A Sunday school teacher was teaching her young students about Noah and the ark. She asked them what they thought Noah may have done to pass the time in the ark for forty years. After waiting a few moments, the teacher suggested, “Maybe he did a lot of fishing. How about that?”One little boy gave her a funny look and said, “I don't think so. It’s kinda hard to fish with just two worms!”
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'
'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.
'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''
A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender,"If I
show you something truly amazing, will you let me drink for free
for the rest of the night?"
"It would have to be something really spectacular."
The man picks up a box, places on the bar, opens it, and there
inside is a man, no more than a foot tall with a small piano,
playing classical music.
In total disbelief the bartender says, "You can have free drinks
for the rest of the night, but only if you tell me where you got this!"
"In the alley behind your bar there's a genie granting wishes...
for free."
The bartender flies out the back door. A few minutes later loud
quacking erupts in the alley. The bartender rushes back in and
quickly shuts the door on a flood of ducks.
"That genie must be hard of hearing. After I asked for a million
bucks, these ducks appeared... by the thousands."
With a slight chuckle the man says, "Did you really think I
wished of a 12-inch pianist?"
A couple discusses the future...
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: Definitely not!
W: Why not? Don't you like being married?
H: Of course I do.
W: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
H: Okay, okay. I'd get married again.
W: You would?" (with a hurt look)
H: (audible groan)
W: Would you live in our house?
H: Sure, it's a great house.
W: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
H: Where else would we sleep?
W: Would you let her drive my car?
H: Probably, it's almost new.
W: Would you take her golfing with you?
H: Yes. Those are always good times.
W: Would she use my clubs?
H: No. She's left-handed.... Oops!
AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER..
A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her Son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. Throughout the evening, while watching the two interact, she wondered if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama, which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, nor do you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Comments
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
The chickens saying goodbye to a friend
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Damn inflation ................
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her young students about Noah and the ark. She asked them what they thought Noah may have done to pass the time in the ark for forty years. After waiting a few moments, the teacher suggested, “Maybe he did a lot of fishing. How about that?”One little boy gave her a funny look and said, “I don't think so. It’s kinda hard to fish with just two worms!”
Cheers, RickO
Me: I taught my dog to play chess.
Friend: He must be very smart?
Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!
Cheers, RickO
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking,
their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
'I got a cookbook once,' said one, 'but I could never do anything with it.'
'Too much fancy work in it, eh?' asked the other.
'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way --
'Take a clean dish...''
Cheers, RickO
Cheers, RickO
A man walks into a bar, sits down and asks the bartender,"If I
show you something truly amazing, will you let me drink for free
for the rest of the night?"
"It would have to be something really spectacular."
The man picks up a box, places on the bar, opens it, and there
inside is a man, no more than a foot tall with a small piano,
playing classical music.
In total disbelief the bartender says, "You can have free drinks
for the rest of the night, but only if you tell me where you got this!"
"In the alley behind your bar there's a genie granting wishes...
for free."
The bartender flies out the back door. A few minutes later loud
quacking erupts in the alley. The bartender rushes back in and
quickly shuts the door on a flood of ducks.
"That genie must be hard of hearing. After I asked for a million
bucks, these ducks appeared... by the thousands."
With a slight chuckle the man says, "Did you really think I
wished of a 12-inch pianist?"
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A couple discusses the future...
Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
Husband: Definitely not!
W: Why not? Don't you like being married?
H: Of course I do.
W: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
H: Okay, okay. I'd get married again.
W: You would?" (with a hurt look)
H: (audible groan)
W: Would you live in our house?
H: Sure, it's a great house.
W: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
H: Where else would we sleep?
W: Would you let her drive my car?
H: Probably, it's almost new.
W: Would you take her golfing with you?
H: Yes. Those are always good times.
W: Would she use my clubs?
H: No. She's left-handed.... Oops!
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
OMG...NOOOOOOO!!
Successful BST transactions with....Coinslave87, ChrisH821, Walkerguy21D, SanctionII.......................Received "You Suck" award 02/18/23
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
No way that can be real. It's got to be a spoof of some kind.
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
Voltaire: Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER..
A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
peacockcoins
@braddick
That could be the dumbest (joke) ever. Someone was bored that day!
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Remember how much fun the wooden roller coasters were - now there are only a few left to ride
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her Son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. Throughout the evening, while watching the two interact, she wondered if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
“Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama, which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, nor do you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
peacockcoins
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members