The forum needs a little humor.

I recently went to visit my 80-year-old uncle who lives on a very secluded farm in Michigan's upper peninsula. I have not seen my uncle in over 20 years. He’s “out in the sticks.” It is a 10-hour drive to his house, and he only leaves the farm for groceries or doctor’s appointments, and never ventures far. We spent hours chatting the entire evening, and finally went to bed after midnight.

Early the next morning my uncle prepared a wonderful country breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and hash-browns. As I finished my breakfast I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my uncle asking, “Are these plates clean?”
He replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal!”

For lunch, the old man grilled up some hamburgers. Again, I was concerned about the plates, as mine appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up he said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”

Later that afternoon, as I was packing my car to leave, my uncle’s dog came out from under the front porch. The dog started to growl, and bare his teeth, with the hair standing up on his back! I tried to go back into the house, and he wouldn’t let me pass! I yelled and said, “Uncle Tom, your dog won’t let me come back in the house.”

Without diverting his attention from the Milwaukee Brewers game he was watching on TV, he shouted, “COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!’

Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."

The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"

Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here."

With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.

The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"

Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.

The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"

Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"

Cheers, RickO