A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) What he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ' Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ....... I just lost it.'
A teacher in early elementary school asks a student if he knew his numbers.
The young boy answers...
“Yes...my dad taught me.”
“Good"...says the teacher...
"What comes after three?”
“Four,” answered the boy.
The teacher says...
"Excellent...what comes after six?”
He answers...
“Seven.”
“Very good,” said the teacher...
“Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?”
The boy smiles and says...
“Jack.”
@SkyMan said:
To both @ms70 and @hammer1 ... I'm guessing you've cut and pasted jokes from friends? I have no idea about Quantas or UPS.
UPS isn’t an airline. It’s a shipping company.
Actually UPS is an airline. The company is actually two companies within one. The airline is known as UPSCO. It consists of the pilots and aircraft technicians and supporting staff. Much better pay and benefits than UPS Inc , which consists of the ground side of the company, trucks and packaging handling.
@SkyMan said:
To both @ms70 and @hammer1 ... I'm guessing you've cut and pasted jokes from friends? I have no idea about Quantas or UPS.
UPS isn’t an airline. It’s a shipping company.
Actually UPS is an airline. The company is actually two companies within one. The airline is known as UPSCO. It consists of the pilots and aircraft technicians and supporting staff. Much better pay and benefits than UPS Inc , which consists of the ground side of the company, trucks and packaging handling.
Then why don’t they carry passengers? Never seen “UPS” on the arrivals/departures board at the airport.
Danny sets up his buddy Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his.
But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy,...
“I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Danny says.....
“Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley's door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts,.....
“Aaauuuggghhh!”
@SkyMan said:
To both @ms70 and @hammer1 ... I'm guessing you've cut and pasted jokes from friends? I have no idea about Quantas or UPS.
UPS isn’t an airline. It’s a shipping company.
Actually UPS is an airline. The company is actually two companies within one. The airline is known as UPSCO. It consists of the pilots and aircraft technicians and supporting staff. Much better pay and benefits than UPS Inc , which consists of the ground side of the company, trucks and packaging handling.
Then why don’t they carry passengers? Never seen “UPS” on the arrivals/departures board at the airport.
You keep striking out.....of course UPS flew passengers. Back in the 90’s UPS had planes sitting on the weekends , not doing anything, not making. So they took some of the 727-200’s , five of them I believe and converted them to passenger planes. They flew charters. They loaded bins with seats through the main cargo door and locked the bins down. Passenger plane on the weekends and freighter during the week. It was great service and great flights. My wife and I flew to Cancun from Indy. I knew the Capt and we both jump seated in the cockpit for part of the flight. The 727-200’s were ex-Lufthansa planes. Service only lasted a couple of years. They also have the best fleet an airline could have....well optioned and well maintained. Cat3b autoland🛫
@SkyMan said:
To both @ms70 and @hammer1 ... I'm guessing you've cut and pasted jokes from friends? I have no idea about Quantas or UPS.
UPS isn’t an airline. It’s a shipping company.
Actually UPS is an airline. The company is actually two companies within one. The airline is known as UPSCO. It consists of the pilots and aircraft technicians and supporting staff. Much better pay and benefits than UPS Inc , which consists of the ground side of the company, trucks and packaging handling.
Then why don’t they carry passengers? Never seen “UPS” on the arrivals/departures board at the airport.
You keep striking out.....of course UPS flew passengers. Back in the 90’s UPS had planes sitting on the weekends , not doing anything, not making. So they took some of the 727-200’s , five of them I believe and converted them to passenger planes. They flew charters. They loaded bins with seats through the main cargo door and locked the bins down. Passenger plane on the weekends and freighter during the week. It was great service and great flights. My wife and I flew to Cancun from Indy. I knew the Capt and we both jump seated in the cockpit for part of the flight. The 727-200’s were ex-Lufthansa planes. Service only lasted a couple of years. They also have the best fleet an airline could have....well optioned and well maintained. Cat3b autoland🛫
And this is in the “forum needs some humor” section because…?
@OKbustchaser said:
I always wonder about these signs. Does the market really have a major problem with people selling houses that they don't own?
The owner is selling the house rather than a realtor representing the owner.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
When Timmy went in for an interview at ABC company, he was hired after a very brief interview. A little skeptical at first, Timmy asked the company representative a few questions.
It went like this:
ABC: Trust me, this company could really use someone new
Timmy: If there is too much work, I'm going to quit...
ABC: We'd NEVER let something like that happen
Timmy: Do employees get every Saturday and Sunday off?
ABC: That's a granted.
Timmy: Are employees required to work overtime without pay?
ABC: No way. Where did you even come up with such a ridiculous idea?
Timmy: Are meals subsidized?
ABC: You BET.
Timmy: Do the new employees usually end up doing ALL the work?
ABC: That's impossible. There are so many other experienced people in our company.
Timmy: If I did well, would I ever become a manager?
ABC: Yes. Absolutely.
Timmy: Wow. Is this for real?
After working there for several months, Timmy noticed that the job wasn't panning out the way he had been promised. Quite upset, he went to file a complaint to the HR dept. The next day, Timmy was summoned into the management's office, where they threatened to fire him for voicing out.
To see his conversation with the management, read the conversation above again.... from the bottom to the top.
Comments
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
.
.
Triage at its best
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing.
She complained to the driver, and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) What he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ' Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ....... I just lost it.'
' CASE DISMISSED !! '
RIP Mom- 1932-2012
Falling Down: Michael Douglas, Robert Duvall ...
https://youtu.be/hlzm7-gvTRg
.
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Cheers, RickO
RIP Mom- 1932-2012
Sorry, I can't take your meme seriously because the strippers do like me.
Pete
Must be a coin collector
Lafayette Grading Set
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A teacher in early elementary school asks a student if he knew his numbers.
The young boy answers...
“Yes...my dad taught me.”
“Good"...says the teacher...
"What comes after three?”
“Four,” answered the boy.
The teacher says...
"Excellent...what comes after six?”
He answers...
“Seven.”
“Very good,” said the teacher...
“Your dad did a good job. And what comes after 10?”
The boy smiles and says...
“Jack.”
Cheers, RickO
Why were you pooping in the street????
Only in San Francisco.
Cliff Mishler always took his morning “constitutional” on the streets in his article when he visited coin shows.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Actually UPS is an airline. The company is actually two companies within one. The airline is known as UPSCO. It consists of the pilots and aircraft technicians and supporting staff. Much better pay and benefits than UPS Inc , which consists of the ground side of the company, trucks and packaging handling.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
250 gallons of paint
https://youtu.be/3bCGKgCnFqI
.
.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Then why don’t they carry passengers? Never seen “UPS” on the arrivals/departures board at the airport.
Cheers, RickO
Danny sets up his buddy Andy to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his.
But Andy is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Andy,...
“I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry.” Danny says.....
“Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Andy knocks at Shirley's door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
Andy’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts,.....
“Aaauuuggghhh!”
Cheers, RickO
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
You keep striking out.....of course UPS flew passengers. Back in the 90’s UPS had planes sitting on the weekends , not doing anything, not making. So they took some of the 727-200’s , five of them I believe and converted them to passenger planes. They flew charters. They loaded bins with seats through the main cargo door and locked the bins down. Passenger plane on the weekends and freighter during the week. It was great service and great flights. My wife and I flew to Cancun from Indy. I knew the Capt and we both jump seated in the cockpit for part of the flight. The 727-200’s were ex-Lufthansa planes. Service only lasted a couple of years. They also have the best fleet an airline could have....well optioned and well maintained. Cat3b autoland🛫
And this is in the “forum needs some humor” section because…?
shsh...SHARK !
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
I always wonder about these signs. Does the market really have a major problem with people selling houses that they don't own?
The owner is selling the house rather than a realtor representing the owner.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
No....you think?
Edited to delete duplicate post that was just posted a couple days ago my bad...
Hey!!! You were the one who asked the question.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cheers, RickO
My pittie...
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
Sound like me!!!
When all else fails go back to blonde jokes.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
When Timmy went in for an interview at ABC company, he was hired after a very brief interview. A little skeptical at first, Timmy asked the company representative a few questions.
It went like this:
ABC: Trust me, this company could really use someone new
Timmy: If there is too much work, I'm going to quit...
ABC: We'd NEVER let something like that happen
Timmy: Do employees get every Saturday and Sunday off?
ABC: That's a granted.
Timmy: Are employees required to work overtime without pay?
ABC: No way. Where did you even come up with such a ridiculous idea?
Timmy: Are meals subsidized?
ABC: You BET.
Timmy: Do the new employees usually end up doing ALL the work?
ABC: That's impossible. There are so many other experienced people in our company.
Timmy: If I did well, would I ever become a manager?
ABC: Yes. Absolutely.
Timmy: Wow. Is this for real?
After working there for several months, Timmy noticed that the job wasn't panning out the way he had been promised. Quite upset, he went to file a complaint to the HR dept. The next day, Timmy was summoned into the management's office, where they threatened to fire him for voicing out.
To see his conversation with the management, read the conversation above again.... from the bottom to the top.