I recently went to visit my 80-year-old uncle who lives on a very secluded farm in Michigan's upper peninsula. I have not seen my uncle in over 20 years. He’s “out in the sticks.” It is a 10-hour drive to his house, and he only leaves the farm for groceries or doctor’s appointments, and never ventures far. We spent hours chatting the entire evening, and finally went to bed after midnight.
Early the next morning my uncle prepared a wonderful country breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and hash-browns. As I finished my breakfast I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my uncle asking, “Are these plates clean?”
He replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal!”
For lunch, the old man grilled up some hamburgers. Again, I was concerned about the plates, as mine appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up he said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, as I was packing my car to leave, my uncle’s dog came out from under the front porch. The dog started to growl, and bare his teeth, with the hair standing up on his back! I tried to go back into the house, and he wouldn’t let me pass! I yelled and said, “Uncle Tom, your dog won’t let me come back in the house.”
Without diverting his attention from the Milwaukee Brewers game he was watching on TV, he shouted, “COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!’
I know a person who while driving through Indiana had a deer land on top of the car as though it had fallen from the sky. She thought she was going to have a hard time explaining what happened to the police officers who showed up. The cops told her that deer often ran off a cliff over the road in this spot and assured her that she was not the first to suffer this fate. There was no such sign at this location though.
It's the time of the French Revolution and they’re doing their usual daily beheadings.
Today they’re leading a priest, a prostitute, and an engineer up to the guillotine.
They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate.
The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Being devoutly religious, they Take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next, the prostitute comes to the guillotine. She also decides to die face up hoping that she will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, and release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from her neck. So they release the prostitute as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They raise the blade of the guillotine and suddenly the engineer cries out:
"Hey, I see what your problem is!"
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously.
So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years.
In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man.
I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed.
"How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man looks at her sadly.
"Like I'm talking to a wall."
As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.
"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.
Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."
The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."
Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."
The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"
Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here."
With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.
The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"
Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"
Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"
Comments
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
I recently went to visit my 80-year-old uncle who lives on a very secluded farm in Michigan's upper peninsula. I have not seen my uncle in over 20 years. He’s “out in the sticks.” It is a 10-hour drive to his house, and he only leaves the farm for groceries or doctor’s appointments, and never ventures far. We spent hours chatting the entire evening, and finally went to bed after midnight.
Early the next morning my uncle prepared a wonderful country breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and hash-browns. As I finished my breakfast I noticed a film like substance on my plate, and questioned my uncle asking, “Are these plates clean?”
He replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal!”
For lunch, the old man grilled up some hamburgers. Again, I was concerned about the plates, as mine appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up he said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, as I was packing my car to leave, my uncle’s dog came out from under the front porch. The dog started to growl, and bare his teeth, with the hair standing up on his back! I tried to go back into the house, and he wouldn’t let me pass! I yelled and said, “Uncle Tom, your dog won’t let me come back in the house.”
Without diverting his attention from the Milwaukee Brewers game he was watching on TV, he shouted, “COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!’
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The chances of getting killed by a cow are low, but never zero.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
I know a person who while driving through Indiana had a deer land on top of the car as though it had fallen from the sky. She thought she was going to have a hard time explaining what happened to the police officers who showed up. The cops told her that deer often ran off a cliff over the road in this spot and assured her that she was not the first to suffer this fate. There was no such sign at this location though.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
I get it !
it's a nickel plated cap gun.
I don't get the micro photos.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
It's the time of the French Revolution and they’re doing their usual daily beheadings.
Today they’re leading a priest, a prostitute, and an engineer up to the guillotine.
They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate.
The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Being devoutly religious, they Take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next, the prostitute comes to the guillotine. She also decides to die face up hoping that she will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, and release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from her neck. So they release the prostitute as well.
The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They raise the blade of the guillotine and suddenly the engineer cries out:
"Hey, I see what your problem is!"
Cheers, RickO
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously.
So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years.
In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man.
I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed.
"How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks.
The old man looks at her sadly.
"Like I'm talking to a wall."
Cheers, RickO
As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.
"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.
Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."
The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine - except when I want to see."
Cheers, RickO
Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."
The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"
Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here."
With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.
The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"
"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"
Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"
Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"
Cheers, RickO
One for the old-timers...
When a baby finds your smartphone....
https://youtube.com/shorts/xSovmG2iRaY?feature=share
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.