these was BURMA SHAVE
An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a
sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense, and so for the terrible
crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months, and
with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday on the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent sheik
decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their
punishment, the sheik announced, “It is my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one
wish before your whipping.”
The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while, and then said he wished to have a pillow tied to his back. This
was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes, and when the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and
crying in pain.
The Frenchman was next up, and having watched what happened to the Dutchman, he said smugly “Please fix two pillows
to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through, and the Frenchman was led
away whimpering loudly (as they do).
The American was last up, but before he could say anything, the sheik turned to him and said: “You are from a most
beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest. For this, you may have two wishes.”
“Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness,” the American replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish
is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome, and powerful man, you are also
very brave,” the sheik said with an admiring look on his face. “And your second wish, what is it to be?” The American
replied, “Tie the Frenchman to my back.”
Comments
Cheers, RickO
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a river. One hollers to the other, "HEY! HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE?"
The other replies, "You ARE on the other side."
USAF (Ret) 1974 - 1994 - The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. Remembering RickO, a brother in arms.
Hope I don't get banned for this
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
You guys better hope that Heather isn't a blond.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Voltaire: Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero.
Some office humor:
Planning ahead for next year's April's Fool's Day:
Damn, now I gotta go pee.
In other words, you have to take a leek.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Voltaire: Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero.
No, he has to go take a pea...
U.S. Type Set
I thought the same thing, before I posted those
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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@PerryHall
If I'm not here next week...............you know why
.
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Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Additionally,
If she is..............will she get it?
[seriously, if I'm gone from here .. this is why]
but I have a coin to post
.
.
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I'm kinda thinking that's a better look -
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
The Zen of George Carlin
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
What’s another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
Why isn’t there mouseflavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly that loses its wings be called a “walk”?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If You Don’t Remember These Road Signs, You’re Too Young
TRAINS DON’T WANDER... SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH ... DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD
ALL OVER THE MAP.... BY MISTAKE.... TO GAIN A MINUTE
‘CAUSE NOBODY SITS... SHE THOUGHT IT WAS... YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
IN THE ENGINEER’S LAP... HER HUSBAND JAKE... YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
DROVE TOO LONG.. BROTHER SPEEDER... SPEED WAS HIGH
DRIVER SNOOZING... LET’S REHEARSE... WEATHER WAS NOT
WHAT HAPPENED... ALL TOGETHER .... TIRES WERE THIN
NEXT IS NOT AMUSING .... GOOD MORNING, NURSE... X MARKS THE SPOT
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE... AROUND THE CURVE... A GUY WHO DRIVES
OF PAUL FOR BEER... LICKETY-SPLIT... A CAR WIDE OPEN
LED TO A WARMER... BEAUTIFUL CAR... IS NOT THINKIN’
HEMISPHERE... WASN’T IT? ... HE’S JUST HOPIN’
AT INTERSECTIONS... CAR IN DITCH... PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
LOOK EACH WAY... DRIVER IN TREE.... TAKE IT SLOW
A HARP SOUNDS NICE... THE MOON WAS FULL... LET OUR LITTLE
BUT IT’S HARD TO PLAY... AND SO WAS HE... SHAVERS GROW
And of course, the fifth sign for all of these was BURMA SHAVE
New Perspective on War
An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a
sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense, and so for the terrible
crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months, and
with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday on the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent sheik
decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their
punishment, the sheik announced, “It is my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each one of you one
wish before your whipping.”
The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while, and then said he wished to have a pillow tied to his back. This
was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes, and when the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and
crying in pain.
The Frenchman was next up, and having watched what happened to the Dutchman, he said smugly “Please fix two pillows
to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through, and the Frenchman was led
away whimpering loudly (as they do).
The American was last up, but before he could say anything, the sheik turned to him and said: “You are from a most
beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest. For this, you may have two wishes.”
“Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness,” the American replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish
is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome, and powerful man, you are also
very brave,” the sheik said with an admiring look on his face. “And your second wish, what is it to be?” The American
replied, “Tie the Frenchman to my back.”
Too young for what???
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Surströmming
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
If you are driving a car at the speed of light and turn on the headlights, where does the light go?
Life member #369 of the Royal Canadian Numismatic Association
Member of Canadian Association of Token Collectors
Collector of:
Canadian coins and pre-confederation tokens
Darkside proof/mint sets dated 1960
My Ebay
All depends on how you are facing in the car
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
It probably wouldn't leave the source.
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
Type your comment
I was going too but then suddenly realized that it wasn’t such a great idea after all.
What do you name a deaf cat ?
? da !
Lois: It's not heavy, your Super Mario.
Mario : Your giving me a sick headache Lois.
What type of car?
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
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Coinsof1984@martinb6830 on twitter
Coinsof1984@martinb6830 on twitter
Two men were arrested for stealing a calendar.
They each got six months.
U.S. Type Set
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Pete