A "Good Morning Class" Christmas Carol
Clankeye
Posts: 3,928 ✭
Christmas Eve. David Hall sits alone in his office eating a microwavable meal of Stouffer's Lasagna. It is a single helping. Affordable, yet elegant in it's simplicity.
A shrouded figure in chains appears out of nowhere. Homerunhall does not look up.
Shrouded figure: Um.... Boo!
Homerunhall: (chewing) Get back out there and body bag some more coins!
Shrouded figure: Who you talkin' to, dog? This ain't my hood anymore!
Homerunhall: (looking up, puzzled) And you would be....?
Shrouded figure: In life... I was your partner... (he pulls back his shroud) Rick Montgomery!!!
The music you are not hearing--but should be-- becomes very eerie.
Homerunhall: (not impressed) In life? Rick, you're not dead.
Montgomery's Ghost: Am too!
Homerunhall: Are not.
Montgomery's Ghost: Dead as a doornail!
Homerunhall: Right.
Montgomery's Ghost: If I were alive, could I do this? (he picks up a raw coin and grinds his thumb into it. Holds it up) There! No fingerprint!
Homerunhall: (shaking head) Doesn't prove anything. You know they don't show up for months.
Montgomery's Ghost: Yeah, but--
Homerunhall: Rick, you're not dead... you're over at NGC.
Montgomery's Ghost: I rest my case. Ever been there?
Homerunhall: RICK!! It's Christmas Eve... whaddya want?
Montgomery's Ghost: My job back?--
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost: A date with Carolj?--
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost: (gathering himself) Okay... then I've come to save your soul!
Homerunhall: Take a number.
Montgomery's Ghost: (getting miffed) Man of the worldly mind! Do you believe in me or not?
The Ghost begins to moan and feebly clank his chains at Homerunhall
Homerunhall: (sighs) What're ya doing?
Montgomery's Ghost: I'm filling you with mortal terror....
Homerunhall: Ricky-Rick-ka-nick-nick-nick (shakes his head) After you left, you know what I did? I joined the Coin Forum message boards... I don't scare anymore.
Montgomery's Ghost: (pointing a crooked finger) You do not know the weight and length of chain you bear yourself, David Hall!
Homerunhall: Yeah, I do, pal. It's long! I know. Guys like you try to yank it all the time.
Montgomery's Ghost slumps in discouragement
Homerunhall: (grabbing a toothpick) You see this toothpick?
Montgomery's Ghost: (sulking) I do...
Homerunhall: You're not looking at it!
Montgomery's Ghost: I see it, notwithstanding. A skill I honed at PCGS by the way....
Homerunhall: Well, all I have to do is make a post about it, and I'll be persecuted by a legion of hobgoblins, trolls and PCGS bashers for the rest of my days! All of my own creation!
Montgomery's Ghost: (hands on hips) Point being???
Homerunhall: (mocking) Point Being? Point being, what with body bagging, fingerprinting, overcharging, undergrading, not crossing, and in general just mucking with everybody's submissions around here... I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP! ANY QUESTIONS!!!??
Montgomery's Ghost: Can I have some Lasagna?
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost is agitated, he paces the floor in front of Homerunhall's desk. Thinking, thinking, thinking... abruptly he turns to Hall
Montgomery's Ghost: I still think I can scare ya!
Homerunhall: Not possible.
Montgomery's Ghost: You will be visited by three board members!
Homerunhall: (blood draining from his face) Wha--?
Montgomery's Ghost: (gleeful) Yes! Yes! That's it! THREE BOARD MEMBERS! (he begins to do a little dance around the office, singing "I don't know anything, I never did know anything, now I know, that I don't know, all on a Christmas morning)
Homerunhall: (falling to his knees) Spirit! I do believe! I DO BELIEVE! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!
Montgomery's Ghost: Tooooooo late! Three--count 'em--three board members!
With a dramatic flourish, Montgomery's Ghost flips up his shroud
Montgomery's Ghost: EXPECT THE WORST--I MEAN FIRST!... WHEN THE BELL TOLLS ONE!!!!!!! (his index finger and thumb form an "L"-- he holds it to his forehead) Look to see me no more!
BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!
The ghost flickers, like a candle in an attic draft, and then... he is gone.
TO BE CONTINUED....
A shrouded figure in chains appears out of nowhere. Homerunhall does not look up.
Shrouded figure: Um.... Boo!
Homerunhall: (chewing) Get back out there and body bag some more coins!
Shrouded figure: Who you talkin' to, dog? This ain't my hood anymore!
Homerunhall: (looking up, puzzled) And you would be....?
Shrouded figure: In life... I was your partner... (he pulls back his shroud) Rick Montgomery!!!
The music you are not hearing--but should be-- becomes very eerie.
Homerunhall: (not impressed) In life? Rick, you're not dead.
Montgomery's Ghost: Am too!
Homerunhall: Are not.
Montgomery's Ghost: Dead as a doornail!
Homerunhall: Right.
Montgomery's Ghost: If I were alive, could I do this? (he picks up a raw coin and grinds his thumb into it. Holds it up) There! No fingerprint!
Homerunhall: (shaking head) Doesn't prove anything. You know they don't show up for months.
Montgomery's Ghost: Yeah, but--
Homerunhall: Rick, you're not dead... you're over at NGC.
Montgomery's Ghost: I rest my case. Ever been there?
Homerunhall: RICK!! It's Christmas Eve... whaddya want?
Montgomery's Ghost: My job back?--
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost: A date with Carolj?--
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost: (gathering himself) Okay... then I've come to save your soul!
Homerunhall: Take a number.
Montgomery's Ghost: (getting miffed) Man of the worldly mind! Do you believe in me or not?
The Ghost begins to moan and feebly clank his chains at Homerunhall
Homerunhall: (sighs) What're ya doing?
Montgomery's Ghost: I'm filling you with mortal terror....
Homerunhall: Ricky-Rick-ka-nick-nick-nick (shakes his head) After you left, you know what I did? I joined the Coin Forum message boards... I don't scare anymore.
Montgomery's Ghost: (pointing a crooked finger) You do not know the weight and length of chain you bear yourself, David Hall!
Homerunhall: Yeah, I do, pal. It's long! I know. Guys like you try to yank it all the time.
Montgomery's Ghost slumps in discouragement
Homerunhall: (grabbing a toothpick) You see this toothpick?
Montgomery's Ghost: (sulking) I do...
Homerunhall: You're not looking at it!
Montgomery's Ghost: I see it, notwithstanding. A skill I honed at PCGS by the way....
Homerunhall: Well, all I have to do is make a post about it, and I'll be persecuted by a legion of hobgoblins, trolls and PCGS bashers for the rest of my days! All of my own creation!
Montgomery's Ghost: (hands on hips) Point being???
Homerunhall: (mocking) Point Being? Point being, what with body bagging, fingerprinting, overcharging, undergrading, not crossing, and in general just mucking with everybody's submissions around here... I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP! ANY QUESTIONS!!!??
Montgomery's Ghost: Can I have some Lasagna?
Homerunhall: No.
Montgomery's Ghost is agitated, he paces the floor in front of Homerunhall's desk. Thinking, thinking, thinking... abruptly he turns to Hall
Montgomery's Ghost: I still think I can scare ya!
Homerunhall: Not possible.
Montgomery's Ghost: You will be visited by three board members!
Homerunhall: (blood draining from his face) Wha--?
Montgomery's Ghost: (gleeful) Yes! Yes! That's it! THREE BOARD MEMBERS! (he begins to do a little dance around the office, singing "I don't know anything, I never did know anything, now I know, that I don't know, all on a Christmas morning)
Homerunhall: (falling to his knees) Spirit! I do believe! I DO BELIEVE! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!
Montgomery's Ghost: Tooooooo late! Three--count 'em--three board members!
With a dramatic flourish, Montgomery's Ghost flips up his shroud
Montgomery's Ghost: EXPECT THE WORST--I MEAN FIRST!... WHEN THE BELL TOLLS ONE!!!!!!! (his index finger and thumb form an "L"-- he holds it to his forehead) Look to see me no more!
BWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!
The ghost flickers, like a candle in an attic draft, and then... he is gone.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Brevity is the soul of wit. --William Shakespeare
0
Comments
Now I have to spend my entire vacation sitting in front of this computer screen, withing for the Three Board members to show up!
This is an all-time classic, Clank!!
Here's a warning parable for coin collectors...
09/07/2006
Joe
Brian.
Lucky for us that you now post stories on Thursdays, too and not just Mondays. Certainly, last week was not just a one-time thing.
We'll use our hands and hearts and if we must we'll use our heads.
Steve
Cameron Kiefer
The ghost of cleaning past...
The ghost of artificial toning present
The ghost of future coin market speculation
Those are my guests for the three.
Or, failing that... jtryka, dorkkarl, and EVP!
Let me give you some ideas.
First, you really need to...
Ah man, I looked at Lanlord's sig line and forgot all my great ideas.
Obscurum per obscurius
The ghost of Christmas present - Dr. Sheldon
The ghost of Christmas future - Q David Bowers or The Home Shopping Network ( HSN is spookier )
<< <i>The ghost of Christmas past - Walter Breen >>
That might be more scary than I'm willing to go.
Clank
The ghost of Christmas present - Dr. Sheldon
The ghost of Christmas future - Q David Bowers or The Home Shopping Network ( HSN is spookier )
Were any of them board members?!
Obscurum per obscurius
Thank you, Clank.
You've outdone yourself again!
p.s.
If you need any bodies dragged off, you know who to call.
"The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the LORD GOD Almighty."
...or so he thought.
Russ, NCNE
Hey, I can be the ghost of the past or present. I can't get my FBL question answered over on the Q&A. Put me off for a week; didn't respond the 2nd week as promised; wouldn't even post my reminder question on the 3rd week. Yeah, I got a bone to break, er, I mean pick!
BTW Clankeye, I have this as the 14th episode; am I correct?
cause I laughed my a$$ off.
Camelot
Clankeye
al h.
In God We Trust.... all others pay in Gold and Silver!
<< <i>I will tell one and all right now, Chapter 2 comes tomorrow. So beware.... >>
one 2mmarow and 1 on christmas
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
">Franklin Halves
">Kennedy Halves
Looking forward to the next installment.
-------------------------
Sure hope I don't involved in tomorrows tail just because I suggested doing a Christmas carol in last weeks post.
">Franklin Halves
">Kennedy Halves
Hey. Can I be Tiny Tim? Puleeze?
This is too funny. I will say it again, you have a special talent and thank you for sharing it with us.
Joe.
<< <i>Let's see...
The ghost of cleaning past...
The ghost of artificial toning present
The ghost of future coin market speculation
Those are my guests for the three.
Or, failing that... jtryka, dorkkarl, and EVP!
Some things haven't changed, either, in 2 years.
Happy, happy, joy, joy!
Joe.