Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. Lately she's been leaving jewelry
catalogs all over the house. So I got her a magazine rack.
Some days the supply of curse words available is insufficient to
meet my demand.
You know you're getting old when a recliner and a heating pad is
considered a hot date.
Doctor: "High sodium. High cholesterol. Lots of toxins. Your blood
test is a lot like a potato chip."
A dog-lover's assumption: All dogs are good dogs!
The real reason dogs hate vacuum cleaners: Jealousy. They don't
want you doing housework when you should be playing with them.
The best way to relieve stress: Watch videos of dogs cuddling up
with other animals, such as kittens, baby ducks and bunnies.
Another dog-lover's assumption: While out walking the dog,
when someone says "Hi!", they are talking to your dog, not you.
Sometimes, when my wife gets me really angry, I look at her
through a fork and, imagining her in jail, I feel better.
These days it seems most of my conversations start with either
"Have I told you this before?"or "What was I going to say?"
We have to stop asking "How stupid can people be?" Too many of
them are taking this as a challenge.
I have no problem with computer security. All my passwords are
protected by my forgetfulness
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"
A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead.
The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, "You can't tell a person bad news like that. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be ok. The third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day the brother calls the woman up and says, "I have news."
"What?"
"Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
Comments
YES YES you had to wash your car before coming in.. all they did was tape it off and shot the paint.
you didn't get to pick the color, it was what ever they had available after mixing left over paints from the
more expensive paint jobs
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
.
the lady or the thing she is using?
Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. Lately she's been leaving jewelry
catalogs all over the house. So I got her a magazine rack.
Some days the supply of curse words available is insufficient to
meet my demand.
You know you're getting old when a recliner and a heating pad is
considered a hot date.
Doctor: "High sodium. High cholesterol. Lots of toxins. Your blood
test is a lot like a potato chip."
A dog-lover's assumption: All dogs are good dogs!
The real reason dogs hate vacuum cleaners: Jealousy. They don't
want you doing housework when you should be playing with them.
The best way to relieve stress: Watch videos of dogs cuddling up
with other animals, such as kittens, baby ducks and bunnies.
Another dog-lover's assumption: While out walking the dog,
when someone says "Hi!", they are talking to your dog, not you.
Sometimes, when my wife gets me really angry, I look at her
through a fork and, imagining her in jail, I feel better.
These days it seems most of my conversations start with either
"Have I told you this before?"or "What was I going to say?"
We have to stop asking "How stupid can people be?" Too many of
them are taking this as a challenge.
I have no problem with computer security. All my passwords are
protected by my forgetfulness
.
the lady or the thing she is using?
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
.
i wonder if we can preemptively order these when we've been issued an expiration date by doctor?
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
This is how an entire town found Jesus.
I wonder too.
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"
Cheers, RickO
A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead.
The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, "You can't tell a person bad news like that. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be ok. The third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day the brother calls the woman up and says, "I have news."
"What?"
"Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
Cheers, RickO
U.S. Type Set
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
Wayne
Kennedys are my quest...
USN & USAF retired 1971-1993
Successful Transactions with more than 100 Members
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
What's mom doing ?
Reload Dufrain...
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
Cheers, RickO