Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Reminds me of an old I Love Lucy routine:
Percy Livermore : We must rid our speech of slang. Now, besides "OK", I want you all to promise me that there are two words that you will never use. One of these is "swell" and the other one is "lousy".
Lucy Ricardo : OK, what are they?
Percy Livermore : [with emphasis] One of them is "swell" and the other one is "lousy".
Now I'm checking this thread 3 times a day so I shouldn't miss anything.
Anyway
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. 'Cold floors,' he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, 'Bad food.' They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. 'I quit,' he says.
'That’s not surprising,' the elders say. 'You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.'
Isn’t it ironic that prisoners are being released early citing covid-19 concerns, (fear of contracting the disease and possibly dying) yet schools and universities are no problem for the inhabitants?
"May the silver waves that bear you heavenward be filled with love’s whisperings"
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Not necessarily a funny story but a weird onae that happened to me the other day.
Here in New England we have had severe thunder storms on and off the past week. Well as I was driving home from work I was caught in one on a very busy road. I had the wipers on high and was doing only 20 mph in a 55.
About half way home I came across a hitch hiker and this poor guy was totally soaked. Now normally I don't pick them up but I felt sorry for the dude. He gets in says " thanks so much" and puts a paper bag that he was carrying on the floor by his feet. He was going to the next town north of me but I didn't have much going on so I told I would take him all the way.
After about 5 min of small talk he reaches in bag and is shuffling around like he's looking for something. I lean over to look in the bad and he closes it up real fast. I look at him and ask " what's in the bag?" He replies "none of your f...ing business!!" Of coarse I'm taken back a little but just keep on driving. Few minutes later he reaches back in the bag and if frantically looking for something. I ask again" Dude what's in the bag?" Again " None of your f...ing business. Raining hard or not I had enough and was starting to get a little scared. So I pull over and tell him to get out. The guy jumps out doesn't close the door and starts running back the way we came. He didn't even bring the bag with him. He left it on the floor. It was one of the stangest things that ever happened to me.
Kirk222 → Smudge
Smudge: I have laughed my butt off over this joke. At first, I fell for it too. Then, I thought, "surely Smudge was in on the joke". I mean you jumped right in with both feet, just like I did!!!!! Great joke. I have now plagiarized it and sent it to 30 people. I hope I catch a sucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This joke is great after a few adult beverages and sitting around a camp fire. Trust me you'll always find a sucker
Sorry smudge you were just the first one to respond. Lol
A salesman asks how he can help. The snail says, "I want a Model S."
The salesman scoffs and says, "You're a snail. Why would you want a Tesla Model S?"
The snail sadly replies, "Nobody ever pays attention or even notices me. I can't seem to make friends or meet girls. I figure if they see me speeding by in my Tesla, they'll finally say, Wow! Look at that "S car go!" (escargot)
The customer walks in the Russian car dealership.
He is very excited telling the salesperson he's been saving for years. The dealer asks does he want black or brown?
He replies black.
The dealer fills out a couple of forms looks at his notes and tells the customer You can pick up your new car two years from today.
The customer looks at his appointment book and then asks will it be ready in the morning or afternoon?
The salesman replies what difference does the morning or afternoon make? It will be here two years from today.
The customer says Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go!"
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm a photographer for CNN," he responded, "and I need to get some close-up shots."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, "So, what you're telling me, is...You're NOT my flight instructor?"
Comments
THE JAR!!
IT'S A PITCHER, DAMMIT!!!
Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.
"Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value---zero."----Voltaire
"Everything you say should be true, but not everything true should be said."----Voltaire
Well, it calls it "The Jar. Thats what I would call it tho, a pitcher!
Is this artist trying to draw in 4 dimensions or something? LOL....
Great transactions with oih82w8, JasonGaming, Moose1913.
I guess I ❤️Something besides 1879...Carson City!!
https://www.pcgs.com/setregistry/collectors-showcase/date-sets/hashtags-prefect-coin-grading-service-1879/album/7621
Please take down the last post. I'd hate to see this thread get closed.
Sorry, I Hope gambling is ok. And the book is one of 113 different ones from mint directors
https://www.pcgs.com/setregistry/collectors-showcase/date-sets/hashtags-prefect-coin-grading-service-1879/album/7621
What did I miss...a Naked lady?
three
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
What starts with a W and ends with a T.
It does, I swear.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Reminds me of an old I Love Lucy routine:
Percy Livermore : We must rid our speech of slang. Now, besides "OK", I want you all to promise me that there are two words that you will never use. One of these is "swell" and the other one is "lousy".
Lucy Ricardo : OK, what are they?
Percy Livermore : [with emphasis] One of them is "swell" and the other one is "lousy".
Fred Mertz : Well, give us the lousy one first.
True or false: How Long is a Chinaman's name?
Actually cats do do that. Mine left a Cardinal for me on the seat of my Golf Cart.
Pete
U.S. Type Set
Successful transactions with : MICHAELDIXON, Manorcourtman, Bochiman, bolivarshagnasty, AUandAG, onlyroosies, chumley, Weiss, jdimmick, BAJJERFAN, gene1978, TJM965, Smittys, GRANDAM, JTHawaii, mainejoe, softparade, derryb
Bad transactions with : nobody to date
Being in the Right Place at the Wrong Time
Back when I was a teenager I worked at a pet shop.
WE had a Cockatoo that couldn't find a permanent home because his previous owner had taught him foul language.
I'm in the next aisle over cleaning fish tanks. All the sudden this older lady came up and started wailing on me with an umbrella.
Turned out when she walked buy the Cockatoo he said F U Lady.
I wish I could remember how I got away from her and I hope Heather can laugh at this!
A naked picture?
Now I'm checking this thread 3 times a day so I shouldn't miss anything.
Anyway
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. 'Cold floors,' he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, 'Bad food.' They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. 'I quit,' he says.
'That’s not surprising,' the elders say. 'You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.'
WWWWEEEEeeeeeeeeeee
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
Isn’t it ironic that prisoners are being released early citing covid-19 concerns, (fear of contracting the disease and possibly dying) yet schools and universities are no problem for the inhabitants?
"A dog breaks your heart only one time and that is when they pass on". Unknown
U.S. Type Set
Not necessarily a funny story but a weird onae that happened to me the other day.
Here in New England we have had severe thunder storms on and off the past week. Well as I was driving home from work I was caught in one on a very busy road. I had the wipers on high and was doing only 20 mph in a 55.
About half way home I came across a hitch hiker and this poor guy was totally soaked. Now normally I don't pick them up but I felt sorry for the dude. He gets in says " thanks so much" and puts a paper bag that he was carrying on the floor by his feet. He was going to the next town north of me but I didn't have much going on so I told I would take him all the way.
After about 5 min of small talk he reaches in bag and is shuffling around like he's looking for something. I lean over to look in the bad and he closes it up real fast. I look at him and ask " what's in the bag?" He replies "none of your f...ing business!!" Of coarse I'm taken back a little but just keep on driving. Few minutes later he reaches back in the bag and if frantically looking for something. I ask again" Dude what's in the bag?" Again " None of your f...ing business. Raining hard or not I had enough and was starting to get a little scared. So I pull over and tell him to get out. The guy jumps out doesn't close the door and starts running back the way we came. He didn't even bring the bag with him. He left it on the floor. It was one of the stangest things that ever happened to me.
@USMarine6 so what was in the bag?
None of your F...ing business!!
Well I stepped right into that one.
Have you ever considered a career as a straight man?
This joke is great after a few adult beverages and sitting around a camp fire. Trust me you'll always find a sucker
Sorry smudge you were just the first one to respond. Lol
The scared marine was the giveaway for me...
Smitten with DBLCs.
A snail crawls into a Tesla dealership...
A salesman asks how he can help. The snail says, "I want a Model S."
The salesman scoffs and says, "You're a snail. Why would you want a Tesla Model S?"
The snail sadly replies, "Nobody ever pays attention or even notices me. I can't seem to make friends or meet girls. I figure if they see me speeding by in my Tesla, they'll finally say, Wow! Look at that "S car go!" (escargot)
Told a version of the snail joke when I was a kid. I was hilarious!
The customer walks in the Russian car dealership.
He is very excited telling the salesperson he's been saving for years. The dealer asks does he want black or brown?
He replies black.
The dealer fills out a couple of forms looks at his notes and tells the customer You can pick up your new car two years from today.
The customer looks at his appointment book and then asks will it be ready in the morning or afternoon?
The salesman replies what difference does the morning or afternoon make? It will be here two years from today.
The customer says Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
U.S. Type Set
Turns your water into espresso.
Pete
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go!"
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm a photographer for CNN," he responded, "and I need to get some close-up shots."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, "So, what you're telling me, is...You're NOT my flight instructor?"