Coins are Neato!
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone...somewhere...is making a penny." - Steven Wright
An hour outside of Dublin an Irish farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
"Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his cow Bessie."
Seamus thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. But I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
"Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
Words of advice
It doesn't matter how nice the hand soap smells... you should
never walk out of a restroom sniffing your fingers. NEVER!
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head,
compose yourself, and quietly say "Amen."
If you live in a camper, your kids will never move in with you...
they won't know where to find you.
Blow on the wine in your mug... everyone else in the meeting will
think it's hot tea.
Words of advice
It doesn't matter how nice the hand soap smells... you should
never walk out of a restroom sniffing your fingers. NEVER!
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head,
compose yourself, and quietly say "Amen."
If you live in a camper, your kids will never move in with you...
they won't know where to find you.
Blow on the wine in your mug... everyone else in the meeting will
think it's hot tea.
@emeraldATV said:
Mom, Isn't it rabbit season ?
A..., a..., why yes it is...(I hate fish)
Good to see that you think these are humorous. No idea what you see, or what you take to see it? I guess if you want to be included you post what you have, regardless of whether or not it fits the title of the discussion.
ok since i said i might post it and i just randomly came across it again while watching animal vids, here is the little thing to go with the primate since they both will fit into your palms.
@LanceNewmanOCC said:
ok, this isn't HAHA funny but it is funny ironic imo. seeing animals like this just sends my brain into haywire mode. cuteness, surreal? i may post a vid of that full grown jungle cat smaller than oak leaves.
That reminds me of a song.
Doe, ray, me....
Their were 14 in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over.
So they all rolled over and one fell down (out). There were 13 in the bed....
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and relieve themselves through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing ."OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service for the beast?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”
I remember as a kid, dad giving me a dollar, going to the local drug store, getting a coke, hamburger, fries and a comic book. 😮
I remember as a kid, dad giving me 50¢, going to the local market, getting a candy bar for me, a pack of smokes for the old man, 10¢ in change and no questions asked.
A rural minister is driving his car into town to see a show and he's stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
I also remember as a kid walking to the store to get my Uncle Bob a fifth of gin. The man behind the counter shook his head no but then his wife said, "It's o.k., he's Bob's nephew." Everybody knew everybody back then.
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
I broke my pelvis years ago in a freak accident. On top of everything I developed pneumonia that delayed my surgery. I was in traction, drugged out of my mind and evidently a cranky miserable SOB. I was in the hospital for over 3 weeks. After things settled down with me one of the nurses let me know they used to put my name in a hat and draw to see had to look after me on that shift. The day I was being discharged I had to have the battle axe. That B*tch taped my balls to my leg with tape that pretty much had to be surgically removed. While it wasn't funny at the time it is now and I probably deserved it!
@ricko said:
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
@amwldcoin.... Now THAT is funny... Though I am sure it was NOT funny at the time. Amazing, a real life example of my joke.... Thanks for sharing that. Cheers, RickO
Comments
Coins are Neato!
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone...somewhere...is making a penny." - Steven Wright
Custom Fitted with wash and wear instructions. Attachments sold spartanly. ......SPELLCHECK ?
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
That will be our language before to long!
An hour outside of Dublin an Irish farmer named Seamus had a car accident. In court, the lorry company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus.
"Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the solicitor.
Seamus responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the solicitor interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Seamus said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The solicitor interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and said to the solicitor, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his cow Bessie."
Seamus thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. But I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
"Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the policeman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
"Now judge, what the heck would you have said?"
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Marvin the Marvinata is born.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Words of advice
It doesn't matter how nice the hand soap smells... you should
never walk out of a restroom sniffing your fingers. NEVER!
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise your head,
compose yourself, and quietly say "Amen."
If you live in a camper, your kids will never move in with you...
they won't know where to find you.
Blow on the wine in your mug... everyone else in the meeting will
think it's hot tea.
Very good tips
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Good to see that you think these are humorous. No idea what you see, or what you take to see it? I guess if you want to be included you post what you have, regardless of whether or not it fits the title of the discussion.
an alien that has read his comics
Lafayette Grading Set
- Jim
ok since i said i might post it and i just randomly came across it again while watching animal vids, here is the little thing to go with the primate since they both will fit into your palms.
Louis Armstrong
That reminds me of a song.
Doe, ray, me....
Their were 14 in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over.
So they all rolled over and one fell down (out). There were 13 in the bed....
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Ok . You people were right.
Now get me out of this rabbit hole, before the fox gets back.
HELLO ?
too late
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Pete
Another FB post
I am the middle guy.
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. " Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and relieve themselves through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing ."OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
Too late...(lol) My dragoon just did a fly by, so that's my lift out of here.
Like a bat out of hell
Nice to have a pet dragon
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Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service for the beast?”
Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”
Did I ever tell you the one about the Irish gay couple?
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
Cheers, RickO
Now that is funny. RickO
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Cat version of the 1st meme of the very 1st post in this thread!
>
I remember as a kid, dad giving me 50¢, going to the local market, getting a candy bar for me, a pack of smokes for the old man, 10¢ in change and no questions asked.
Hopefully the fox doesn't turn into a dragon @emeraldATV
although that might come in handy
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
A rural minister is driving his car into town to see a show and he's stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
I also remember as a kid walking to the store to get my Uncle Bob a fifth of gin. The man behind the counter shook his head no but then his wife said, "It's o.k., he's Bob's nephew." Everybody knew everybody back then.
Being former Navy, this one made me laugh.... Cheers, RickO
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
Cheers, RickO
I broke my pelvis years ago in a freak accident. On top of everything I developed pneumonia that delayed my surgery. I was in traction, drugged out of my mind and evidently a cranky miserable SOB. I was in the hospital for over 3 weeks. After things settled down with me one of the nurses let me know they used to put my name in a hat and draw to see had to look after me on that shift. The day I was being discharged I had to have the battle axe. That B*tch taped my balls to my leg with tape that pretty much had to be surgically removed. While it wasn't funny at the time it is now and I probably deserved it!
@amwldcoin....
Now THAT is funny... Though I am sure it was NOT funny at the time. Amazing, a real life example of my joke.... Thanks for sharing that. Cheers, RickO
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
You have made me laugh again. USN 1970
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...