"Good Morning Class" -- Welcome to Coinsmoke!

Clankeye · August 18, 2003 12:22AM

In the town of Coinsmoke the locals wander through another busy day. A tall, dark stranger--a Man With No Name--rides through the center of town. He hitches his horse to the post in front of the Marshall's office and goes inside

Marshall Bear: (legs up, boots on desk) Howdy!
Stranger: Howdy.
Marshall Bear: What's the name, friend?
--Silence--
Stranger: Freaky Coin Freak.
Marshall Bear: Well, bein' as I just saw ol' Freaky tarred, feathered and run outta town yesterday... that'd either make you a liar or idiot. Which is it?
Stranger: (lights a smoke) Nice town ya got here. Peaceful.
Marshall Bear: (Sputtering) PEACEFUL????!!!! Mister, I've heard Coinsmoke called a lot of things in my day--but never peaceful! (spits a direct hit into the corner spitoon) Jus yesterday, Mad Dog Stewie Blay shot Rance Sunnywood dead in the street! Cold-hearted as a howdy-do about it!
Stranger: Why'd he do that?
Marshall Bear: Said Sunnyboy spoke ill of one of his coins. 'Round here there's two things ya don't do... insult another man's coins, and... uh... I'm too old to remember t'other.
Stranger: Who's the Sheriff here, Marshall?
Marshall Bear: That'd be Sheriff Homer Hall, son! Owns this town. Word to the wise... don't get on ol' Homer's bad side.
Stranger: Where might a fella find him?
Marshall Bear: 'Bout now he'd be over at the Slab Saloon!
Stranger: "Slab Saloon?" Funny name for a waterin' hole, ain't it?
Marshall Bear: Used to be the Rawhide... but fer some reason rubbed Homer the wrong way... (scratching his beard) say... you wouldn't be one of those Free Coiners would ya?
Stranger: Free Coiner?
Marshall Bear: Yeah... one of them crazy fellers who don't believe in havin' their coins certified. Like Porkkarl of Abilene and Virgil Jom. You know them boys? Stirred up a mess a trouble 'round here!
Stranger: So... most folks like their coins slabbed in these parts?
Marshall Bear: Yup! 'Cept those crazy foreigners cross the gulch in Dark Town. But they ain’t good for nuthin’. (he spits) You sure you ain't a Free Coiner?

Mad Marty Munson comes bursting through the door. He is a mottled collection of rags, bags and animal skins

Mad Marty Munson: MARSHALL!!! Better get on over ta the Slab! All hell’s breakin’ loose!!!
Marshall Bear: WHOA! Marty! SLOW DOWN! Tell me what happened!
Mad Marty: (sucking wind) Well… them boys from the NGC come ta town!
Marshall Bear: Curly Joe Braddick?
Mad Marty: (nodding) Yessir! An Festus Marguli too!!!!
Marshall Bear: DANG!
Mad Marty: Well ol’ Lucy Belle up and tells ‘em they ain’t welcome and they draw down on Lucy!!!! KIN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!! Drawin’ on Lucy??!!!!
Stranger: There a fella named Rusty Compucheap with ‘em? Tall fella—thin as a rattlesnake, ugly—like a Franklin half.
Mad Marty: Cain’t speak to that, mister—but next thing ya know, Clem Wonderbritches from The Registry Ranch done up and smashes a bottle over Coinpoke1’s head!!
Marshall Bear: WHAT FER??!
Mad Marty: Fer saying that he can’t be selling coins in the Slab Saloon! AIN’T THAT THE DARNDEST THING?!!

--Silence—

Marshall Bear: Where’s Sheriff Homer during all this, Marty?
Mad Marty: Last I saw, Marshall-- he’s up on the balcony just laughin’ at everybody!

--Silence—

Stranger: Friendly place.
Mad Marty: What’re ya gonna do, Marshall?
Stranger: Yeah… Marshall?

Marshall Bear sits down in his chair, leans back and puts his boots on the desk.

Marshall Bear: Ain’t gonna do nuthin’. Too close to retirin’ to risk it on a bunch of Yahoos! You don’t even know how many times I been shot!
Stranger: But you heard Marty here. Half the town’s killin’ each other!

Marshall Bear: (striking a match on his boot and lighting a big cigar)

Welcome to Coinsmoke, stranger!

(exhaling a big, blue cloud of smoke)

Peaceful, ain’t it?

Louis · August 18, 2003 12:28AM

Excellent !!!

Yep it's Monday.

MadMonk · August 18, 2003 12:30AM

Ah, Clankeye! Thank's for the pick-me-up!

IrishMike · August 18, 2003 12:33AM

nwcs · August 18, 2003 12:33AM

Something to give me a smile on Monday morning.

Though now I wish I had used a different user id so I could get in the action more. Or that I was more aggravating and confrontational to get a featured role...

I suppose I can be the fence of NWCS.

Neil

Tassa · August 18, 2003 12:37AM

Entertaining as usual Clankeye.

Outhaul · August 18, 2003 12:41AM

ursabear · August 18, 2003 12:42AM

Repleat with wonder and humor, as usual! Thank you for sharing with us!

ara · August 18, 2003 12:59AM

"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!"

jonesy · August 18, 2003 1:00AM

Great Story!!

Wonder if LucyBelle had her Gat with her??

ara · August 18, 2003 1:01AM

... or should I say slabs ...

cacheman · August 18, 2003 1:02AM

"Well, bein' as I just saw ol' Freaky tarred, feathered and run outta town yesterday."

Hopefully a precursor to the real thing....

PhillyJoe · August 18, 2003 1:03AM

Mighty fine writin', partner. Got ole Rusty nailed to a "t".

Little Joe

beartracks42 · August 18, 2003 1:04AM

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Needed my weekly fix.

:

wondercoin · August 18, 2003 1:07AM

lordmarcovan · August 18, 2003 1:08AM

Best yet.

DHeath · August 18, 2003 1:11AM

ugly—like a Franklin half.

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

cosmicdebris · August 18, 2003 1:14AM

So when we doin' up the Dark Towners?

coinguy1 · August 18, 2003 1:15AM

Carl, my head still hurts from the bottle that hit it, but, my stomach hurts more, from laughing. Thanks, once more.

ccrdragon · August 18, 2003 1:21AM

Dam fine writin' there partner!

dorkkarl · August 18, 2003 1:22AM

man, ahm a-still a gigglin' & a gagglin! dangnabbit, clankeye! that was too dadgummed funny!

PORKKARL - I LUV IT!!!

P K

LucyBop · August 18, 2003 1:30AM

Clankeye · August 18, 2003 1:35AM

Why Miss Lucille... you are a sight for sore eyes!

Now get yer party dress on woman. Gonna be a hot time at the Ol' Slab tonight.

Clankeye

CarlWohlforth · August 18, 2003 1:37AM

I see it is time to put down my sword and belt on my 45s! Ah, I can imagine the dust as if I was there. Hang 'em high!

Thanks for the story!

FC57Coins · August 18, 2003 1:38AM

Mondays are always a little better with a contribution from the Bard!

JeffinMich · August 18, 2003 1:47AM

LOL....great stuff Clank.

Garneteye · August 18, 2003 2:19AM

Dan

coinrookie · August 18, 2003 2:21AM

Loved it. But then again I always loved the cowpokes and sod buster theme.

Clankeye · August 18, 2003 2:25AM

<< <i>But then again I always loved the cowpokes and sod buster theme. >>

Me too, Coinrookie. Can't wait to see Costner's new movie Open Range.

Been talkin' like this purt near a week now. The missus is 'bout to plug me.

Clankeye

mdwoods · August 18, 2003 2:36AM

Been talkin' like this purt near a week now. The missus is 'bout to plug me.

I bet that statement is true!!

RegistryCoin · August 18, 2003 3:29AM

'Ol Clank. You did done do a great cypherin' here! Thankee.

Cam40 · August 18, 2003 3:31AM

Great new theme there scriber Clank. Caint wait to hear the one bout Sheriff Hall findin out bout that feller
thats been a sellin them purdy little colored nickels out back of the Slab Saloon. Gonna make the Sheriff
alittle cranky I magine.

MacCoin · August 18, 2003 4:31AM

2 thumbers up

pqgold · August 18, 2003 4:35AM

Excellent ! Sherrif Hall at the Slab Saloon. I would have said he was at Mama Mia's, chowing down Lasagna, or at Target buying all the marked down Hawaiian shirts.

my3cents · August 18, 2003 5:14AM

YEEEEEE HAAAAAA!

Bear · August 18, 2003 5:44AM

Its good to get my boots and hogleg strapped on again. Ill be hornswoggled and

dagnabbed ifen I didnt get a starren roll without being plugged like a nickel.

I guess I will mosey down to the saloon and get me a cold Sarsasperella.

Dang its good to be marshall in a western agin.

O mighty Bard, thank you.My soul thirsted for this tale as a man thirsts in a dry desert

for a drink of water.

dpoole · August 18, 2003 5:46AM

cladking · August 18, 2003 5:55AM

Well... now I'm just about caught up.

Good luck, Bear.

TGIM.

bigindie · August 18, 2003 6:18AM

Dig the Western them this week, Clank.

coinguy1 · August 18, 2003 7:04AM

This story is all fine and dandy, not to mention, hilarious and otherwise wonderful.

Just a quick and solemn reminder, however - Clank, your "The Bard" title can be revoked by Carol at ANY time, particularly if you miss a Monday morning deadline.

And, the "Monday Morning Good Morning Class Deadline Forum Peace Posse Police Committee" (MMGMCDFPPPC for not-so-short) is on continuous watch, I assure you.