A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The barkeeper says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeeper says, "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the chipmunk."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and frantically asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 million dollars for that act."
The drunks says, "Not for sale".
The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scatting rat."
The drunk say, "Deal."
The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a million dollar act that you just broke up for a wimpy 100 grands?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the chipmunk is a ventriloquist."
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up.
"That's Old Chief Forget-Me-Not," whispers the man behind the desk reverently, "he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation."
"Why the weird name?" whispers the reporter.
"Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was two. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory."
Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not.
"Hey Chief!" he calls, "What'd you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," replies the Chief without even looking up.
The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop.
On the way, the second reporter tells the first: "Why don't you address the Chief more respectfully, so he'll demonstrate to us more?"
Following his friend's advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding "HOW!!"
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
Comments
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Looks like an earthquake dampening system to this engineer.
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Our city codes guy gives people citations for tire swings since he considers it a used tire. He probably have a heartache writing this guy up. 😂😂
Lafayette Grading Set
.
first time i recall seeing the 3d version of this old newspaper comic strip!
robot chicken? isn't that adult swim?
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
U.S. Type Set
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
Throw a coin enough times, and suppose one day it lands on its edge.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
"When they can't find anything wrong with you, they create it!"
A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"
The barkeeper says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
The drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.
The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?"
The barkeeper says, "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."
The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the chipmunk."
Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em.
After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and frantically asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.
The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 million dollars for that act."
The drunks says, "Not for sale".
The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scatting rat."
The drunk say, "Deal."
The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a million dollar act that you just broke up for a wimpy 100 grands?"
The Drunk says, "Relax, the chipmunk is a ventriloquist."
Cheers, RickO
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!"
With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind.
"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me."
"Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you."
Cheers, RickO
So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up.
"That's Old Chief Forget-Me-Not," whispers the man behind the desk reverently, "he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation."
"Why the weird name?" whispers the reporter.
"Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was two. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory."
Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not.
"Hey Chief!" he calls, "What'd you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?"
"Eggs," replies the Chief without even looking up.
The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop.
On the way, the second reporter tells the first: "Why don't you address the Chief more respectfully, so he'll demonstrate to us more?"
Following his friend's advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding "HOW!!"
"Scrambled," replies the Chief.
Cheers, RickO
There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
Cheers, RickO
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
is that a screenshot from the new hangover part IV?
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
DPOTD-3
'Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery'
CU #3245 B.N.A. #428
Don
And a bottle of rum .